Personally I’m torn. It’s not that I want my children to turn into mini Margaret Thatchers, but neither do I want them to end up in a world of debt and financial strife because they are unable or unequipped to understand how to manage money from a young age.

In our household, we introduced the concept of earning money with the use of a Chore Sheet (not quite a balance sheet!) and as long as our child completes all the chores within a week timeframe, they get paid “pocket money” at the end of the week.

We felt this was a sensible way of familiarizing her with the idea of working for your money and also ensuring that she understands that chores (by their very nature) can often be stuff you don’t necessarily want to do, but in doing so you get a reward. In addition, we’ve tried to make the “pocket money” value, big enough that she can buy herself a small treat or two each week, but small enough to mean she has to save if she sets her sights on bigger goals. (By bigger goals, I mean something akin to a Nintendo DS, not an Aston Martin DBS).

This all sounds innocent enough, until our daughter asked the inevitable question about loans and advancements! How do you explain to a 7 year old the concept of interest and the relative value of self-amortising loans? And then there was case of “administration charges”! In the end I agreed to advance her 1 month’s worth of pocket money, but she had to do an extra week of chores for the privilege (and if she reneged on any week of chores during the advancement period, she would need to double it before she was back into pocket money territory). It felt like a good lesson and a fair deal!

We have also opened an account for our daughter and we are now thinking about having a (very) small part of our wages deposited into a linked savings account. But even children’s accounts these days are full of questions and caveats:

• Bank Manager – “does she anticipate maintaining a balance of over $100,000 for the life of the account”?
• Me – “are you kidding… she’s SEVEN!”
• Bank Manager – “Does she prefer higher levels of interest over account flexibility?”
• Me – “Come again… she’s SEVEN!”
• Bank Manager – “Does she prefer transacting by internet or in person?”
• Me –“She’s…” well, you get the idea.

I do wonder are we doing the right thing? Is it wrong to try and burden kids with the concept of financial responsibility, or is it wrong not to provide a good financial base for your kids? All in all, though, I think the introduction of financial concepts (basic at this stage, but I’m sure it’ll get more complex as she gets older and asks more questions) has been a success for us. For the first time since I can remember, our daughter is now asking if she can “double-up” her chores?! She’s certainly understood that effort = reward. I’m wondering when I have to have that fateful conversation about household productivity and having to let someone go!

Sibling rivalry is a real, powerful emotion that cannot be wished away. It’s a part of growing up with brothers and sisters. Put yourself in the child’s shoes. For the sake of a comparison, imagine that your partner comes home one day with another lover. Your partner explains that (s)he still loves you, but this new person is going to live with you all now as well. And to make things worse, the new person is needier than you are so they are going to take up a lot of your partner’s time, sorry!

Birth Order

Apparently, when my younger brother was born, I would try to talk passers-by into taking him with them. I’m told that I berated the midwife for leaving her baby with my family! I was the eldest (of what became a very large family) and rivalry is often more intense in the firstborn, because he or she has been used to the spotlight without competition. A later child comes into the world already learning to share their parent’s time and attention. This doesn’t mean that subsequent children don’t have feelings of jealousy towards other siblings, because they can and do. It really depends on how the parents handle the situation.

Age Matters

No matter what the age of the child, jealousy and competition (the two major causes of sibling rivalry) will inevitably be emotions that they have to contend with. The fact of the matter is that, no matter how hard parents try to be fair to their children, every child will feel, at one point or another, feelings of jealousy toward their sibling or siblings. Generally speaking, though, experts believe jealousy of a newborn is strongest in children under five years. That’s because up until the age of 5, a kid is much more dependent on his parents and has fewer interests outside the family circle. Once the child hits 6, they have begun to build a position for themselves among circles outside of the family (such as with friends and at school). Therefore, being pushed out of the limelight at this stage doesn’t “hurt” so much.

Why Does Sibling Rivalry Exist?

It really comes down to the child(ren) seeking the attention of the parents. With me and my siblings, if mum gave more attention (what we, as kids, thought was “love”) to one of the other brothers or sisters then this would cause severe feelings of jealousy and we would inevitably end up competing for that attention (“love”). What my mum was especially good at was making sure that we all felt loved and attended to in equal measures, but I’ve seen many households where the same sort of equality didn’t exist between kids and that turned into a recipe for disaster.

