Earlier this year, The Children’s Society, a charity associated with the Church of England, released the first independent national enquiry into the well-being of children and – this isn’t going to fall favourably on many ears – they have laid a lot of blame on working mothers for the breakup of traditional families and what they believe is the resultant psychological damage to children.

Whoa there, don’t shoot the messenger! I’m merely relaying information, and – I’ll make this clear – I don’t agree with the inferences made in the report, which I think are simplistic and draw to many linear conclusions (life is never that simple).

For example, the report says that children whose parents separates are 50% more likely to have lower grades at school, display behavioural problems or suffer from anxiety and depression. They refer to the increase in mothers going back to work as the reason the child doesn’t have a stable family life. To that I say “where is the father in all of this?”.

It may surprise you that in Australia 22% of children aged 17 and under live apart from one parent (that figure is 33% in the UK). With that in mind, I can accept that kids of separated parents may be disadvantaged if and when the parents both go off to lead their own lives and leave the kids to fend for themselves, but surely looking after children of a divorce or separation isn’t the sole responsibility of the mother.

The study also found a discrepancy between the generations in their view on the impact of parental discord. For example, 70 % of children said that their parents getting on was one of the most important factors in them being happy, while only 30 % of parents agreed with that statement.

OK OK, so what do we take from all of this? Are there lessons to be learnt here?

I think that maintaining a career and feeling guilty go hand in hand for many working mums. But the truth is that as long as a child is cared for and has the appropriate support and time from parents, then there are a number of benefits of having a working mum.

For a start, working mums are typically good role models for juggling time. Their diverse interests and commitments can offer intellectual stimulation, which rubs off on children and can lift aspirations. Also, kids tend to be more self-reliant and confident when mums work and are less inclined to stereotypical views of male-female roles in society.

Professor Lois Hoffman from the University of Michigan, whose book, Mothers at Work: Effects on Children’s Wellbeing, says “daughters of employed women are more independent, less shy and feel more competent and capable”. She found children of working mothers had less traditional gender-role attitudes, with girls seeing women as more competent in traditionally male roles and boys and girls believing it was OK for men to do housework. Professor Hoffman also found fathers became more involved in housework and childcare when their wives re-entered the workforce and this had a positive effect on children.

Of utmost importance in this web of competing priorities and limited time is the role of the father. First and foremost, men in today’s society are increasingly expected to have a greater role in the lives of their children. I think it’s absolutely right that men are becoming more and more involved in the care of the child and that they are taking responsibility for the housework too.

My experience shows that the most balanced children come from an environment where they have strong relationships with both parents (whether those parents are separated or not).

And the facts show that a working mother doesn’t necessarily spend less time with the children anyway. Analysis carried out by the Social Policy Research Centre at the University of NSW shows that, incredibly, even when childcare is used, working mums spend almost as much time with their children as mums who don’t work. “How do they do that?” you may well ask… Well, apparently what gets left out is “me time”.

The reality is that there is a very clear link between the wellbeing of parents and strong parent-child relationships. It doesn’t matter if the parents are separated, stay at home, or working. As long as the father or mother is happy and spends quality time with their child, then the child will benefit from seeing their parents juggle work and life.

So the key, no matter your personal situation, is good time management. Clearly identifying the boundaries between work and home and managing the priorities that both require. Here are some tips to help you:

• Get organised; make a plan & prioritise your responsibilities
• Write a do list & be realistic about what you can achieve day to day
• Decide what you can live with & what needs your attention
• Accept help & seek support in areas where you need it
• Make time out for you (eg sleep when baby sleeps or take a long bath when your partner comes home)
• Take a reality check
• Trust your instincts
• Don’t sweat the small stuff
• Take time to reflect and enjoy the little milestones

So whether you are a single parent, whether you are a stay-at-home or a career mum, combining work and family can be a significant challenge. But with the right planning a good balance can be achieved. Remember that you are not the first to go through it, many parents have paved the way for you so believe in yourself, set your goals and be proud of your parenting achievements.

