Quick Tips from the Experts

• Give your house a “crawl test” to check for unseen dangers. By going from room to room yourself, you have your child’s point of view and dangerous objects are easier to spot.
• Don’t call medicine “candy.” Many parents will use this tactic to get a stubborn child to take a dose, but experts say it could mislead a child to take other medicines they accidentally get their hands on.
• Keep your children from seeing you unlock doors and drawers or open safety latches. They can learn from watching you.
• Keep dog and cat dishes away from your child’s play area.
• Keep watch for small objects in reachable distances of your child. This includes food, buttons, and other objects kids can choke on.
• One study shows that parents with childproofed homes don’t need to say “no” as frequently because all dangerous objects are out of reach and children are in safe play areas.

Different Rooms to Baby Proof: Basics

• Living Room: Anchor down TVs and all light or loose furniture (lamps, bookcases) that could fall, topple over, or be pulled down.
• Your bedroom: Same as with living room, but also latch all drawers.
• Nursery: Before using a new crib, make sure all screws are tight and that rails are no wider than 2 3/8 inches wide.
• Bathroom: Latch the toilet cover and low cabinets and keep medicines and all dangerous items out of reach.

Dangerous Areas Around the House

•        Balconies
•        Stairs
•        Doors
•        Pools
•        Basement/ Garage

What to Buy and What to Replace

1. Fit all electric outlets with outlet covers – and even keep a few in your bag. Never assume a playdate’s home is childproofed.
2. Replace rubber-tipped door stops with soft door jambs to avoid a possible choking hazard.
3. Make sure smoke alarms are properly placed in every room of your home and test them once a month.

Childproofing at Different Ages

• 0-6 months: Don’t underestimate your child. They may not have rolled over yet, but they will — and it will be a surprise. Make sure your child is properly secured on changing tables and in car seats.
• 6-12 months: Small items that your child can choke on are very important to watch out for at this stage. Your child has begun to crawl and any object in their path will get a taste-test.
• 1-2 years: Make sure everything is properly anchored down or out of reach. Your child will have begun to stand and will pull on anything and everything to hold themselves up.
• 2+ years: Pad the corners of coffee tables and low furniture. Keep external house doors locked. Everything that can be opened will get opened.

Tips for childproofing on the go

1. Do a childproofing check upon arrival anywhere your child will sleep overnight and move breakable or dangerous objects out of reach.
2. At friends’ houses who have older children, watch out for older toys that may not be safe or may have small parts.
3. When staying elsewhere overnight, be sure any borrowed cribs meet safety standards. It might be worth bringing your own portable crib.
4. You might stock up on extra outlet covers for trips to hotels or for the room your child will be staying in when visiting friends or family.
5. When visiting older relatives, beware of medications within reach. 

Top childproofing secrets from the Pros

1. Several experts recommend literally crawling from room to room to see everything your child has access to. Anything that poses a hazard within reach should be moved.
2. Sometimes there isn’t a specific product to address a hazard, reminds Linette Palmer, co-owner of a babyproofing service Family First. “You may need to block off an area,” she says, or “get creative with solutions.”
3. In some cases, wait a few years before introducing certain items. “There’s no way to make a tall halogen lamp safe until your kid is old enough to know not to knock it over,” says Palmer.
4. Keep certain latches or locks a secret from your children, and don’t let them see you operate them, suggests the team at Family First. If they watch you unlatch the dishwasher or a particular cabinet, they may learn to do so themselves.
5. Do not refer to medicine as candy when you give your child a dose, as it may entice him to want to try other medicines he gets his hands on by accident.
6. “Don’t forget about pet bowls,” says Palmer. “A child can drown in a big bowl of water for the dog.”
7. Unfortunately, you’re never entirely done childproofing. The Academy of Pediatrics recommends doing a “child’s-eye view” survey each New Year.
8. Constantly scan your floors and easy-to-reach surfaces for loose change, buttons, dropped pieces of food or any other small objects that kids could choke on.
9. And no matter how well you childproof your home, you also need to be prepared for accidents. Be sure that the phone numbers of your pediatrician, poison control and the address of the nearest hospital are posted in an easy-to-find place for any caregivers.