Solving the Sibling Rivalry Conundrum

Though jealousy can’t be completely prevented, what my mum did so well was to instill a sense of fairness and parity amongst the siblings. We were taught to convert those negative feelings into ones of cooperativeness and altruism. In doing so, mum also taught us a valuable lesson about fearing rivals later in life (ie, instead of fearing, try to understand).

At the end of the day, siblings will feel competition and jealousy. That’s only normal. What is more important is how the child learns to resolve those feelings. For our family, the answer lay in communicating to each other. First of all, we had to explain what we wanted from each other. Then we were taught to listen and put ourselves into the other’s shoes. Looking at things from another perspective and learning to work cooperatively towards a solution were valuable lessons that we all learnt early in our lives.

And last, but not least, from as early as I can remember, we had to kiss and cuddle each other regularly; upon waking, upon coming home from school, before going to bed… and especially after fighting! It may have seemed strange at first (I really don’t remember) but it quickly became second nature and we all ended up very close and full of love for each other. (Though it did cause some murmurs of disapproval when our school peers witnessed our fights ending up with us hugging and “pashing” each other!)

The Positive Side Of Sibling Rivalry

Coming from the context of my family, there were good things that came out of our sibling rivalry. My parents managed to help the kids transform resentful feelings into cooperation and understanding. We learnt to put aside fear of the unknown and we learnt how to deal with stress. Learning to cope with the challenges of sibling rivalry taught us valuable life lessons such as sharing and conflict resolution… and we are quite comfortable expressing our feelings and emotions with one another.

So the lesson is: with patience and understanding, parents can help children that are struggling with sibling rivalry and jealousy. Figuring out a solution can be challenging, but with good communication, a willingness to listen, and an abundance of love and support in the family home, most rivalries can be transformed into enduring, worthwhile sibling bonds. They don’t say “blood is thicker than water” for nothing!

I think that part of the challenge is coming to terms with our needs. Parents are all too ready to give up themselves for their children. That’s perfectly natural. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do (including taking the proverbial bullet for my kids). So self-sacrifice seems to be built in to a parents psyche. In general, this is an important part of becoming a parent; the understanding that your children become your priority. There is, however, something fundamental that many of us are missing. That is; to ensure our kids are consistently taken care of, we need to take care of ourselves first.

Parents Who Take Care Of Themselves Have Healthier Kids

I know from personal experience that when I give too much of myself I actually end up being less effective in my parenting duties. So, whilst time spent on myself sometimes feels selfish, ironically it helps me be a better parent. Put it this way; being constantly stressed out is not healthy. Stress leads to sickness and a sick parent has a much harder time than those who are well and healthy.

Top 8 Signs That You Are Not Taking Care Of Yourself

1. You find yourself borrowing your partner’s cologne/perfume because you’ve run out of yours (I actually did this the other week and ended up going to work smelling like flowers on a summer’s day!)

2. You haven’t set foot in the gym or done any exercise for longer than you’d care to remember.

3. You haven’t hired a baby sitter for over a year!

5. Your doctor/dentist doesn’t recognize your name and doesn’t have any information on their files about you (they updated their system in the 90s and you probably slipped through the gaps).

6. Your idea of a treat is eating raw cookie dough (which you stash at the back of the fridge… we do this in our household – cookie dough, yum!)

7. You use gift money/vouchers from your last birthday to buy your kids that much needed pair of shoes.

8. Once a worldwide traveler, you are seriously considering cashing in your air miles for a family vacation to Disneyworld.

OK, I confess, I’m writing about myself here. But I’m sure I’m not alone!

To Give Children The Best, Parents Should Be Their Best

It’s well documented that if you exercise, if you are healthy, if you have a well balanced work/life schedule that you will be happier in the home. And happy parents make for happy kids. I’m not saying one size fits all, of course not, so each parent should think first about what makes them happy and what they need to incorporate into their lives to make sure they are caring for themselves appropriately. For one it could mean cutting back on work hours, for another it could mean taking up guitar lessons, and for another it may be to go out for a run or swim a couple of times a week.