apart from the time I accidently stepped on one of the school gerbils during playtime and my mate Tommy – thinking I had killed the creature and trying to save me from accusations of murder – decided to hide the body by flushing it down the toilet. It was a bad experience; the gerbil hadn’t actually died, but just been knocked out and the cold water obviously revived him just at the point where his life was precariously being flushed away. The poor thing started swimming for his life and recognising Tommy’s mistake I lunged for the toilet in a bid to save said gerbil from a watery demise. All would have been well if the story had ended there, but unfortunately our shenanigans had been heard by the Head Teacher who was passing by and now enters the toilets to see me, down on my knees, elbow in the bog, pulling a sodden and spluttering rodent from the u-bend. I can only assume he thought I had some perverse gerbil drowning fixation, because I got detention and I never had the courage (or wherewithal) to try and explain what had actually happened.

Anyway, where were we? Ah yes, “control”!

As we have seen from the above story, there are some things we will never be able to control. Parenting, however, ISN’T one of them. Of course I’m not saying that as parents we are always going to be in control. That would be nonsense and/or wishful thinking. What I am saying is that we can behave in certain ways that will ensure those times of “flow” (when life is like clockwork; everything is going well and your actions are working like a charm) far outweigh times of “wolf” (the reverse of flow).

Knowing what we can’t control

Let’s start with stating the obvious: we don’t have full control over our lives. That being the case, we have to acknowledge that on occasions things can happen to us and to our children which we would prevent if we could, but we can’t. There are things we can do to try to keep our families healthy, but we don’t have full control there. We and our children are vulnerable to hurt and unforeseen difficulties. To blame ourselves for lack of that control makes no sense. The influence we can have when we face these oppression-based or health-based hard times lies in our ability to organize with others to do what’s necessary.

Also, we don’t have absolute control over our children’s behaviour. It’s hard to admit, but it’s true. Sure, we do have deep influence on them. How we love, cherish, and treat our children affects them moment by moment, and for the rest of their lives. But our influence doesn’t mean that we can exert control over how they behave and feel. Nor does it necessarily follow that a child whose behaviour is difficult comes from a parent who is not trying hard enough, or is not doing the right things (though that can be the cause sometimes). And unless we bring our children up in a vacuum, they are always going to be subject to difficulties because of circumstances beyond our control; their health, accidents, unforeseen encounters with other people, frightening incidents… the list goes on.

On occasion (and I hope this is the exception to the rule), we sometimes don’t even have control over our own behaviour. Terrible isn’t it? It’s one of the great shocks of parenting to find ourselves yelling at or hurting our beloved children, when we never ever intended to do so. There are things they do that drive us nuts–whining, making messes, fighting with each other, using street language, “talking back” when we’re trying to gain control. We each have our personal thresholds, past which lose power over our own behaviour. That’s just life.

Understanding what control we should have

I think goals that we parents can reasonably set for ourselves are to a) enjoy our children, to b) recognise you and your children are on a journey together and therefore to c) keep learning throughout that journey. These are things that we can control and that will ensure we are on the right track. If we are learning, then we know how to be in charge of some things, and we are figuring all the rest of it out in a sometimes messy, haphazard way. As parents, some “I’m learning, not controlling” strategies can be immensely helpful.

For example, actively notice what’s fun, what’s good, and what is working well. Our minds get so fixed on the tasks at hand that we lose sight of who we like, what goes well, and the little things we learn. It may help to put a list on the refrigerator or the bathroom mirror, where a few words of what was good each day can be written down for all to see. Some families start dinner with a round of “what was good today?” so that the children get to join in, and have the chance to have the whole family listen to their experience.

Welcome your children’s feelings. Feelings are a big part of children’s lives, and expressing these feelings is how children recover from the hard things, big and small, that happen to them. Crying, tantrums, and laughter all are deeply healing for children. Expressing these emotions at length gets rid of children’s feelings that their lives aren’t good enough. When they’re finished, they regain their sense of loving and being loved. It helps if you can get close and listen to them through the stormy upsets, but if you can’t, see if it’s possible to keep from criticizing, shaming, hurting, or blaming them while they get the sad or the mad feelings out.

