Quick Tips from the Experts

• Give your house a “crawl test” to check for unseen dangers. By going from room to room yourself, you have your child’s point of view and dangerous objects are easier to spot.
• Don’t call medicine “candy.” Many parents will use this tactic to get a stubborn child to take a dose, but experts say it could mislead a child to take other medicines they accidentally get their hands on.
• Keep your children from seeing you unlock doors and drawers or open safety latches. They can learn from watching you.
• Keep dog and cat dishes away from your child’s play area.
• Keep watch for small objects in reachable distances of your child. This includes food, buttons, and other objects kids can choke on.
• One study shows that parents with childproofed homes don’t need to say “no” as frequently because all dangerous objects are out of reach and children are in safe play areas.

Different Rooms to Baby Proof: Basics

• Living Room: Anchor down TVs and all light or loose furniture (lamps, bookcases) that could fall, topple over, or be pulled down.
• Your bedroom: Same as with living room, but also latch all drawers.
• Nursery: Before using a new crib, make sure all screws are tight and that rails are no wider than 2 3/8 inches wide.
• Bathroom: Latch the toilet cover and low cabinets and keep medicines and all dangerous items out of reach.

Dangerous Areas Around the House

•        Balconies
•        Stairs
•        Doors
•        Pools
•        Basement/ Garage

What to Buy and What to Replace

1. Fit all electric outlets with outlet covers – and even keep a few in your bag. Never assume a playdate’s home is childproofed.
2. Replace rubber-tipped door stops with soft door jambs to avoid a possible choking hazard.
3. Make sure smoke alarms are properly placed in every room of your home and test them once a month.

Childproofing at Different Ages

• 0-6 months: Don’t underestimate your child. They may not have rolled over yet, but they will — and it will be a surprise. Make sure your child is properly secured on changing tables and in car seats.
• 6-12 months: Small items that your child can choke on are very important to watch out for at this stage. Your child has begun to crawl and any object in their path will get a taste-test.
• 1-2 years: Make sure everything is properly anchored down or out of reach. Your child will have begun to stand and will pull on anything and everything to hold themselves up.
• 2+ years: Pad the corners of coffee tables and low furniture. Keep external house doors locked. Everything that can be opened will get opened.

Tips for childproofing on the go

1. Do a childproofing check upon arrival anywhere your child will sleep overnight and move breakable or dangerous objects out of reach.
2. At friends’ houses who have older children, watch out for older toys that may not be safe or may have small parts.
3. When staying elsewhere overnight, be sure any borrowed cribs meet safety standards. It might be worth bringing your own portable crib.
4. You might stock up on extra outlet covers for trips to hotels or for the room your child will be staying in when visiting friends or family.
5. When visiting older relatives, beware of medications within reach. 

Top childproofing secrets from the Pros

1. Several experts recommend literally crawling from room to room to see everything your child has access to. Anything that poses a hazard within reach should be moved.
2. Sometimes there isn’t a specific product to address a hazard, reminds Linette Palmer, co-owner of a babyproofing service Family First. “You may need to block off an area,” she says, or “get creative with solutions.”
3. In some cases, wait a few years before introducing certain items. “There’s no way to make a tall halogen lamp safe until your kid is old enough to know not to knock it over,” says Palmer.
4. Keep certain latches or locks a secret from your children, and don’t let them see you operate them, suggests the team at Family First. If they watch you unlatch the dishwasher or a particular cabinet, they may learn to do so themselves.
5. Do not refer to medicine as candy when you give your child a dose, as it may entice him to want to try other medicines he gets his hands on by accident.
6. “Don’t forget about pet bowls,” says Palmer. “A child can drown in a big bowl of water for the dog.”
7. Unfortunately, you’re never entirely done childproofing. The Academy of Pediatrics recommends doing a “child’s-eye view” survey each New Year.
8. Constantly scan your floors and easy-to-reach surfaces for loose change, buttons, dropped pieces of food or any other small objects that kids could choke on.
9. And no matter how well you childproof your home, you also need to be prepared for accidents. Be sure that the phone numbers of your pediatrician, poison control and the address of the nearest hospital are posted in an easy-to-find place for any caregivers.

The following 10 positive parenting tips are based on this knowledge of “what you give is what you get” and are aimed at empowering your children in terms of respect, understanding, a degree of autonomy, unconditional love and support.

1 Giving Your Child the Power of Positive Attitude

Our children are often very, very sensitive and susceptible to our own mental state. They’re like sponges – they ‘soak up’ whatever mood you give them. And the younger they are, the more they readily take in what you give them, without question. For instance, if I feel that: “Jeez, my son is difficult today.” Chances are that most likely he is reflecting some of my own ‘stressed’ or ‘negative’ energy.

So being conscious of your own mood and behavior and making a choice as to what you want to transmit to your child is one of the first steps in conscious and positive parenting. Here are more positive parenting tips on maintaining a positive attitude:

• Consider yourself a mirror: “What I emit, will become what my child will feel.” This insight will help you become more conscious of your mood and attitude.

• Notice the way you speak about the world: Do you focus on possibilities (It’s raining, now we’ll get a chance to put on boots and jump in puddles) or limitations (It’s raining and we’ll get wet and cold if we go out.).