So what does this mean and – more importantly – how does this help you to achieve and maintain improved levels of health?

The definition of holistic health is simple and inclusive. It is your overall state of wellness on all levels of your being: physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. It covers the health of your entire being and extends to your resources, environment and relationships.

Although we’ve become accustomed to examining and treating each of these areas separately, holistic health or wellness implies the health of the whole. In reality, your body, mind and spirit are completely intertwined and cannot be separated. They are aspects of the whole, not separate entities. To affect one level, either positively or negatively, influences your entire being.

What I’m going to share with you in these pages is my experience and my journey in improving my well-being. Specifically, this will include:

• Fitness tests
• Suggested activities
• Training programs
• Health articles
• Experience of injuries and treatments
• Dietary advice
• Descriptions of therapies that I’ve taken

The beauty of this is that you get to learn from my experiences and can share the journey, applying what you want to yourself!

So first of all, ask yourself the following questions:

1) What is your main fitness goal?

• To lose weight
• To gain strength
• To improve my endurance
• To become more athletic

2) What equipment do you use?

• I go to a gym that has everything I need.
• I only have access to free weights.
• I workout at home and can only do bodyweight exercises.
• I only do cardio (Running, Biking, Swimming, etc.)

3) How many days can you workout?

• 3 days per week.
• 4 days per week.
• 5 days per week.
• 6 days per week.

And here is the current program I am working on:

Warm up:                            5min Jog 8-10km on Treadmill

Intervals:                             6x1min @18km on Treadmill with 10km Jog in between

Sumo Squat:                      3sets x 12 reps  45 Kgs

Leg Press 1 leg:                 3sets x 10 reps  40 Kgs (super set with below – ie no break)

Leg Press 1 leg Calf:         3sets x 10 reps  40 Kgs

Chest Press:                       3sets x 12 reps  35Kgs (super set with below – ie no break)

Pushups:                             3sets x Max reps              20 pushups

Wide Row and Hold:       3sets x 12 reps  35 Kgs (super set with below – ie no break)

Close Row:                          3sets x 12 reps  30 Kgs

Hover:                                  3sets Max reps 2 minutes (super set with below)

Crunch:                                3sets x Max reps              30

Cool Down:                         Stretch

Give it a go! And if you’ve got any comments, let me know.

The following 10 positive parenting tips are based on this knowledge of “what you give is what you get” and are aimed at empowering your children in terms of respect, understanding, a degree of autonomy, unconditional love and support.

1 Giving Your Child the Power of Positive Attitude

Our children are often very, very sensitive and susceptible to our own mental state. They’re like sponges – they ‘soak up’ whatever mood you give them. And the younger they are, the more they readily take in what you give them, without question. For instance, if I feel that: “Jeez, my son is difficult today.” Chances are that most likely he is reflecting some of my own ‘stressed’ or ‘negative’ energy.

So being conscious of your own mood and behavior and making a choice as to what you want to transmit to your child is one of the first steps in conscious and positive parenting. Here are more positive parenting tips on maintaining a positive attitude:

• Consider yourself a mirror: “What I emit, will become what my child will feel.” This insight will help you become more conscious of your mood and attitude.

• Notice the way you speak about the world: Do you focus on possibilities (It’s raining, now we’ll get a chance to put on boots and jump in puddles) or limitations (It’s raining and we’ll get wet and cold if we go out.).

2 Positive Expectations Bring out the Best in Your Child

Have you heard of the law of attraction (sometimes referred to as “the Secret”)? It works like this: Whatever you focus on, you’ll get! That’s a bit crude, but that’s essentially it. The point is, if you have positive expectations of your child, he or she will do his or her best to live up to them. However, it also goes the other way around: If you expect your child to disobey you, he or she will sense this lack of trust and ‘obey’ your unsaid intentions. In other words, they’ll behave exactly as you expect.