If you find that you are losing control more often than you would like, try and find a listener for your own feelings. Parents have feelings, too, which unfortunately we often tuck away as if they didn’t exist. Indeed, some people equate the “tucking away” of feelings to being “in control” of our lives! Rubbish! The problem is that feelings don’t tuck well forever. If our worries, frustrations, and anger doesn’t get released, at some point something will finally give, and that’s worse. Much better to find a supportive ear (your partner, your parents, your friends) and use them to talk to. A good laugh, a good cry, a good rant about how many expectations we’re trying to meet can do a lot to lighten our step and help us remember that we are only human and probably – in the bigger scheme of things – doing a pretty good job, no matter how many mistakes we make or how many answers we don’t have at the moment.

When there are things you can’t control, make a mental note and spend some time (whenever is convenient) trying to figure it out. Talk to others about it. There are many things that happen during my day that I don’t understand. Why won’t my child willingly brush her teeth? Why is she scared of the dark? Why does my tween sister suddenly think I’m the dorkiest person she’s ever known? Hey, I don’t have the answers to these questions right now, but when the time is right I’ll do some research into them. Being open about what we don’t know is an excellent learning strategy. It makes us active seekers of information and understanding. And I’ve found it’s totally fine to be open with children when we don’t know what to do. “I don’t know what to do about you refusing to keep your room clean. I’m thinking about it and we’ll talk about it tomorrow” is a fine approach to a problem with a child. And now that you’ve bought some time, you can ask some other people to see if they have any good ideas (or call your mum and ask what she did when you didn’t clean your room).

Never be afraid to ask for help. Building bridges, operating a supermarket, providing intensive care nursing, and raising children are just some of the kinds of work that are always done better when you have a team of people working towards a common purpose. Any experienced parent will tell you that every parent needs time away from their children, every parent needs others to care about their children, every parent needs people to think and talk with about the details of life with children. Every parent needs help!

Don’t forget to have fun

When it really comes down to it, you’re probably better off throwing expectations overboard. It’s great when you feel you are in control, but when you’re working too hard to appreciate yourself or anyone else, sometimes it’s better to let control take a back seat. Hey, it’s OK if the house is messy for a few weeks… you know what, your child (and partner) isn’t going to die if they miss a hot meal or two… and you can always make up with in-laws or friends you slighted because you missed a birthday or luncheon. You get to decide what’s really necessary and what’s not, and keeping up appearances while parenting is often a joy-killer. You have permission to let things get ragged, and still be proud of yourself, your family, and your decisions.

The most important thing is that you enjoy parenting (for the most part). Set up play that includes laughter. Children love to laugh, and when we are willing to play with them so they can laugh (without tickling them!), they become buoyant and hopeful. It’s infectious. We see them wriggling with enjoyment, coming toward us for fun and lots of contact, and we can’t help but be pleased. We have lots to learn from children about how a really good life has time for play, wrestling, chasing, where the grownups may “lose,” but everyone wins back their sense that it’s good to be alive. Without the effort to stay in control, it’s often easier to find the joy in things again and then the control will come. Remember, people, it’s all about balance.

Although the stereotypical image of pregnancy is of a serene, happy, glowing mum-to-be, in reality it is actually a very stressful time not least as it is a very major life changing event. Many women experience anxiety over the health of their developing baby, feel overwhelmed at how their body is changing without their control, are tired from working hard yet concerned about what will happen to their career after maternity leave, worried whether they’ll be able to juggle motherhood with work and even anxious about whether they will still be able to relate to their friends once they become a mother. All in all there are a lot of things going on and these feelings can lead to depression especially if friends, a partner or family are unsupportive.

Until recently it was thought that during pregnancy women were almost immune from depression both mentally (overwhelming joy at being an expectant mother was thought to cancel out the risk of developing depression) and physically (pregnancy hormones were thought to be protective against depression). However, contrary to these beliefs new research has found that women are potentially more susceptible to depression while they are pregnant than at any other time in their lives.

