The experience at school, with its new challenges, interaction with other children, and opportunities to master powerful skills like reading and math, should be exciting and fun for kids. So imagine my surprise when I heard our 7 year old saying that they thing she liked best about school was that the teachers listened to her! How simple and yet how profound.

What does a child need in order to learn?

What our little girl brought to life is that children can learn only when they feel safe and welcome. At school this means they need to know that their teachers like them and think they’re special. They need to know that they won’t be bullied or made fun of on the playground or in the hallways. They need encouragement, high expectations, and a good deal of fun.

Once these basics are met then they can relax enough to absorb information and new skills. Just as in the home environment, children need kindness, affection, and some measure of one-on-one time if they are ever going to develop. For schools to foster learning, and for parents to support their children, we grown-ups need to see that the emotional needs of children are met both at home and in the schools.

That got me thinking about specific things I do to ensure my daughter feels loved at home. Let me list what I think are the essentials:

Plenty of physical affection and closeness. Closeness fuels her confidence and frees her mind of little worries.

Plenty of fun stuff and learning through play. In my experience children learn best through play and hands-on activities. Not just at home, but also at school. The classrooms that seem to be the most effective are the ones where children are doing things together, experimenting, and teaching each other what they’ve learned.

The freedom to make mistakes and ask questions without fear of shame or belittlement. In our household we try not to think of them as “mistakes” and/or “failures”, but rather a learning.

To be treated fairly. A child’s keen sense of justice demands that they and others be treated thoughtfully and fairly. Fairness, to children, means there are limits and boundaries, but it doesn’t mean you belittle them or attack them when they cross the boundary.

When a child isn’t able to concentrate or to learn, there’s usually an emotional issue that blocks their progress. This is the position children are normally in when they aren’t doing well at school. When they can’t write a story, can’t memorize their times tables, or can’t sit down to their homework, they feel upset, and often scared. That being the case, the first thing I want from a school and my children’s teachers is to ensure my child is feeling safe, welcome, and wanted

That then got me thinking about what the school is responsible for. Whilst schools should be able to provide an environment that children are feel emotionally safe in, schools are not solely set up to help children with the tensions that keep them from learning and getting along. This is a job we parents need to do.

Children want their parents to be the ones to listen

The dilemma is that children need more one-on-one attention while they are learning; this is only natural when you think about it. But unfortunately, it’s at school (where most of the learning is meant to take place) that children need to compete for the attention of just one adult. If we ever get to the point where schools are genuinely supportive to children, we’ll probably look back at present class sizes, at the lack of support for teachers, and at the lack of services for children experiencing difficulties in learning, and think of conditions in our times as rather primitive!

Since these conditions are what they are, almost every child will experience some difficult times in school. It’s inevitable. So here are a few guiding principles that you may find helpful when they hit a hard patch.

It doesn’t help to blame your child, yourself, or the teacher for the difficulty. You aren’t to blame. Your child isn’t to blame. The teacher is not to blame. No matter who has made mistakes, the heart of the matter is the lack of support and assistance for everyone involved.

First, listen to your child about the difficulty. He or she is obviously feeling hurt and upset, and they can’t solve the problem in that state. See if you can be warm and positive enough to help them work the through the pain. For example, children can often work through their feelings of victimization and come up with their own solutions to troubles at school, if they have the chance to offload the feelings in big, hard cries at home.

Let your child be in charge of the solutions. After your child has shed big feelings of upset, and after you’ve spent some time just being close to him or her, ask what he or she wants to do. Listen carefully. There may be a role you can play in advocating for him or her with the teacher or helping him or her talk with his or her friends. But don’t assume that because your child brought their feelings to you, that they want you to take charge of the situation. Many times, children can think of how they want to take charge after one or several good cries.

If you do decide to take matters to the teachers or other children make sure you get the whole story first. If your child does want you to approach a teacher or other students, listen well before you attempt to find solutions. A teacher, principal, or student needs to have their side of the story heard before they will be able to change a viewpoint or cooperate toward a fresh solution. If things aren’t working well, they feel badly about it, even if they’re acting like they don’t. Fresh, workable behavior comes only from a mind that’s been freed a bit from its troubles by a good listener, a listener who cares about all the parties involved.