2 Positive Expectations Bring out the Best in Your Child

Have you heard of the law of attraction (sometimes referred to as “the Secret”)? It works like this: Whatever you focus on, you’ll get! That’s a bit crude, but that’s essentially it. The point is, if you have positive expectations of your child, he or she will do his or her best to live up to them. However, it also goes the other way around: If you expect your child to disobey you, he or she will sense this lack of trust and ‘obey’ your unsaid intentions. In other words, they’ll behave exactly as you expect.

Here are some things you can do to promote your positive expectations:

• Expect your child to manage a moderately challenging task and show this trust to your child in an energy of confidence and patience. This basic trust from you to your child is extremely empowering to them.

• Positively prepare your child for upcoming events by talking about them in terms of possibilities and positive expectations.

• Expect your evenings to be calm, joyful and full of love and notice how much power your positive expectations have.

3 Passing on Beliefs That Actually Work and Make Sense

The beliefs we hold true are powerful and influential in both good and bad ways. They often work like an invisible force that guides our actions without us being “consciously” aware of what is driving our actions. Whilst some of these beliefs are useful and beneficial for us, there are often others that are inefficient and unhelpful. When your child revolts against your ideas, use this as a great opportunity to check whether your belief is really sound or just “conditioning”.

Here are more positive parenting tips about positive beliefs:

• When you want your kid to do something and your kid doesn’t want to – take a brief look and review it critically (e.g. the belief that a child should be in bed by eight o’clock). Ask yourself: “Is this belief a true absolute? Does it make objective sense and is right for my unique child?”

• When you have an idea and want to review its right for existence, you can ask yourself this: Does the idea stem from my gut / intuition or does the idea feel rigid and un-meaningful. If it feels rigid (“It just has to be this way”) – most likely your idea / belief is a general norm that might not fit your child. If you sense the idea is based on your intuition, you most likely have sensed a true need in your child – then stick to it (your intuition about your own child is usually right!).

4 Trust and Include Your Child

Many of us have grown up believing that in order to develop responsibility and independence, kids must have firm rules and learn to do as they are told. However, by including your child in the process of decision making and letting them have some degree of say, you actually teach your child the skill of responsibility in making choices. By letting your child “choose”, you give him or her the opportunity to learn how the power of their gut feeling works and to trust the signals of their own intuition and bodies. This skill is incredibly valuable in adult life.

Here are more positive parenting tips about positive trust and inclusion:

• Set up a general framework and let your child decide within it. For instance, put only food on the evening table that you can vouch for (ie make sure nothing is unhealthy). Then your kid can choose whatever and as much as he or she wants. This is empowerment in the sense that it will teach your child to trust his or her own bodily instincts as to what his or her body craves today and what it doesn’t need today.

• Give your child a little more space for challenges (e.g. high climbing on the playground) than your fear normally allows you. This will show your child that you trust him or her. This trust helps your child believe in himself or herself.

5 Open up Your Child’s View on the World with Positive Language

Language is incredibly powerful. It can either open up the world with possibilities and potential of fun or lock it down with limitations and bans. Here are some positive uses of language:

• Think about only using “No” when absolutely necessary: For instance, instead of saying “No, you can’t sit in the front seat, you’re too small” turn it around to positive statement of possibility: “The backseat is your seat. There you’ll have all your toys and you can help mum or dad find out which way to go!”

• Explain the necessary “No’s” with a thorough explanation in terms of concrete consequences: “I’m sorry but you can’t play with your cars in the middle of the road. Your see the cars coming there? They come very fast and might not see you out there. And if they don’t see you, they might hit you. And that will hurt a lot. So don’t you think it’s a better idea to make your racetrack in the garden – I think it is!”

6 Make Your Day Easier by Tuning in to and Understanding Your Child

Everyday life can be so much easier if we actually bother to try and understand why our child acts the way he or she does. Often when our child is angry or cranky it’s because he or she has a need (e.g. attention, acceptance, hunger, fatigue, touch etc.) that he or she needs us to fulfill. By trying to put yourself in your child’s shoes and trying to understand their actions from their perspective, you’re taking your child seriously. This is the basic recipe of respect.

Here are some positive parenting tips about positive empathy:

• When your child is sad or angry, try to remain calm and tune in to your child to try to ‘read’ what kind of need (e.g. attention, acceptance, hunger, fatigue, touch etc.) lies behind the behavior and try to do what you can to fulfill the need.

• Try to not see your child as naughty or an enemy that needs to be fought or ‘broken’ in order to become compliant. A much more satisfying way to deal with a crisis is to merely see your child as having a need that is not met. Looking at the situation in this way may feel like a difficult turnaround in your head, but it really works.

7 Strive Towards Positive Honesty

Some parents (me included!) think they can get themselves out of a difficult situation with their child by telling a “little white lie”. For instance, I might be inclined to say “No, there are no onions in this bolognaise”, knowing full well that she won’t be able to taste them anyway! It’s a quick fix, but the problem with this strategy is that whilst it works effectively in getting your child to eat the bolognaise (and onions) right then and there, it fails on two accounts. First, it doesn’t tackle the issue that your child has with onions and second, at some point your child will find out you’re lying and by implication think that it’s okay to lie if it makes life instantly easier for themselves.