Unlike postnatal depression, which is widely publicised and for which there is a great deal of support, antenatal or prenatal depression is often brushed over as women are lead to believe that pregnancy should be happy time or that those “unseemly feelings” are just part of the normal pregnancy moodiness. In this article we look at what causes antenatal depression, what are the symptoms, what the effects are, what you can do about it, and where to go to get further support.

What Causes Antenatal Depression?

No one knows for definite why some women get it and others don’t. It goes without saying that most women do experience mood swings during their nine months, but some are more affected by these than others. Hormones certainly play their part, but others also contribute.

The root cause of antenatal depression is thought to be centred on a pregnancy related hormone imbalance however it’s this combined with any number of life stressors that are likely to be responsible for determining the development of depression in pregnancy.

Any major event has lasting effects on you and pregnancy is not different. It is a significant and life changing experience and that can bring its own set of stress and uncertainty with it. If other traumatic things happen during your pregnancy (death of a loved one, losing your job, moving house, etc) then you are more likely to suffer from antenatal depression.

Your history and that of your family can also be a cause. For example, if you have suffered abuse (whether that be physical, verbal, emotional, or sexual) then it is quite possible that pregnancy can prove a very upsetting time.

Similarly, your family history can be a tell-tale sign. If depression is something that has affected you or a close family member previously, then you may be more likely to suffer from it during pregnancy.

And finally, pregnancy complications can also trigger depressive feelings. Women who have experienced difficulties conceiving, or who have had a miscarriage in the past will often worry for the safety of the baby and this often takes an emotional toll.

Signs Of Depression

Most women will have mood swings during pregnancy, so by no means should you think you are depressed just because you shout or cry at your partner. That is perfectly normal! However, if you are constantly feeling down, angry, anxious, or that you just can’t cope then this may be more than a temporary mood swing.

As a general rule of thumb you should apply the same standards as when you are looking for signs of “normal depression”, because essentially the symptoms are exactly the same. They include:

• Anxiety
• Extreme irritability with others and yourself
• Obsessive compulsive tendencies – eg washing your hands over and over again.
• Persistent sadness
• Inability to enjoy anything anymore
• Extreme fatigue
• Feelings of isolation or loneliness
• Inability to concentrate
• Difficulty making decisions
• Severe feelings of guilt
• Inability to have fun
• Sleep problems – either too much or too little
• Overeating or lack of desire to eat
• Agoraphobia – scared to leave the house or be in social situations

It’s worth noting that many of these symptoms will surface at some point during pregnancy and in isolation are not necessarily an indicator of depression.

Does Antenatal Depression Mean Postnatal Depression?

Opinions are divided on this point. Let me start by saying that if you experience antenatal depression it doesn’t necessarily follow that you will develop post natal depression. Research shows that many women recover completely as soon as their baby arrives. Similarly, if you experience depression during one pregnancy, it doesn’t necessarily follow that you will suffer from it in your next. However, when all is said and done, it appears that around 50% of women who experience depression in pregnancy go on the have postnatal depression.

So, the advice is to seek help if you suffer from antenatal depression because if you do go on to experience postnatal depression then the support and help structures should already be in place once the baby is born (and, remember, postnatal depression is quite common, so you’ve nothing to be worried about it).

Treating The Blues

Treatment ranges from simple measures such as increasing your level of self-care to medications in the case of severe depression, so in the case of continued depression you should seek professional advice. There are also a number of actions you can take to help you stay on top of things and here are some tips to assist you in feeling well again:

• Eating small regular meals can stabilise blood sugar levels and increase your energy
• Avoid foods that contain aspartame, like diet foods and diet soft drinks
• Avoid high-fat foods and caffeine
• Try acupuncture and acupressure
• Increase your relaxation activities such as yoga, baths and time for yourself
• Try to fit in plenty of pregnancy friendly exercise such as walking and swimming
• Get as much rest as possible
• Look for support people, such as family and friends, and ask them for help
• Attend face to face, or group support sessions with support people, psychologists or psychiatrists
• Learn anxiety-modifying and relaxation techniques such as meditation
• Talk to your Doctor or Midwife

Admitting you are feeling depressed is not a sign of weakness but a sign you are a good mother, putting yours and your baby’s health first. At the end of the day, you are not alone and the doctors have seen it all before and will be able to help you.