At the end of the day, school should be a place of fun and comfort as well as a insitute for learning. This shouldn’t be surprising given that the children are most able to absorb and retain information when they feel secure and safe.

“Wow, clearly (s)he is gifted”

Or, erm, maybe not

“Gifted” has become an overly used word in the parenting lexicon. Unfortunately though, it’s also one of the most misused. The truth is that only 2% of kids are actually gifted. According to one study referred to by CNN, prodigies are rarer still, at 1 or 2 in a million. Interestingly, despite the boom in educational techniques, those numbers haven’t been increasing. The occurrence of “giftedness” is consistently rare.

So whether or not your child is gifted, parents should start with the basics. All children need to feel loved and cherished. Having the basic needs of security and attachment met are critical for future learning. And as for stimulating a remarkable mind, most educators believe that play is the thing. Far more important than prescribed special programs or learning tools is the opportunity to explore without constraint.  “When it’s fun and playful, that’s when it gets into your head” says Advisory for the National Association for Gifted Children, Robin Schader PhD.

I Think My Child Is Gifted

Of course you do. We all do. That’s part of being a parent. You think your child is the most beautiful, talented, funny, sensitive, intelligent, tough, well-rounded kid out there. That’s only natural. I’d hate to look at my kids and think that they were just… well, average! I mean seriously, what parent wants average kids? But seriously, if you really think that your little one has something unique about them then these are some anecdotal kinds of observations that can be made by parents to see if their child it gifted. (These are of course just general thoughts and are not accurate for children of all ages).

• Does (s)he read at an early age – often before five?
• Does (s)he get along well with adults or older children?
• Does (s)he have a wild imagination?
• And strong opinions?
• Does (s)he have a very good memory for details?
• Is (s)he very curious?
• And/or critical of himself or herself?
• Does (s)he ask a lot of questions?
• Does (s)he see himself or herself as “different” from the other kids?
• Does (s)he plan ahead?
• Does (s)he not always respond well to external motivation?
• Does (s)he become uninterested when things slow down?
• Is (s)he critical of himself or herself and others?
• Does (s)he understand adult jokes and stories?
• Does (s)he make good guesses at things?
• Does (s)he have a well-developed sense of right and wrong?
• And likes to learn for the sake of learning?
• Might (s)he be experiencing discipline issues at school; especially at staying focused?
• Does (s)he have a well-developed vocabulary?

If your child exhibits some or several of these characteristics, you might want to consider getting some professional advice/testing to identify if your child is gifted. But please don’t drive yourself (and your child) crazy by overdoing it. If your kid is truly gifted then simply exposing them to different experiences will help get the developmental juices flowing. I mean, I know my kids are gifted, but the best thing I can do is give them the gift of time with me. Playing, reading, bonding and having fun. So relax and just get the basics right, because without that, what’s the point?

So when you are reading this, please don’t take it as gospel! These are “rules of thumb” and you shouldn’t be concerned if your child isn’t hitting these milestones like clockwork. However, by the age of 2, differences should have evened out so if by then your toddler is extremely irritable, seldom smiles or makes few gestures or sounds then there is reason to be concerned. I imagine, though, that regular visits to the paediatrician will have already spotted early developmental problems by this stage anyway.

Back to these milestones. Once your toddler reaches the age of two, as hand-eye coordination improves, most toddlers enjoy activities such as puzzles, building bricks, scribbling and colouring. By the age of three, language skills develop rapidly. Reciting nursery rhymes, singing songs and reading books are especially suited to and exciting for a child of this age. Now let’s break it down a little further.