Here are some positive parenting tips about honesty:

• When your kid honestly tells you about something ‘bad’ he or she has done, try to remain calm, open and constructive. In the long term you want your child to come to you if he or she is in trouble. If your child fears your reaction (being angry or disappointed) it is highly likely that he or she will keep his or her trouble to himself or herself in the future. Therefore support your kid’s honesty, no matter what they are telling you!

• Your child is never too young to have an honest explanation. If your child doesn’t understand a “no” or wants to know why something works the way it does – strive to give a positively centered and honest explanation based on simple consequences: For instance: “When you hit Jess, she doesn’t like it. It makes her arm hurt and then she’ll cry. If Jess takes something from you, it’s a good idea to say to her that you want it back. You can also tell one of the adults about it.”

8 Respecting Your Child Will Make Your Child Respect You

For some reason many people think that just because their child is younger, they are not fully entitled to respect. However, what they don’t see is that if they give their child respect, they will in turn learn to respect too. Here are some positive parenting tips about positive respect:

• Respect is not something you teach your child. Respect is something you give your child if you want him or her to respect you. In fact, whatever basic life skills (being compassionate, understanding, patient etc.) you want your child to learn, demonstrate those skills yourself.

• When you try to see things from your kid’s perspective, you are much less prone to struggle and force things through in a disrespectful manner. When you respect your child’s boundaries (accepting that he or she might not want to go to the toilet right now or or doesn’t feel like eating), your child will intuitively learn not to cross your boundaries.

9 Shower Your Child with Your Full Presence and Attention

Your full presence is probably one of the most powerful tools you have as a parent. In itself, it is often a therapeutic, comforting, and healing thing for a child (just to have their parents there).

• Paying attention to our kid when we are busy is difficult. However, it’s quite easy to involve your child in whatever tasks we as parents are doing (cleaning, cooking, etc) and in doing so you are showing them attention. This can have a tremendous effect as your child will feel seen and heard and will therefore be more prone to accepting your situation.

• When your kid is showing bad behavior or is angry and frustrated – try to not ride along the same emotional wave. Meet your child with an accepting and embracing energy instead – this is unconditional parenting. There’s a reason for the frustration and you accepting your child no matter how he or she behaves is incredibly important to them.

10 Unconditionally Support Your Child to Build High Self Esteem

Some people believe that constantly praising your child’s actions will build high self esteem. Whilst positive affirmation is undoubtedly a powerful and necessary tool in building your child’s confidence and self belief it is important that your child doesn’t come to think that affection only comes from doing well. The idea that “If I behave and impress my parents I will get positive attention” programs your child to seek praise because that is where he or she has learnt an award awaits: namely feeling seen and admired.

However, unconditional support – supporting who your child is, no matter what – is another matter completely. Here are some positive parenting tips about positive support:

• Try not to evaluate your child’s actions entirely in terms of accomplishments or failures: “This drawing is really, really good” or “This is not that good”. Whilst congratulating them on a good job is great, try to also include your kid’s feeling of the process “Tell me about your drawing. It looks like you had a great time doing it. What does it mean? Why did you choose this colour?”

• Try not to use punishment, threats or bribes as ways to control your child’s behavior: rewarding your child when he or she lives up to your standards (“You’re a good boy or girl) and punishing your kid when he or she fails (“You’re a bad boy or girl), is unfortunate. You actually teach your child that he or she has to ‘earn’ your love or to work for it. This means that your child will identify love with his or her accomplishments rather than his or her person. What we want as parents is that our child feels loved simply for who they are, not what they do.

Positive parenting is a powerful, yet easy method of parenting. When done properly it offers a style which is focused on what really works for both your child and for you. Very often it’s just about doing what feels right and following our common sense along with our strong gut feeling. But, as we all know, life with children (at whatever age) isn’t always easy! Everybody – even the most resourceful of parents – needs support, new inspiration, practical tips and parenting advice at some point or other. Hopefully you can get something out of the above tips. They certainly work for me. Remember, though, that parenting differs from family to family and what works for some doesn’t necessarily mean it will work for others. Trust your intuition about what is right, and that is often the best advice.

Good luck and happy parenting!

Parenting skills are something that new parents can only learn on the fly. It is not really something that comes with a set of directions. What parents can do is make the commitment to invest the time, effort, and dedication necessary to raise their children to be honest, responsible people.

It would be impossible to draw up a list of list of hard and fast rules and methods for parenting. Simply because not all family situations are alike, and not all children respond to parenting methods in the same way. If this is so, does that make any talk of ‘learning’ about parenting useless? Absolutely not! While methods may have differing effects, and every situation calls for a different set of rules, the things that should remain constant are the basic concepts each parent must learn. These concepts will help guide parents in their constant effort to be better parents.

Unconditional Love – Unconditional love is one of the concepts that should permeate every action and every interaction between parent and child. It is also one of the most misunderstood concepts. How a parent expresses this to the child may very well determine how the child views himself, and his/her worth. Many children grow up with a low sense of self-esteem as a result of many different factors. They may feel that the love they are shown depends on their accomplishments. Or, they may feel unwanted, or unloved. All parents should, early on, be certain to show their children how important they are, no matter what, so that they can grow-up loving in the same way. This concept is very important in building self worth.