Where To Get Help & Support

If you think that you may be experiencing antenatal depression it’s important that you seek help from your healthcare provider, your doctor, and/or your midwife. It is equally important that you speak to someone as soon as possible. Unfortunately, depression does have a stigma attached to it which is why people are reluctant to talk to others about their experience. Yet depression is an illness that has symptoms and treatments like many others and talking will help you to work through any anxieties you have and help your loved ones better understand what you’re going through.

Professional Support Providers

The Black Dog Institute is an educational, research and clinical group with expertise in depression. It is attached to the Prince of Wales Hospital and affiliated with the University of New South Wales in Sydney.

Beyondblue is a national, independent, not-for-profit organisation that specialises in depression and anxiety.

PANDSI is the Post and Antenatal Depression Support and Information Incorporated.

Black Dog and Beyond blue both have depression self-test resources available on their websites. The Black Dog’s test is specific to antenatal depression. The Black Dog Institute also lists antenatal depression contacts around the country.

These days there are plenty of laws to make things easier for you when you’re pregnant at work, but whilst laws protects you on paper, the reality of your employment situation and the physical demands of daily work can take their toll. Here are a few simple ways you can make your working day easier and some of the issues that you may need to consider concerning your work.

1 Know Your Work Rights

Telling your boss, requesting flexible hours, maternity leave and pay can all seem a little daunting, but rest assured you have a number of rights when it comes to being pregnant and working. First and foremost, you’ll need to tell your employer. The sooner you tell your boss that you’re pregnant, the better, as it will give them more time to plan ahead. However, if you do want to keep it quiet for a while, you must tell your employer at least 15 weeks before the beginning of the week your baby’s due.

When you do tell your boss, organise a proper meeting and go fully prepared with baby’s due date and when you want to start your maternity leave. You can always change those dates as long as you give 28 days’ notice. Also be prepared for questions your employer might ask. Can you help find a replacement? Will you be able to finish that project? Make it clear that you’ll be flexible when taking time off for antenatal checkups, and that you will stay in touch during your leave.

Every pregnant woman is entitled to take a certain number of weeks of Ordinary Maternity Leave (OML), plus an extra quota of Additional Maternity Leave (AML). Check your local maternity leave entitlements so you know where you stand. You can start your maternity leave any time from 11 weeks before the beginning of the week when your baby’s due. Or you can keep working right up until when you give birth!

2 Is You Work Suitable For Pregnancy?

If your work involves being in a safe environment where you’re not exposed to anything hazardous, and your pregnancy is normal and straightforward, then there’s no reason why you can’t continue to work.

However, if the nature of your work is dangerous and poses risks all the time, for example if you work with chemicals, dangerous materials or work extremely long shifts, you may need to consider whether or not it’s the right place for you to be whilst pregnant.

3 Dealing With Pregnancy-Related Symptoms

In the first 12 weeks of pregnancy, morning sickness can hit the hardest. Although this feeling of nausea (whether accompanied by vomiting or not) is usually completely gone by 16 weeks, it’s in those first weeks of pregnancy that you’re usually trying to be discreet about your pregnancy with your colleagues and employers! Small snacks can help, but try small amounts of different things before you find what suits you.

As you progress through the trimesters you may also suffer other symptoms, such as feeling tired, getting backache, finding it hard work being on your feet for too long and even absent-mindedness.

4 Traveling To & From Work

It’s not always easy to change your route to work, but if you’re always stuck on a busy train with no seat, think about adjusting your own timetable and/or route to work to grab yourself more breathing space on that unavoidable commute. Remember that once your employer knows your condition, you can ask for a reasonable adjustment to your timings if it’s feasible within your job. You may find shifting your hours a little earlier or later will help.