Here are some things you can do to promote your positive expectations:

• Expect your child to manage a moderately challenging task and show this trust to your child in an energy of confidence and patience. This basic trust from you to your child is extremely empowering to them.

• Positively prepare your child for upcoming events by talking about them in terms of possibilities and positive expectations.

• Expect your evenings to be calm, joyful and full of love and notice how much power your positive expectations have.

3 Passing on Beliefs That Actually Work and Make Sense

The beliefs we hold true are powerful and influential in both good and bad ways. They often work like an invisible force that guides our actions without us being “consciously” aware of what is driving our actions. Whilst some of these beliefs are useful and beneficial for us, there are often others that are inefficient and unhelpful. When your child revolts against your ideas, use this as a great opportunity to check whether your belief is really sound or just “conditioning”.

Here are more positive parenting tips about positive beliefs:

• When you want your kid to do something and your kid doesn’t want to – take a brief look and review it critically (e.g. the belief that a child should be in bed by eight o’clock). Ask yourself: “Is this belief a true absolute? Does it make objective sense and is right for my unique child?”

• When you have an idea and want to review its right for existence, you can ask yourself this: Does the idea stem from my gut / intuition or does the idea feel rigid and un-meaningful. If it feels rigid (“It just has to be this way”) – most likely your idea / belief is a general norm that might not fit your child. If you sense the idea is based on your intuition, you most likely have sensed a true need in your child – then stick to it (your intuition about your own child is usually right!).

4 Trust and Include Your Child

Many of us have grown up believing that in order to develop responsibility and independence, kids must have firm rules and learn to do as they are told. However, by including your child in the process of decision making and letting them have some degree of say, you actually teach your child the skill of responsibility in making choices. By letting your child “choose”, you give him or her the opportunity to learn how the power of their gut feeling works and to trust the signals of their own intuition and bodies. This skill is incredibly valuable in adult life.

Here are more positive parenting tips about positive trust and inclusion:

• Set up a general framework and let your child decide within it. For instance, put only food on the evening table that you can vouch for (ie make sure nothing is unhealthy). Then your kid can choose whatever and as much as he or she wants. This is empowerment in the sense that it will teach your child to trust his or her own bodily instincts as to what his or her body craves today and what it doesn’t need today.

• Give your child a little more space for challenges (e.g. high climbing on the playground) than your fear normally allows you. This will show your child that you trust him or her. This trust helps your child believe in himself or herself.

5 Open up Your Child’s View on the World with Positive Language

Language is incredibly powerful. It can either open up the world with possibilities and potential of fun or lock it down with limitations and bans. Here are some positive uses of language:

• Think about only using “No” when absolutely necessary: For instance, instead of saying “No, you can’t sit in the front seat, you’re too small” turn it around to positive statement of possibility: “The backseat is your seat. There you’ll have all your toys and you can help mum or dad find out which way to go!”

• Explain the necessary “No’s” with a thorough explanation in terms of concrete consequences: “I’m sorry but you can’t play with your cars in the middle of the road. Your see the cars coming there? They come very fast and might not see you out there. And if they don’t see you, they might hit you. And that will hurt a lot. So don’t you think it’s a better idea to make your racetrack in the garden – I think it is!”

6 Make Your Day Easier by Tuning in to and Understanding Your Child

Everyday life can be so much easier if we actually bother to try and understand why our child acts the way he or she does. Often when our child is angry or cranky it’s because he or she has a need (e.g. attention, acceptance, hunger, fatigue, touch etc.) that he or she needs us to fulfill. By trying to put yourself in your child’s shoes and trying to understand their actions from their perspective, you’re taking your child seriously. This is the basic recipe of respect.