Responsibility – Children should grow up with a sense of responsibility for their actions, and the things around them. Far too many children grow up to be irresponsible parents, friends, and family, not caring or not knowing how to care, and to accept their own responsibilities. Children who grow without a sense of responsibility too often find themselves blaming other people for things they should be dealing with themselves. Alternately, lack of responsibility training could cause children to blame themselves for things that they have no control over. This is an opposite, but equally undesirable problem. Responsible children learn to care for and properly manage their time and resources – and ultimately your time and resources as a parent as well!

Respect – Children should be taught to respect at an early age. They learn that there are people that they should answer to, and that there is organization within every social unit. They learn that no matter whom the person they are talking to, that person has worth and should be respected. This will help make relationships grow smoothly; as respect is one of the foundations of any good relationship. Children who learn to give and expect respect in return, adjust better to other people than those who don’t.

Conclusion

As a parent one helpful illustration might be to think of raising children as being like flying a kite – you let the kite fly into to the wind, giving slack as the kite flies higher, and reining it in if overwhelmed by the wind. But, like the kite, if properly flown your children could accomplish greater heights of personal development with the help of your support and parenting.

Did you know how to distinguish the “Musts” from the “Shoulds” for your newborn safety equipment?

Perhaps you have made your list? Here are the baby-proofing items that needs to be at the must-have tippy top.

I realize that we don’t all have hundreds of dollars to be able to throw down the all-crucial childproofing budget hole. To help the security of the serious yet economically fainthearted, I’ve classified them into the “musts”, that means that you should not care where you have them, but good parenting requires them.

For those who have more than 1 kid (or can be distracted), consider the more distractions you have at home, the more distractable you are, the more important your baby-proofing is.

The following (in order of importance) 9 baby proofing stuff you “must” have to keep the baby safe:

1. A Good Gate: Even if you are in a ranch-style home as well as an apartment with no stairs, there will be rooms or areas you won’t want your baby walking into, so a great gate is definitely a must-have babyproofing purchase.

2. A Blind Winder: The number of infants strangled every year due to dangling blind and also shade cords is actually devastating. In fact, the Customer Product Safety Commission lists cords as one of the “hidden dangers” parent’s don’t even think of. There are numerous affordable blind winders out there, but if you have to by hand re-wind the cord after every use, then chances are you won’t use it.

3. Anti-Tip Anchors: If you have a climber (or possible climber) on your hands, furniture straps are a must. Whether it’s a dresser or a shelf, attach these weighty pieces of furniture to the wall with anti-tip connectors to prevent the furniture from tipping over.

4. Fireplace Safety: The hard stone around the fire place hearth can be very unsafe with little ones close to. Its sharp edges and rough stone corners can cut, as well as seriously hurt a tripping child. You should choose one of the numerous good hearth bumper pads available on the market.

5. Corner Edge Bumpers: You can protect the corners of your end-tables and coffee tables with corner and side guards. One-size-fits all because you minimize the foam to fit your particular table exactly.

6. Outlet Covers: For used outlets with cords, you can purchase a cover that may prevent your child from unplugging the cord and messing with the outlet. They are best for higher-traffic areas where you will be inserting and un-plugging items often.

7. Childproof Latches for Cabinets and Drawers: Drawer latches are also an essential-have for childproofing your home. They may prevent your growing infant from reaching intact drawers with sharp or tiny items stored inside. Ideal for your kitchen, bathroom, or home office. Choose childproof latches that won’t let your little one to get even a hand inside.

8. Railing Net: Stair as well as railing nets will also be a must if your railing spindles tend to be further than 2.5 to 3 inches apart.

9. Bathtub Safety Items: Bath-time is always thrilling for a growing baby. Keep it risk-free by using a few of these little accessories.

• - A bathtub thermometer to gauge water temperature.
• - A bathtub safety rail to help your own little one get in and out of the tub safely.
• - A faucet cover that will protect her little head from nasty bumps.

These are the most significant baby safety gear items out there. Consider them as an important investment you will make in the years of growth and exploration still ahead of you.

Personally I’m torn. It’s not that I want my children to turn into mini Margaret Thatchers, but neither do I want them to end up in a world of debt and financial strife because they are unable or unequipped to understand how to manage money from a young age.

In our household, we introduced the concept of earning money with the use of a Chore Sheet (not quite a balance sheet!) and as long as our child completes all the chores within a week timeframe, they get paid “pocket money” at the end of the week.

We felt this was a sensible way of familiarizing her with the idea of working for your money and also ensuring that she understands that chores (by their very nature) can often be stuff you don’t necessarily want to do, but in doing so you get a reward. In addition, we’ve tried to make the “pocket money” value, big enough that she can buy herself a small treat or two each week, but small enough to mean she has to save if she sets her sights on bigger goals. (By bigger goals, I mean something akin to a Nintendo DS, not an Aston Martin DBS).

This all sounds innocent enough, until our daughter asked the inevitable question about loans and advancements! How do you explain to a 7 year old the concept of interest and the relative value of self-amortising loans? And then there was case of “administration charges”! In the end I agreed to advance her 1 month’s worth of pocket money, but she had to do an extra week of chores for the privilege (and if she reneged on any week of chores during the advancement period, she would need to double it before she was back into pocket money territory). It felt like a good lesson and a fair deal!