5 Make Your Workspace Comfortable

Workspace comfort has recently become more of priority for many employers and companies now use ergonomic seats and teach correct posture at your desk and compute. That said, it still doesn’t stop me slouching or sitting badly! Now that you are pregnant, hormones are affecting the way your ligaments and muscles support your changing shape so it is especially vital that you make sure you have good posture and that you have good support for your feet.

Make sure you can stretch and get up to move around regularly, and that you have a footrest (whether this is a proper rest or books or a box chosen to suit your level) that will keep your legs comfortable. If you don’t you’ll find that you are more likely to get sciatica, back pain or swollen ankles. Sitting for long periods at your desk is also a “no-no”. Get up, stretch yourself out, and make a virtue of toilet breaks!

6 Keep Fueled Up

Pregnancy is not a time to diet! I start feeling faint when I don’t eat between breakfast and lunch so making sure you eat the full meals during the day and keeping a supply of handy little snacks by your desk is a good idea. If you’re going into a long meeting, think about how you can take something discreet to eat with you (or take a break to go and have a quick snack).

7 Water Supply

Make sure you have a bottle of water at your desk and it’s even a good idea to carry a bottle of water with you on the journey to and from work. This doesn’t have to be mineral water but keeping a filled up bottle with you is handier than occasionally remembering to get a cup of water.

8 Handling Fatigue

You may feel tired as your body works overtime to support your pregnancy — and resting during the workday can be tough. It may help to eat foods rich in iron and protein. Fatigue can be a symptom of iron deficiency anemia, but adjusting your diet can help. Choose foods such as red meat, poultry, seafood, leafy green vegetables, whole-grain cereal and pasta, beans, nuts, and seeds. Also take short, frequent breaks. Getting up and moving around for a few minutes can reinvigorate you. Spending a few minutes with the lights off, your eyes closed and your feet up also can help you recharge.

Think about scaling back some activities when your workday ends (if you can). Consider doing your shopping online and making sure your partner helps out at home. Although this may sound counter-intuitive, physical activity does actually help boost your energy level — especially if you sit at a desk all day. Take a walk after work or join a prenatal fitness class.

And finally, go to bed early. Aim for seven to nine hours of sleep every night. Apparently, resting on your left side will improve blood flow to your baby and help prevent swelling. Placing pillows between your legs and under your belly may also increase your comfort.

9 Keeping stress under control

Stress on the job can inspire you to push hard, but it can also sap the energy you need to care for yourself and your baby. To minimize workplace stress make sure you take control. Make daily to-do lists and prioritize your tasks. Consider what you can delegate to someone else — or eliminate overly stressful projects. Share frustrations and challenges with a supportive co-worker, friend or loved one and practice relaxation techniques, such as breathing slowly or imagining yourself in a calm place.

10. Feel confident about your time off work

There’s no need to feel concerned about taking time off work. Keep your employer informed of dates and times when you’ll need to attend check-ups and scans, and think about how much time you’ll need or want off for maternity leave.

Finally

Many women find themselves juggling pregnancy and work at some point in their life. For some, especially those who do not suffer from pregnancy sickness and whose jobs are important to them, work is a welcome way to wait out the nine months. Other women may need a month or more to prepare their nest and focus on the life they have growing inside them. At the end of the day, there is no right or wrong way to go about working when pregnant. Whatever your pregnancy situation and your job, think through what is best for your situation and enjoy the experience (as much as you can).

This is an interesting one. My partner (who, incidentally, had a caesarean) remembers the first 24 hours as being amongst the worst. After receiving bucket loads of attention for the 9 months of her pregnancy – and then even more throughout a 70 hour labour! – it came as a huge shock when her daughter was pulled out, whisked off and poor mum was left all alone for the next several hours wondering “what next”.

So, realistically, what should you expect for you and your baby just after the birth? You’ve attended the pre-natal yoga classes and antenatal classes, had your massages, learnt breathing techniques in preparation for the birth of your child, but what happens after that? To help you understand what happens in this critical point of time, we have gathered thoughts from some of the leading obstetricians to hear what they think mum (and baby) should be prepared for.