Here are some positive parenting tips about positive empathy:

• When your child is sad or angry, try to remain calm and tune in to your child to try to ‘read’ what kind of need (e.g. attention, acceptance, hunger, fatigue, touch etc.) lies behind the behavior and try to do what you can to fulfill the need.

• Try to not see your child as naughty or an enemy that needs to be fought or ‘broken’ in order to become compliant. A much more satisfying way to deal with a crisis is to merely see your child as having a need that is not met. Looking at the situation in this way may feel like a difficult turnaround in your head, but it really works.

7 Strive Towards Positive Honesty

Some parents (me included!) think they can get themselves out of a difficult situation with their child by telling a “little white lie”. For instance, I might be inclined to say “No, there are no onions in this bolognaise”, knowing full well that she won’t be able to taste them anyway! It’s a quick fix, but the problem with this strategy is that whilst it works effectively in getting your child to eat the bolognaise (and onions) right then and there, it fails on two accounts. First, it doesn’t tackle the issue that your child has with onions and second, at some point your child will find out you’re lying and by implication think that it’s okay to lie if it makes life instantly easier for themselves.

Here are some positive parenting tips about honesty:

• When your kid honestly tells you about something ‘bad’ he or she has done, try to remain calm, open and constructive. In the long term you want your child to come to you if he or she is in trouble. If your child fears your reaction (being angry or disappointed) it is highly likely that he or she will keep his or her trouble to himself or herself in the future. Therefore support your kid’s honesty, no matter what they are telling you!

• Your child is never too young to have an honest explanation. If your child doesn’t understand a “no” or wants to know why something works the way it does – strive to give a positively centered and honest explanation based on simple consequences: For instance: “When you hit Jess, she doesn’t like it. It makes her arm hurt and then she’ll cry. If Jess takes something from you, it’s a good idea to say to her that you want it back. You can also tell one of the adults about it.”

8 Respecting Your Child Will Make Your Child Respect You

For some reason many people think that just because their child is younger, they are not fully entitled to respect. However, what they don’t see is that if they give their child respect, they will in turn learn to respect too. Here are some positive parenting tips about positive respect:

• Respect is not something you teach your child. Respect is something you give your child if you want him or her to respect you. In fact, whatever basic life skills (being compassionate, understanding, patient etc.) you want your child to learn, demonstrate those skills yourself.

• When you try to see things from your kid’s perspective, you are much less prone to struggle and force things through in a disrespectful manner. When you respect your child’s boundaries (accepting that he or she might not want to go to the toilet right now or or doesn’t feel like eating), your child will intuitively learn not to cross your boundaries.

9 Shower Your Child with Your Full Presence and Attention

Your full presence is probably one of the most powerful tools you have as a parent. In itself, it is often a therapeutic, comforting, and healing thing for a child (just to have their parents there).

• Paying attention to our kid when we are busy is difficult. However, it’s quite easy to involve your child in whatever tasks we as parents are doing (cleaning, cooking, etc) and in doing so you are showing them attention. This can have a tremendous effect as your child will feel seen and heard and will therefore be more prone to accepting your situation.

• When your kid is showing bad behavior or is angry and frustrated – try to not ride along the same emotional wave. Meet your child with an accepting and embracing energy instead – this is unconditional parenting. There’s a reason for the frustration and you accepting your child no matter how he or she behaves is incredibly important to them.

10 Unconditionally Support Your Child to Build High Self Esteem

Some people believe that constantly praising your child’s actions will build high self esteem. Whilst positive affirmation is undoubtedly a powerful and necessary tool in building your child’s confidence and self belief it is important that your child doesn’t come to think that affection only comes from doing well. The idea that “If I behave and impress my parents I will get positive attention” programs your child to seek praise because that is where he or she has learnt an award awaits: namely feeling seen and admired.