We have also opened an account for our daughter and we are now thinking about having a (very) small part of our wages deposited into a linked savings account. But even children’s accounts these days are full of questions and caveats:

• Bank Manager – “does she anticipate maintaining a balance of over $100,000 for the life of the account”?
• Me – “are you kidding… she’s SEVEN!”
• Bank Manager – “Does she prefer higher levels of interest over account flexibility?”
• Me – “Come again… she’s SEVEN!”
• Bank Manager – “Does she prefer transacting by internet or in person?”
• Me –“She’s…” well, you get the idea.

I do wonder are we doing the right thing? Is it wrong to try and burden kids with the concept of financial responsibility, or is it wrong not to provide a good financial base for your kids? All in all, though, I think the introduction of financial concepts (basic at this stage, but I’m sure it’ll get more complex as she gets older and asks more questions) has been a success for us. For the first time since I can remember, our daughter is now asking if she can “double-up” her chores?! She’s certainly understood that effort = reward. I’m wondering when I have to have that fateful conversation about household productivity and having to let someone go!

Despite the global financial crisis and the fact that many people have been “doing it tough” for the past year or so, nannies still remain a popular option for many families looking  for a convenient, safe and flexible childcare option.

So what are the advantages of using a nanny?

Nannies provide one-on-one care in the family home, so it is less stressful and uprooting for the child receiving care that going to a day care center, for example. Also, because of the low ratio of child to carer, the child benefits from plenty of attention and stimulation, and is more likely to form an emotional bond with a nanny.

Employing childcare in the home has the added advantage of keeping the child on familiar turf, which in turn helps children adjust more easily to parents returning to work. A kid may find the absence of a parent upsetting, but at least the safety of family home remains the same.

In addition, nannies give the parent comfort that their child or children are receiving one-to-one care from a skilled practitioner in childcare. Further to their general childcare experience, a well qualified nanny will also have studied child nutrition, health and safety, learning through play, and will also be well versed in the emotional, social, physical, linguistic, and intellectual development of your children.

Knowing how useful a good nanny or manny can be, the next question is…

How do I find a good nanny?

This is the one part of the equation that is absolutely critical, because as much as a good nanny can be godsend to both you and your children, a bad nanny can do just as much harm. Most parents wouldn’t think about compromising on the care of their children, but finding the best carer you can will take time, patience, and fair amount of resourcefulness.

1 – Make A List Of What You Want

This is an important starting point, because without knowing what you need your nanny for, you won’t be able to look in the right places. First talk to your partner about what you are trying to achieve by sourcing a nanny; will they be taking your child to school, preparing meals, helping them with homework, playing with them, taking them to after-school activities? Will the nanny be living with you and for what period of time? Once you have know what you are looking for you can prepare a list of questions you can refer to when interviewing prospective candidates.

2 – Do Your Research

This will be the most time consuming part of the exercise so be prepared to give yourself plenty of “search” time before you need the nanny to start! There are many internet resources to help put you in touch with nannies; from agencies to professionals who advertise direct. In my opinion, a personal reference is always a preference so ask around and spread the word. You can also put up your own adverts in baby clinics, schools, colleges and on notice boards.

3 – The Application Process

Once you have done the research, you should have a list of applicants for the job and this is where you need to put them all through a rigorous process. Ask questions from the list you made in step one. Find out about the experiences and their child raising philosophies. Be sure to see them at work with your child so you can see how the two of them interact… and of course CHECK THEIR REFEREES. My advice is to always trust your gut instinct; if everything seem right but you still feel something is a little amiss, then trust yourself and continue the search.

4 – Test Run

By the time you have gone through steps 1 to 3, you should now have a good shortlist of nannies for your kid(s). The final step is to do a trial run with each of them. Ask each of them to come to your home one at a time and watch them at work with your child. There’s no better way to help make a decision to see them at work for yourself.

If chosen well, a nanny can be a wonderful help in the task of raising your children. They will assist in meeting the social, intellectual and emotional needs of your kids. They will help them develop and stay healthy  and stimulated. In addition, a nanny will also provide assistance with the domestic routines related to your children, including changing beds and cleaning bedrooms, washing, and ironing their clothes, and making their meals whilst in their care. If you decide a nanny (or manny) is for you, make sure you and your children get best you can.

Despite these challenges, researchers have uncovered convincing links between parenting styles and the effects these styles have on children. During the early 1960s, psychologist Diana Baumrind conducted a study on more than 100 preschool-age children (Baumrind, 1967). Using naturalistic observation, parental interviews and other research methods, she identified four important dimensions of parenting:

• Disciplinary strategies
• Warmth and nurturance
• Communication styles
• Expectations of maturity and control

Based on these dimensions, Baumrind suggested that the majority of parents display one of three different parenting styles. Further research by also suggested the addition of a fourth parenting style (Maccoby & Martin, 1983). These are:

Authoritarian Parenting
In this style of parenting, children are expected to follow the strict rules established by the parents. Failure to follow such rules usually results in punishment. Authoritarian parents fail to explain the reasoning behind these rules. If asked to explain, the parent might simply reply, “Because I said so.” These parents have high demands, but are not responsive to their children. According to Baumrind, these parents “are obedience- and status-oriented, and expect their orders to be obeyed without explanation” (1991).