By the end of month 14 a child typically:

• Takes two or three steps unassisted or may walk
• If walking, may be learning to run
• Stands alone well
• Puts an object into a container
• Stacks two bricks
• Responds to one-step spoken commands without gestures
• Speaks one to six words other than ‘ma-ma’ and ‘da-da’
• Uses jargoning (sounds like a foreign language)

By the end of month 16 a child typically:

• Walks well
• Drinks from a cup
• Scribbles
• Points to items wanted
• Communicates affection, pleasure and excitement
• Begins to understand limits
• Imitates activities

By the end of month 18 a child typically:

• Runs
• Enjoys climbing
• Understands some sentences
• Points to nose, eyes and mouth
• Walks while carrying toys
• Says at least a dozen words besides ‘ma-ma’ and ‘da-da’
• Feeds self with a spoon or fork
• Begins to join words
• Bends over easily to pick up toys
• Gains some control over bowel and bladder
• Enjoys small riding toys
• Shows a preference for certain toys
• Finds it difficult to share
• Explores away from parents and carers

By the end of month 20 a child typically:

• Walks up steps
• Speaks between six and 50 words
• Refers to him/herself by name
• Shows interest in caring for him/herself
• Builds a tower of two to four bricks
• Points to one or more body parts when asked
• Points out pictures in a book
• Removes some clothing

By the end of month 24 a child typically:

• Jumps and runs well
• Kicks and throws a ball
• Goes up and down stairs by him/herself
• Builds tower using six bricks
• Identifies two to four pictures in a book by pointing
• Identifies one item in a book with words
• Speaks around 50 words (some variation is normal)
• Can be understood half the time when speaking
• Uses some two-word combinations
• ’Feeds’ dolls
• Identifies some body parts
• May brush teeth (with help)
• Puts on a piece of clothing

By the end of month 30 a child typically:

• Points to four identified pictures
• Uses more than 50 single words
• Combines words often
• Follows a two-step verbal command
• Names six body parts
• Identifies one to four pictures verbally

By the end of 36 months a child typically:

• Alternates feet when walking up and down steps
• Dresses and undresses self (with marginal success)
• Uses a pedal tricycle
• Follows a two- or three-part command
• Communicates with four- or five-word sentences
• Uses pronouns
• Most spoken words are comprehensible to others
• Understands most speech
• Interested in ‘pretend’ play
• Socialises well with others
• Is often ready to begin toilet training

Remember that your toddler is developing at an incredible rate. During these months and years you will watch him go from a tentative toddler to a confident kid with a growing awareness of his/her environment. He/she will gain new cognitive, emotional and physical skills as they transition from a dependent baby to an independent child. It’s an exciting time filled with new adventure… above all else, make sure you enjoy it as much as your toddler will!

Does the word “bully” evoke an image of a tough, muscular boy beating up on a skinny kid on a school playground? Despite the popular perception that only boys are playground and bus bullies, girls’ involvement in bullying is just as common and visible — and with equal emotional and social consequences.

Over half of all children suffer bullying at school. It is therefore nonsense to think it won’t happen to you or your children. Do your research on bullying now before the bullying starts. According to professor of educational leadership at Argosy University, “middle schools in city areas record that nearly 50% of students will be exposed to bullying of some sort, and of that number, nearly half again will involve one girl picking on another.”

Bullies are nearly always cowards, who pick on someone who is physically less strong than themselves. The usual motivation behind bullying is simple; to increase the social status of the bully, whilst feeding the perpetrators drivers (whether that be jealousy, a need for attention, anger and/or fear).

As a society we instil in children the inappropriateness of using violence, often punishing them with violence for being violent. In a bullying situation, responsible adults often become critical of children for not responding to violence with violence by saying “why don’t you just stand up for yourself?” Schools have a legal obligation called a “duty of care” to protect children from danger and this duty of care cannot be abdicated and denied by blaming the target of bullying for not standing up for themselves.

So, what can be done to help curtail bullying at the school level? There are a number of measures schools across the UK have implemented, such as the use of close-circuit television and frequent intervention by school guidance counselors and school resource officers. “Teens can oftentimes have a vengeance towards one another, and it requires a team approach to resolve,” says Professor Niblock, Headmaster of Oxford Middle School. Some schools even have a “zero-tolerance” policy on bullying, and require every student to sign an anti-bullying contract that is referred to during mediation and discipline procedures.

According to Professor Niblock, the middle school at which he works enforces a “first come, first heard” rule. “Students are told that if they are participating in or retaliating in an incident of harassment or bullying and are called to the office, the policy is going to favour the reporter. This measure has increased incidences of reporting and minimized the acts of bullying that happen on a daily basis.”

How then can we combat bullying?