However, unconditional support – supporting who your child is, no matter what – is another matter completely. Here are some positive parenting tips about positive support:

• Try not to evaluate your child’s actions entirely in terms of accomplishments or failures: “This drawing is really, really good” or “This is not that good”. Whilst congratulating them on a good job is great, try to also include your kid’s feeling of the process “Tell me about your drawing. It looks like you had a great time doing it. What does it mean? Why did you choose this colour?”

• Try not to use punishment, threats or bribes as ways to control your child’s behavior: rewarding your child when he or she lives up to your standards (“You’re a good boy or girl) and punishing your kid when he or she fails (“You’re a bad boy or girl), is unfortunate. You actually teach your child that he or she has to ‘earn’ your love or to work for it. This means that your child will identify love with his or her accomplishments rather than his or her person. What we want as parents is that our child feels loved simply for who they are, not what they do.

Positive parenting is a powerful, yet easy method of parenting. When done properly it offers a style which is focused on what really works for both your child and for you. Very often it’s just about doing what feels right and following our common sense along with our strong gut feeling. But, as we all know, life with children (at whatever age) isn’t always easy! Everybody – even the most resourceful of parents – needs support, new inspiration, practical tips and parenting advice at some point or other. Hopefully you can get something out of the above tips. They certainly work for me. Remember, though, that parenting differs from family to family and what works for some doesn’t necessarily mean it will work for others. Trust your intuition about what is right, and that is often the best advice.

Good luck and happy parenting!

Parenting skills are something that new parents can only learn on the fly. It is not really something that comes with a set of directions. What parents can do is make the commitment to invest the time, effort, and dedication necessary to raise their children to be honest, responsible people.

It would be impossible to draw up a list of list of hard and fast rules and methods for parenting. Simply because not all family situations are alike, and not all children respond to parenting methods in the same way. If this is so, does that make any talk of ‘learning’ about parenting useless? Absolutely not! While methods may have differing effects, and every situation calls for a different set of rules, the things that should remain constant are the basic concepts each parent must learn. These concepts will help guide parents in their constant effort to be better parents.

Unconditional Love – Unconditional love is one of the concepts that should permeate every action and every interaction between parent and child. It is also one of the most misunderstood concepts. How a parent expresses this to the child may very well determine how the child views himself, and his/her worth. Many children grow up with a low sense of self-esteem as a result of many different factors. They may feel that the love they are shown depends on their accomplishments. Or, they may feel unwanted, or unloved. All parents should, early on, be certain to show their children how important they are, no matter what, so that they can grow-up loving in the same way. This concept is very important in building self worth.

Responsibility – Children should grow up with a sense of responsibility for their actions, and the things around them. Far too many children grow up to be irresponsible parents, friends, and family, not caring or not knowing how to care, and to accept their own responsibilities. Children who grow without a sense of responsibility too often find themselves blaming other people for things they should be dealing with themselves. Alternately, lack of responsibility training could cause children to blame themselves for things that they have no control over. This is an opposite, but equally undesirable problem. Responsible children learn to care for and properly manage their time and resources – and ultimately your time and resources as a parent as well!

Respect – Children should be taught to respect at an early age. They learn that there are people that they should answer to, and that there is organization within every social unit. They learn that no matter whom the person they are talking to, that person has worth and should be respected. This will help make relationships grow smoothly; as respect is one of the foundations of any good relationship. Children who learn to give and expect respect in return, adjust better to other people than those who don’t.

Conclusion

As a parent one helpful illustration might be to think of raising children as being like flying a kite – you let the kite fly into to the wind, giving slack as the kite flies higher, and reining it in if overwhelmed by the wind. But, like the kite, if properly flown your children could accomplish greater heights of personal development with the help of your support and parenting.

We’ve come to associate the flight with being the most uncomfortable part of the holiday, but after thinking carefully about our “travelling strategy”, we found it didn’t take much to turn a long-haul nightmare into an acceptable (and even enjoyable) part of the trip!