Authoritative Parenting
Like authoritarian parents, those with an authoritative parenting style establish rules and guidelines that their children are expected to follow. However, this parenting style is much more democratic. Authoritative parents are responsive to their children and willing to listen to questions. When children fail to meet the expectations, these parents are more nurturing and forgiving rather than punishing. Baumrind suggests that these parents “monitor and impart clear standards for their children’s conduct. They are assertive, but not intrusive and restrictive. Their disciplinary methods are supportive, rather than punitive. They want their children to be assertive as well as socially responsible, and self-regulated as well as cooperative” (1991).

Permissive Parenting
Permissive parents, sometimes referred to as indulgent parents, have very few demands to make of their children. These parents rarely discipline their children because they have relatively low expectations of maturity and self-control. According to Baumrind, permissive parents “are more responsive than they are demanding. They are nontraditional and lenient, do not require mature behavior, allow considerable self-regulation, and avoid confrontation” (1991). Permissive parents are generally nurturing and communicative with their children, often taking on the status of a friend more than that of a parent.

Uninvolved Parenting
An uninvolved parenting style is characterized by few demands, low responsiveness and little communication. While these parents fulfill the child’s basic needs, they are generally detached from their child’s life. In extreme cases, these parents may even reject or neglect the needs of their children.

The Results of The 4 Parenting Styles

The question then becomes “what effect do these parenting styles have on child development outcomes?”. In addition to Baumrind’s initial study of 100 preschool children, researchers have conducted numerous other studies than have led to a number of conclusions about the impact of parenting styles on children.

Authoritarian parenting styles generally lead to children who are obedient and proficient, but they rank lower in happiness, social competence and self-esteem.

Authoritive parenting styles tend to result in children who are happy, capable and successful (Maccoby, 1992).

Permissive parenting often results in children who rank low in happiness and self-regulation. These children are more likely to experience problems with authority and tend to perform poorly in school.

Uninvolved parenting styles rank lowest across all life domains. These children tend to lack self-control, have low self-esteem and are less competent than their peers.

Conclusion

After learning about the impact of parenting styles on child development, you will probably have a new appreciation for authoritative parenting techniques and may wonder why all parents simply don’t utilize an authoritative parenting style. After all, this parenting style is the most likely to produce happy, confident and capable children. What are some reasons why parenting styles might vary? Some potential causes of these differences include culture, personality, family size, parental background, socioeconomic status, educational level and religion.

Of course, the parenting styles of individual parents also combine to create a unique blend in each and every family. For example, the mother may display an authoritative style while the father favors a more permissive approach. In order to create a cohesive approach to parenting, it is essential that parents learn to cooperate as they combine various elements of their unique parenting styles.

But wait… the kids have 6 weeks, yep SIX WEEKS, off school! How quickly the anticipation of the fun of summer is lost in the pressured rush of figuring out child care, camps, and whether or not a vacation is financially possible this year. But it’s important to think, for a moment, about what opportunities summer does bring, so let’s focus on the positive for the time being…

There are chances to play more fully.

As one child psychologist, Patty Wipfler, once said “… for children, the chance to play all day, every day is a wonderful thing”. In our household, the need for a protracted period of time with no pressure of school is abundantly clear! Our little one looks like she is in dire need of some free time, where she has nothing to perform for, except by her own choosing.

Personally I’m looking forward to those water fights in the garden, playing hide and seek, building cubbies and staying at the park or the beach until it’s dark (or too cold to stay in the water!). As far as I’m concerned, these are the things I look forward to; the kinds of play that don’t require electricity, or expensive purchases and that just need a bit of imagination and playful attitude to make a success.

There are chances to learn in unusual ways.

When you have a toddler nearly ready to use the toilet, you can allow him or her to roam the back yard naked, learning to master bodily functions in a place where there can be no “accident.” If your child is afraid of the dark, you can set up a tent in the garden and sleep outside, to see what it’s like to spend the night under the light of the moon. And what better time than these Summer holidays to address fears of the water. Summer means that fresh new things can happen, usual boundaries can flex, and parents can relax a bit more around play that one wouldn’t allow when life has to be more structured.

What happens when you run out of ideas?

OK, some summer days can lose their sparkle. There are always going to be occasions when you aren’t feeling as enthused as usual or when your child feels listless, and says they are bored. You’ll notice that there actually are things they could do, and people they could play with, but they are missing that sense of adventure that can turn a simple piece of paper and a scissors into an experiment with hat making, or airplane crafting, or cut out design. The feeling inside of them is actually the problem, not any lack of things to do.

So rather than become irritated that they don’t appreciate all the things they have, or all the time you’ve spent trying to make them happy, move in close. Lie down with them, or next to them. Don’t try to solve the problem of what to do, but instead be happy that you can just stay at home and enjoy each other’s company for a while. If you want, after just being with them for a while, you can begin suggesting things that you could do. Any idea (silly or serious) will do. You’re not trying to solve the problem of what to do. You’re trying to get a bit of laughter going, and then a bit more, and then even more. Your silly ideas, and the release of laughter, will hopefully jump-start your minds and soon you’ll stumble across an idea that sticks. And if you still can’t think of anything, have a look at our fun stuff archives… there’s lot of neat ideas in there!