For children being bullied:

The first and most important step is to report the bullying and harassment to parents and school officials. You may feel shame, embarrassment, guilt and fear. This is normal, but misplaced. The bullies stimulate these as part of trying to control you. Overrule these feelings. Tell a trusted parent immediately and formulate a plan of action. Get hold of leaflets, pamphlets and books on dealing with bullying at school. Read everything you can. Knowledge is power.

Never ignore bullying. Instead, refuse to engage and refuse to respond to the bullies’ provocation. Learn to recognise bullying as soon as it starts. Early recognition is the key to a successful outcome. Recognise that you have a right not to be bullied, harassed, assaulted or abused. Understand that the accusations, allegations, criticisms, taunts etc that the bullies make are all false and are a projection of the bullies’ own weaknesses, shortcomings, wrongdoings and failings. Sometimes, the bully’s accusations can contain a grain of truth. That is there to fool you into thinking the whole accusation has validity, which it does not. The bullies criticisms, allegation, accusation, taunts etc have no validity whatsoever. It is important to understand this.

For parents of children being bullied:

Don’t expect your children to tell you they are being bullied; bullies intimidate their targets into staying silent with threats of violence which they will carry out. Talk to your children about bullying, explain the dynamics, and tell them to tell you as soon as it starts. Tell them you will always discuss things with them first and agree courses of action before doing anything.

Learn to recognise the signs of your child being bullied … damage or loss of clothes and possessions, school avoidance, changes in speech patterns, changes in sleeping patterns, changes in diet, changes in academic performance, secretiveness, uncommunicativeness, bed wetting, sullenness, changes in routines, etc.

Parents should take a proactive step in helping their children by watching and observing emotional signs and body language. When kids appear sullen, secretive, and moody, many parents attribute these behaviours to normal hormonal changes and adolescent rebellion. However, these may well be symptoms that a child is a victim of bullying. School absences, anxiety, depression and long-term mental health concerns can all be consequences of bullying.

If you’ve taken all necessary steps and the school hasn’t dealt with the bullies, it may be time to think about legal action. Any school which forces children to endure bullying (by failing to deal with bullies and by failing to expel them) might be prosecuted under the Human Rights Act for exposing children to degrading treatment.

Books for All Ages

The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein
Where the Sidewalk Ends: the Poems and Drawing of Shel Silverstein by Shel Silverstein
Little Women by Louisa May Alcott
The Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum
Heidi by Johanna Spyri

Books for Preschoolers

The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle
Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise Brown
Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What do you see? by Bill Martin, Jr.
The Rainbow Fish by Marcus Pfister
Corduroy by Don Freeman
The Snowy Day by Ezra Jack Keats
The Runaway Bunny by Margaret Wise
Guess How Much I Love You by Sam McBratney

Books for Children Ages 4-8

The Polar Express by Chris Van Allsburg
Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss
The Cat in the Hat by Dr. Seuss
Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak
Love You Forever by Robert N. Munsch
Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst
The Mitten by Jan Brett
Stellaluna by Janell Cannon
Oh, The Places You’ll Go by Dr. Seuss
Strega Nona by Tomie De Paola
The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams
How the Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr. Seuss
The True Story of the Three Little Pigs by Jon Scieszka
Chicka Chicka Boom Boom by John Archambault
The Complete Tales of Winnie the Pooh by A. A. Milne
If You Give a Mouse a Cookie by Laura Joffe Numeroff
The Lorax by Dr. Seuss
Amazing Grace by Mary Hoffman
Jumanji by Chris Van Allsburg
Math Curse by Jon Scieszka
Are You My Mother? by Philip D. Eastman
The Napping House by Audrey Wood
Sylvester and the Magic Pebble by William Steig
The Tale of Peter Rabbit by Beatrix Potter
Horton Hatches the Egg by Dr. Seuss
Basil of Baker Street by Eve Titus
The Little Engine That Could by Watty Piper
Curious George by Hans Augusto Rey
Wilfrid Gordon McDonald Partridge by Mem Fox
Arthur series by Marc Tolon Brown
Lilly’s Purple Plastic Purse by Kevin Henkes
The Little House by Virginia Lee Burton
Amelia Bedelia by Peggy Parish
The Art Lesson by Tomie De Paola
Caps for Sale by Esphyr Slobodkina
Clifford, the Big Red Dog by Norman Bridwell
The Paper Bag Princess by Robert N. Munsch