Here are our top tips on easing the pain.

1.     Fly east to west

This will work only if you are travelling around the world, but if you are like us and travel from Australia/New Zealand to Europe then it is a strategy worth considering. Typically, for those kinds of long-haul flights, the price is the same no matter which route you decide to take. By circumnavigating from east to west you avoid the worst effects of jet lag. Your body adjusts more easily to the new time zone and you can sleep in for longer, rather than find yourself lagging behind the clock. It is worth pointing out, though, that the moment you cross the International Date Line (in the Pacific Ocean) you will suddenly find that you have lost an entire day!

2.     Book a decent seat

Most airlines allow you to book-in online up to 24 hours before you fly and in doing so you can choose your seat (first in best dressed). When we checked in early we found that there were still plenty of good seats available (aisle seats, exit seats, and seats closer to the front of the plane tend to give you the most space and convenience). So, as long as you are well organised and book-in online as soon as possible, you should be able to get decent seats.

The website www.seatguru.com gives excellent annotated guides to seat locations, pitches, plans and entertainment systems for the world’s airlines. It even lets you know which have limited legroom because of the equipment box for the entertainment system mounted under the seat in front. But you will still need to check which type of plane is flying on your route.

3.     Break the journey

I would encourage you to break your flight if you are travelling for more than 12 hours. You are probably going to have to disembark while the aircraft refuels at some point anyway and it shouldn’t cost you anymore to break the journey. If your vacation time allows, this is a great chance to see a 2^nd destination, to get some sleep, to ensure all your kids’ energies have the opportunity to be released and will make the journey so much more bearable.

Some really cool stopover destinations are Bangkok, Kuala Lumpur, Singapore, and Hong Kong; or for a beach break: Los Angeles, Tahiti, Hawaii, Miami. If you do arrange a break in the journey, and you are booking through a travel agent, try to negotiate the hotel booking at the same time – you will almost certainly save money by including it in the air fare.

4.     Try for an upgrade

It sounds obvious, if a little cheeky, but (as my own mum used to say) “if you don’t ask, you don’t get”. I have noticed that airlines seem a lot more reluctant to do a free upgrade these days, but you can still consider paying that little extra to upgrade on a more difficult leg of the journey.

5.     Pick a good quality airline

There is no doubt that most airlines have improved things for everyone over the past few years. However, there is still a considerable difference between economy class on a budget airline and economy class on a good quality carrier. For example, on Qatar, Kingfisher, Thai, Asiana and Malaysia airlines you get a couple of inches more room in economy class seats. The website www.airlinequality.com is the most useful source of ratings, passenger reviews and detailed information on legroom. Its overall top five for service are Asiana Airlines, Singapore Airlines, Qatar Airways, Cathay Pacific Airways and Air New Zealand.

6.     Avoid peak-time

First and foremost, you will probably end up with more space on your flight, but that notwithstanding, you will almost certainly experience a more personal service, more attention, probably nicer staff (they will be less stressed) and let’s not forget that your experience at the check in should be so much smoother. There is another obvious reason to avoid peak times and that is cost! As a general rule of thumb the busiest flying days are the weekends and Monday.

7.     Fly during the day

If you are like me, (I find myself struggling to sleep in my own bed if things aren’t exactly right!) there is no way that you are going to be able to sleep on a plane. I’m envious of those people who are able to sleep on planes, but for most of us (I think I’m in the majority here) a night flight is something to be avoided. At least if you fly during the day you are likely to be able to go to bed relatively soon after completing your journey and you don’t actively lose sleep while flying.

8.     Take entertainment

I know there is most likely some form of entertainment on the plane. However, it’s hard to beat a pack of cards and a bag of dice to keep kids and adults entertained. The great thing about travelling as a family group is there are always enough people around to play a group game. Also, a good book, pens and paper are a good time killer.