Staying on good terms.

If you (like me) are a parent that also holds down a job, then you have to remember that these few weeks off work are cramming in a lot of home and family time. Such intensity is unusual and takes getting used to. It’s therefore quite normal for you and the kids to become irate with each other at times. Don’t let that concern you. Your aim is to not let the pressure of the situation be reflected in your actions. Even if you are feeling hot and bothered, smile nicely and put your frustrations to the side. Remember that you can take a “time out” if you have to.

If it’s your child that’s acting up, let them. A good cry is the way many children clear their minds of emotional sludge, and regain their enthusiasm for life. Stay with them, listen to what a dumb day they are having, and don’t get offended if they tell you how stupid you are for whatever reason! To really get the awful feelings out, they need a safe person to serve as their target… and hopefully that’s you! Don’t worry, I promise that this is not their full and final evaluation of your parenting! It’s not. It’s just what they need to do to get the tears going strong, so they can come back to you and feel their love for you again when they have finished.

Vacations provide the chance to get connected.

The Summer holiday for us means vacation time. Whilst we can’t take annual leave for the full 6 weeks holiday period, we religiously try and get several weeks off when we can have prolonged contact with our daughter. Be aware though that this prolonged contact can sometimes result in a few insecurities coming to the fore. For example, when the family comes together and spends extended time with each other, a child’s limbic system, the seat of his or her emotions, gets the signal that life is better than usual. Feelings that don’t correspond to the closeness, the ease, or the sense of relaxation pop up, ready to be released. Those feelings, which can be held in storage for days or months or years, don’t necessarily match the present circumstances, so don’t be put out. If you’re not ready for your children’s emotional cleansing sessions, you’ll be irritated for sure. But just remember that your child’s upsets are the beginning of a summer growth spurt, and are a healthy sign that they love you and trust you to care.

So now that you know what to expect in terms of Summer behaviour, your task is to have a stash of fun activities that you and your kids can engage in over the vacation. If you are short of ideas, check out our suggestions of free fun things to do or our ideas of 15 activities for under a dollar.

Have fun!

Sibling rivalry is a real, powerful emotion that cannot be wished away. It’s a part of growing up with brothers and sisters. Put yourself in the child’s shoes. For the sake of a comparison, imagine that your partner comes home one day with another lover. Your partner explains that (s)he still loves you, but this new person is going to live with you all now as well. And to make things worse, the new person is needier than you are so they are going to take up a lot of your partner’s time, sorry!

Birth Order

Apparently, when my younger brother was born, I would try to talk passers-by into taking him with them. I’m told that I berated the midwife for leaving her baby with my family! I was the eldest (of what became a very large family) and rivalry is often more intense in the firstborn, because he or she has been used to the spotlight without competition. A later child comes into the world already learning to share their parent’s time and attention. This doesn’t mean that subsequent children don’t have feelings of jealousy towards other siblings, because they can and do. It really depends on how the parents handle the situation.

Age Matters

No matter what the age of the child, jealousy and competition (the two major causes of sibling rivalry) will inevitably be emotions that they have to contend with. The fact of the matter is that, no matter how hard parents try to be fair to their children, every child will feel, at one point or another, feelings of jealousy toward their sibling or siblings. Generally speaking, though, experts believe jealousy of a newborn is strongest in children under five years. That’s because up until the age of 5, a kid is much more dependent on his parents and has fewer interests outside the family circle. Once the child hits 6, they have begun to build a position for themselves among circles outside of the family (such as with friends and at school). Therefore, being pushed out of the limelight at this stage doesn’t “hurt” so much.

Why Does Sibling Rivalry Exist?

It really comes down to the child(ren) seeking the attention of the parents. With me and my siblings, if mum gave more attention (what we, as kids, thought was “love”) to one of the other brothers or sisters then this would cause severe feelings of jealousy and we would inevitably end up competing for that attention (“love”). What my mum was especially good at was making sure that we all felt loved and attended to in equal measures, but I’ve seen many households where the same sort of equality didn’t exist between kids and that turned into a recipe for disaster.

Solving the Sibling Rivalry Conundrum

Though jealousy can’t be completely prevented, what my mum did so well was to instill a sense of fairness and parity amongst the siblings. We were taught to convert those negative feelings into ones of cooperativeness and altruism. In doing so, mum also taught us a valuable lesson about fearing rivals later in life (ie, instead of fearing, try to understand).

At the end of the day, siblings will feel competition and jealousy. That’s only normal. What is more important is how the child learns to resolve those feelings. For our family, the answer lay in communicating to each other. First of all, we had to explain what we wanted from each other. Then we were taught to listen and put ourselves into the other’s shoes. Looking at things from another perspective and learning to work cooperatively towards a solution were valuable lessons that we all learnt early in our lives.

And last, but not least, from as early as I can remember, we had to kiss and cuddle each other regularly; upon waking, upon coming home from school, before going to bed… and especially after fighting! It may have seemed strange at first (I really don’t remember) but it quickly became second nature and we all ended up very close and full of love for each other. (Though it did cause some murmurs of disapproval when our school peers witnessed our fights ending up with us hugging and “pashing” each other!)