What happens immediately after the baby is born?

Upon delivery, attendant staff will wrap the newborn in warm towels after the umbilical cord is cut. They then assess the newborn for breathing and colour, and clear the baby’s airway and provide stimulation or assistance for breathing if needed. Once babies are determined to be warm, pink and breathing comfortably, they are usually presented to their mothers for cuddling and even initiation of breast-feeding. The mother will quickly monitored for any excessive bleeding and her blood pressure should be taken.

What happens when the pain relief wears off?

Many mothers will be administered some form of pain relief when going through labour and subsequently, they should be prepared for the time when that wears off and they start feeling the pain (yes, sorry, you can’t get away from the pain). After a caesarean section delivery, mothers will feel pain at the area of the wound immediately after surgery. Those under epidural anaesthesia will feel the pain gradually increase, but this pain can be anticipated and adequate pain killers can be given. The location of the pain is also different; one is in front of the tummy and the other, on the bum. If you have had a C-section delivery, your movements are rather restricted. With a normal delivery, sitting can pose a challenge.

When should you start breastfeeding?

You may or may not be aware that breast milk production in new mums can actually take over two days before it is available to the child. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t breast feed immediately, you just need to be aware that some babies may need supplemental milk in the first 24 to 48 hours. Generally speaking, most babies born at full term do quite well without any supplemental milk while waiting for mother’s milk to be produced. Whatever the case, doctors believe it is good to let babies breast feed soon after delivery to a) stimulate production of the milk, as well as to b) allow early bonding.

What health checks will be done in the first 24 hours?

When your baby is born the paediatrician will perform the first examination him/her in hospital. This will involve a head-to-toe physical assessment of your baby’s health. A hearing screen will typically be included as will an injection of vitamin K, to prevent deficiency and easy bruising. Vaccinations against Hepatitis B and Tuberculosis are given before your baby goes home. Another test you can expect is the newborn metabolic screen, which uses a few drops of baby’s blood to screen for a panel of severe, genetic metabolic diseases. That’s why you may see the paediatrician taking some early blood samples.

What should mum eat and drink after the birth?

Don’t worry, I not going to say the placenta! We’ll leave that stuff to folk lore and cult behaviour, thank you very much! For mothers who have had a natural birth, try light but wholesome foods. You will need to replenish your natural energy supplies so lots fruit and vegetables with plenty of fluids and vitamins. For mums who have gone under general anaesthesia, they are always advised to go slow on the food and take fluids for the first 12 hours (for fear of vomiting). Those that have had a caesarean under epidural do much better in this aspect and they are able to eat around 12 hours after surgery. But they still should not eat too much too quickly as the intestines will complain and cause the tummy to become bloated.

When does post-natal depression take hold?

The first thing that may upset the mother is their lack of milk supply. As we’ve already pointed out above, it can take a few days for the milk to arrive so straight away this can make mum feel depressed and unable to properly care for their child. Often, relatives make it worse by contributing more ridiculous solutions to confuse the new mothers rather than recognising that this is quite natural and will rectify itself in due course.

My baby looks discoloured! Why?

Jaundice is a common occurrence in newborn babies, especially those of Asian descent. It manifests as a yellow tinge in the skin or whites of the eyes, and typically reaches its peak on the third to fifth day. It is generally monitored and is not harmful to babies unless very high levels are reached. Treatment usually leads to improvement within 24 to 48 hours. If the baby is red, with bruising discolouration, that’s perfectly normal… you’d look battered if you’d just gone through the same exercise! In any case, the paediatrician will be closely monitoring baby’s health so unless he sees anything abnormal, don’t worry.

How do I handle visitors?

OK, you know there will be plenty of visitors. For you and baby, it is best to try and limit these to smaller parties and for short periods. Here’s a good tip that my mum shared with me; if there are chores that need doing, get your visitors doing them; it will help you and will also make them feel important and needed. It’s a good way to keep everyone engaged and happy. It probably goes without saying, but adults and children with colds and illnesses should not be visiting.