9.     Beat jet lag

Not that I’d be encouraging you to be drinking when travelling with family, but I’ve learnt from experience (don’t worry, the kids weren’t in tow when I was experimenting!) that not drinking alcohol before and on the plane is one of the best ways to avoid jet lag. Also, when you arrive at your destination, try to stay up until evening before hitting the sack.

So there you are. Short of using ear plugs and an eye mask and hanging a “Do not disturb notice” around your neck, these are some of the best ways we have thought of that makes long-haul trips with the family a lot more bearable. Let’s face it; the travelling part of your holidays are not going to be the best bit, but hopefully you can avoid the locked neck, twisted legs, knees jamming into your back and whining that often accompanies travelling with children.

Hey, if all else fails just remember the reason you are travelling in the first place. To enjoy your vacation, right?

Did you know how to distinguish the “Musts” from the “Shoulds” for your newborn safety equipment?

Perhaps you have made your list? Here are the baby-proofing items that needs to be at the must-have tippy top.

I realize that we don’t all have hundreds of dollars to be able to throw down the all-crucial childproofing budget hole. To help the security of the serious yet economically fainthearted, I’ve classified them into the “musts”, that means that you should not care where you have them, but good parenting requires them.

For those who have more than 1 kid (or can be distracted), consider the more distractions you have at home, the more distractable you are, the more important your baby-proofing is.

The following (in order of importance) 9 baby proofing stuff you “must” have to keep the baby safe:

1. A Good Gate: Even if you are in a ranch-style home as well as an apartment with no stairs, there will be rooms or areas you won’t want your baby walking into, so a great gate is definitely a must-have babyproofing purchase.

2. A Blind Winder: The number of infants strangled every year due to dangling blind and also shade cords is actually devastating. In fact, the Customer Product Safety Commission lists cords as one of the “hidden dangers” parent’s don’t even think of. There are numerous affordable blind winders out there, but if you have to by hand re-wind the cord after every use, then chances are you won’t use it.

3. Anti-Tip Anchors: If you have a climber (or possible climber) on your hands, furniture straps are a must. Whether it’s a dresser or a shelf, attach these weighty pieces of furniture to the wall with anti-tip connectors to prevent the furniture from tipping over.

4. Fireplace Safety: The hard stone around the fire place hearth can be very unsafe with little ones close to. Its sharp edges and rough stone corners can cut, as well as seriously hurt a tripping child. You should choose one of the numerous good hearth bumper pads available on the market.

5. Corner Edge Bumpers: You can protect the corners of your end-tables and coffee tables with corner and side guards. One-size-fits all because you minimize the foam to fit your particular table exactly.

6. Outlet Covers: For used outlets with cords, you can purchase a cover that may prevent your child from unplugging the cord and messing with the outlet. They are best for higher-traffic areas where you will be inserting and un-plugging items often.

7. Childproof Latches for Cabinets and Drawers: Drawer latches are also an essential-have for childproofing your home. They may prevent your growing infant from reaching intact drawers with sharp or tiny items stored inside. Ideal for your kitchen, bathroom, or home office. Choose childproof latches that won’t let your little one to get even a hand inside.

8. Railing Net: Stair as well as railing nets will also be a must if your railing spindles tend to be further than 2.5 to 3 inches apart.

9. Bathtub Safety Items: Bath-time is always thrilling for a growing baby. Keep it risk-free by using a few of these little accessories.

• - A bathtub thermometer to gauge water temperature.
• - A bathtub safety rail to help your own little one get in and out of the tub safely.
• - A faucet cover that will protect her little head from nasty bumps.

These are the most significant baby safety gear items out there. Consider them as an important investment you will make in the years of growth and exploration still ahead of you.

Is that really so unusual? Come on, which tweens do you know that you want to hang out with? I don’t know any. They’re all so “yeah and I was like… and she was like” and they talk in tongues. Recently I even heard one of them say LOL. He didn’t crack a smile. He just said L.O.L. At which point I told them to get a life or I was going to S.M.A.C.K. someone upside the head.