The Positive Side Of Sibling Rivalry

Coming from the context of my family, there were good things that came out of our sibling rivalry. My parents managed to help the kids transform resentful feelings into cooperation and understanding. We learnt to put aside fear of the unknown and we learnt how to deal with stress. Learning to cope with the challenges of sibling rivalry taught us valuable life lessons such as sharing and conflict resolution… and we are quite comfortable expressing our feelings and emotions with one another.

So the lesson is: with patience and understanding, parents can help children that are struggling with sibling rivalry and jealousy. Figuring out a solution can be challenging, but with good communication, a willingness to listen, and an abundance of love and support in the family home, most rivalries can be transformed into enduring, worthwhile sibling bonds. They don’t say “blood is thicker than water” for nothing!

Part of the problem, of course, is that swearing and cursing is everywhere. It has permeated the very fabric of our society. It’s in the schools, it’s on TV, and – be honest – it may even be heard in your household too (perhaps even occasionally from you?). So it’s no surprise that children cursing is such a problem these days.

Personally, I don’t like it when I hear children swearing. Oddly enough, I don’t feel anything the same when it’s an adult swearing. Why is that? I was thinking about this seemingly hypocritical position, but I do see some reason in the logic. First and foremost, I thinking swearing (along with many other vices such as drinking, smoking etc) is perceived as “sinful” in a broad sense and children are innocent. So there’s a natural disconnect when it comes to kids swearing (or drinking or smoking). It’s just wrong. Also, there is the context of social acceptance. What I mean here is that it’s generally not considered acceptable for kids to swear and curse so when they do it reflects poorly on the parents.

So what can we do to delay (if we know we can’t stop forever) the cursing? Here are a few pointers on helping your kids keep their language clean.

You Are The First Role Model

Yes, you know this is true so you can’t shirk your responsibilities on this one! Although there is bound to be peer pressure on your kids, you are still the most important influence on his or her life. If you don’t want your kids to curse, it therefore follows that you’ll have to watch your own language. If you are not someone that curses, then great. If, however, you do let the odd expletive slip here or there, don’t beat yourself up about it. If the child heard, acknowledge the slip and apologize for the bad language.

It’s Better To Explain Than To Ignore

OK, it pretty obvious that a child is going to hear swear words and cursing at some stage. You can’t hide them from the world and you can’t prevent them hearing bad language. So one of my first rules is to acknowledge what they are hearing and ask if they have any questions about what it means. If you can explain why the words are offensive and how it affects people (ie it’s rude, threatening and makes people feel uneasy) then at least your child will understand why it’s bad for them to swear.

Set The Rules

If you don’t want your child to curse, say so! Be clear about what you expect from them and help them stay on the right path. For example, you could suggest more appropriate words that they should use if they are trying to make an impact. You can also introduce a “rewards & penalties” system. For example, by docking a % of his/her pocket money for every time they use a swear word and/or giving them more time before Saturday night curfew if they use good language.

Understand Your Child

Sometimes tweens and teens curse because they are seeking attention or they are wanting to distract adults from something else (poor school marks, for example). If your child swears because you are upset with their grades, don’t let the swearing take your focus off the real issue. Take time to sit down and talk with your kid about their behaviour and try and understand what is going on in their lives. It’s important that they understand you are always there for them, no matter what. If you think you need to enlist the help of a counselor to get to the bottom of the issue, contact your child’s school counselor. Or, contact your child’s pediatrician for additional assistance and recommendations.

These days, few kids get through childhood without saying a single curse word. If your child swears, don’t take it too hard. As long as you make it clear that such words are unacceptable, the chances of your child developing an incurable foul mouth are very slim. Your job is to help them use impressive and appropriate language as much as possible.

Here are a list of Do’s and Don’ts to help you along the way:

• Don’t overreact. If you make a big scene when your child utters a dirty word, there’s a good chance that it will reinforce the behavior. They could use the word again when they crave attention, or when they want to evoke a response.
• Do your best not to laugh. Whether you truly find it amusing or just giggle nervously, this could also cause a repeat occurrence. Your child will see that he made you laugh, and s/he might use the same word again when s/he wants to be funny.
• Don’t confront your child about swearing when they are angry or upset. This will only add fuel to the fire in most cases. Work through the problem at hand, and discuss the bad language at a calmer time.
• Do watch your own language a little more closely. Kids often pick up curse words at home, and if you use them frequently, they are more likely to think it’s acceptable to do so themselves.
• Don’t let them get away with it. Depending on their age and the circumstances an effective reward Vs penalty system can be enforced (time out, suspension of certain privileges or grounding may be appropriate).
• Do consider the context of the swear-word. Calling someone a bad name is much more hurtful than swearing because you tripped and fell. Both should be discouraged, but make sure the punishment fits the crime.
• Don’t be afraid of suggesting alternative words. There are plenty of words in the English language that are not so offensive, but still get the point across. You could even encourage your child to make up his own silly expressions to use instead of curse words.
• Do acknowledge whey you slip up and say a curse word. By apologizing you will set a good example for your child.