Books for Children Ages 9-12

Charlotte’s Web by E. B. White
Hatchet by Gary Paulsen
The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe by C. S. Lewis
Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl
A Wrinkle in Time by Madeleine L’Engle
Shiloh by Phyllis Reynolds Naylor
Little House on the Prarie by Laura Ingalls Wilder
The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett
The Boxcar Children by Gertrude Chandler Warner
Sarah, Plain and Tall by Patricia MacLachlan
The Indian in the Cupboard by Lynne Reid Banks
Island of the Blue Dolphins by Scott O’Dell
Maniac Magee by Jerry Spinelli
The BFG by Roald Dahl
The Giver by Lois Lowry
James and the Giant Peach: A Children’s Story by Roald Dahl
Little House in the Big Woods by Laura Ingalls Wilder
Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry by Mildred D. Taylor
Stone Fox by John Reynolds Gardiner
Number the Stars by Lois Lowry
Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of Nimh by Robert C. O’Brien
The Best Christmas Pageant Ever by Barbara Robinson
Matilda by Roald Dahl
Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing by Judy Blume
Ramona Quimby, Age 8 by Beverly Cleary
The Trumpet of the Swan by E. B. White
The Chronicles of Narnia by C. S. Lewis
The Phantom Tollbooth by Norton Juster
Tuck Everlasting by Natalie Babbitt
Anne of Green Gables by Lucy Maud Montgomery
The Great Gilly Hopkins by Katherine Paterson
Little House books by Laura Ingalls Wilder – Laura Ingalls Wilder Webquest
Sideways Stories from Wayside School by Louis Sachar
Harriet the Spy by Louise Fitzhugh
A Light in the Attic by Shel Silverstein
Mr. Popper’s Penguins by Richard Atwater
My Father’s Dragon by Ruth Stiles Gannett
Stuart Little by E. B. White
Walk Two Moons by Sharon Creech
The Witch of Blackbird Pond by Elizabeth George Speare
The Watsons Go to Birmingham-1963 by Christopher Paul Curtis

Books for Young Adults

Where the Red Fern Grows by Wilson Rawls
The Hobbit by J. R. R. Tolkien
Summer of the Monkeys by Wilson Rawls
The Cay by Theodore Taylor
The Sign of the Beaver by Elizabeth George Speare

Primary-aged children who are taught at home learn more than those in schools, according to a number of studies into the benefits of home learning.

Ongoing research reveals that in national literacy assessments, approximately 80% of home educated children were at the same level in their studies as the top 20% of school educated children.

With education being a hot topic for nearly all parents, we need to take stock of our position on home Vs School learning.

There are, typically, prejudices about families who choose not to send their children to schools. However, the main disadvantage seems to be other people’s opinions, rather than the results of home tutoring itself. For example, the most common criticism of educating children at home is the idea that those children are isolated. Other people assume that home educating is very middle-class.

This point is also unfounded when we look at the reality. A recent report on home education found that home tutored children come from families with a wider socio-economic reach than previously thought; indeed 14% of parents were employed in manual or unskilled occupations.

Children taught at home were also found to be more confident than those taught at school. At home, more emphasis was put on learning life skills – such as communication, interpersonal skills, as well as self-esteem and responsibility – than in schools.

I’m sitting on the fence on this one, but I know from personal experience that if I look at kids I know who have been home schooled, they do exhibit some positive differences. For example, they seem to develop more responsibility and they are far more involved in what is happening in the family. That’s very different from children who are out of the house during the day time.

A 15-year-old I know from the UK, who has never been to school, says he believes school “crushes the spirit”, (although he concedes it may have been easier to be taught in one!). “Exams might be easier in school, because the system is set up that way. But I hear what people say about school and they seem to really hate it.”

With reference to friends, this particular boy says he has always had plenty of them, particularly from families of other home-educators.

OK, eventually he’d like to progress from home schooling and go to university to study biology, but for the time being he is one very happy child (and his exam results were extremely good).