Anyway, back to our coffee break. So, one of my associates suggested I speak to a child relationship guru. Really? Who gave them that title? Do they abbreviate it CRG on their card? If I became a patient of this CRG would I be a Parent Relating Issues with Children and Kids? OK, I may scoff but never let it be said that I’m not prepared to give things a go. “Fine”, I said, “who is the best CRG on the market these days?”

A couple of days later I’d scheduled an appointment and was waiting in a fancy office that reminded me of an advertising agency I’ve used. Bean bags for seats. I hate those things. They are a poor excuse for seating. And they leave you no dignity when you’re “settling into” or “pulling out of” one. There were “inspirational” pictures on the wall that said things like:

“There is nothing like a dream to create the future” with a picture of child lying on the beach looking at the sky. (That’s Victor Hugo, by the way. A small detail the CRG wasn’t aware of!)

Or one that caught my eye:

“When we walk to the edge of light and take a step into darkness we must believe one of two things; there will be something solid for us to stand on or we will be taught to fly” (I don’t know who said that? Yoda? It sounds like drivel to me. Forget about the pointless picture of an angel accompanying it, what really bugged me was I could think of plenty of other outcomes in that little scenario, neither of which had ground or the power of flight. No matter.)

Anyway, I waited patiently for my turn and was finally greeted by a young lady who smiled sweetly and asked if I’d like a coffee or tea. “Actually a vodka would be more like it” I said “and a hand getting out of this blasted thing”. I slid myself out of the bean bag and onto the floor, I rolled onto my stomach, onto my knees, and finally stood. The receptionist  couldn’t have been a day over 18 and I quipped about the nice offices and said something like “the boss must be doing well”.

“I am the boss”

“What?! No, I erm… I’m sorry there must be a mistake. I’m here to talk about my kid’s problems. Well, not like that. Erm… yeah. I’m here for child therapy. Well, not exactly, but you know…” She’d thrown me with the boss comment and I realized I wasn’t managing to pull this one back. Mercifully she interrupted.

“Yes, your are Mr Scud and you’re here to see the Child Relationship Guru.” It was a statement rather than a question.

“Yes, exactly. Thanks. Can you let her know I’m here.”

“She already knows. I am she.

“Oh god” (I’m not sure if I just thought that or said it)

Here we go. Well, as you can imagine there really wasn’t much this lady had in terms of actual parenting experience. Total years parenting? Zero. Oldest of how many siblings? None. Years nannying? Zip. Qualifications for this kind of job? “I can relate to kids” (her words, not mine). Yeah! Of course you bloody can. You are a kid. To be honest, she was a nice kid though. She meant well and she really listened and tried to provide some sound advice around connecting with children. That notwithstanding, it was like a physicist getting a crash course on particle theory from a lab assistant or – put another way – it was like Tony Blair giving Casanova pick up tips.

The good news is I went home and immediately reconnected with my son. I told him I was seeing a psychiatrist because of him, to which he said LOL.

Later he wrote me a letter:

Dear Dad

I’m so sorry you have to see a psychiatrist because of me. I don’t know what exactly a physiatrist is but I think they fix mad people and you are definitely mad and I suppose that’s my fault.

So hopefully it will come as a great relief to you that I’m running away. I’m running away with my mates. One of them knows an older girl who has tattoos, a nose piercing and lives in a Winnebago. She said we can all live together. She pays for the Winnebago by growing pot and selling it outside schools. Don’t worry, dad. Pot doesn’t really hurt anyone and I haven’t started smoking yet so I’ll just help with the selling.

I’ll write to you every now and then and I’m sure I’ll see you when we are next passing through the area.

I hope you get better soon,

Son

PS – don’t worry dad, none of that is true. I just wanted to remind you there are worse things in life than the school report which is coming soon.

I wrote him one back. It just said:

LOL