Just remember that if parents are feeling content, positive and loving, then it will be an upbeat mood that affects everyone in the home. A manager of a company sets the tone for how the organization will work, and his or her actions or inactions filter down and affect everyone. The same goes for parents in a family.

If your child is anything like ours, then you probably know what I’m talking about when I say that kids seem to have boundless resources of energy… and channeling that into fun activities is just as important for your sanity as it is theirs! Well, never fear, as I’m going to share with you the things we have done or thought of doing to keep the “I’m bored” shouts from entering your household.

Here are some of the free (or nearly free) things that we had fun with:

Have a picnic at the park. This is so easy to do and the options are endless. Find somewhere picturesque (near a lake or a river is always nice), take along some outdoor toys (a football and a Frisbee are our favourites), and some food… and you’ve everything you need for a great day out.

Go to the beach. An obvious one, I guess, but a winner every time for us! Seriously, though, pack a bucket, spade, sandwiches and your swimmers and you can’t help but have fun. A ball, a kite, and a Frisbee are going for company too.

Explore local museums and art galleries. Quite often, these cost nothing to enter and there’s always something of its kind close by. You can be extra inventive and design “fact finding missions” for your kids once you are there.

Go to local fairs or car-boot sales. Do a bit of research on the internet and find out what’s going on near you and spend the morning exploring one. You can make it into a full bargain hunt by giving your child $5-$10 and seeing what they come back with! Most car boots open early in the morning, and they’re a good way for children to spend a couple of hours.

Visit the national parks. Another easy one to do that takes minimal planning and can easily fill a day (or two).

Here are some “stay-at-home” fun activities for the family:

Build a cubby. Our kid adores making a cubby house during the day (and then usually wants to sleep in it at night). It’s like camping, but indoors. You can every doing a sing song (don’t light a fire in the house though!) and toast marshmallows over your cooker.

Plant something together.  Even if you have no garden, you can have so much fun collecting recyclable pots, decorating them, filling them with potting mix and planting seeds.  My advice is to do this at the beginning of the holidays and choose something fast growing so that the kids can water them and watch them grow over the holidays.

Kids Bedroom Make-over. Every kids room needs a sort out once in a while and a new ‘look’. School holidays are the perfect opportunity. Search the op shops and internet for cheap ways to update their room.  www.designdazzle.com is a great starting point for gorgeous ideas and links to other sites but even just moving things around is great fun to do with kids.

Have a house party. Invite some of the friends over and get them to bring one plate/dish of food (unless you don’t mind doing all the catering!). If you are sat at home, at a lose end, wondering what to do… the chances are some of your friends are doing exactly the same! So give them a call and you can all sit around wondering what to do together (whilst the kids trash the house in the background) J

Put on a fashion show. Our little one loves dressing up. And dressing up in mum’s clothes is a dream come true for her! So get them to put on a fashion show for you (and join in if you are game). Remember to take a healthy dose of humour with you.

Build paper mache pieces. Honestly, this is one of the most versatile crafts around! It’s so easy (and cheap to make the paste) and you can create almost anything. The best part is you probably have everything you need to create your paper mache masterpieces laying around your home right now. The kids will love this one. www.papiermache.co.uk

Cook and bake at home. The holiday season may also be the perfect time for you to unleash your inner chef. Plan some recipes that you have always wanted to try and cap it off by daring yourself to bake even just a simple yet yummy chocolate cake.

So there you go, plenty of easy things to plan and do, which aren’t going to cost much (if anything) and that are bound to be fun for everyone. The trick is to keep an open mind and be creative.

A lot of these things can be thought of and done on the day, but sometimes a bit of preparation can always help. For example, I like to get the family involved in the decision making, but it helps if I come to the table with a list of 4 or 5 ideas that everyone can then “buy into”.

I hope you too can find as much fun engaging in these activities as we do.

Happy parenting!

Fostering, on the other hand, is a way of providing family life for someone else’s child in your own home, when they are unable to live in their birth family for a variety of reasons. Many of the children in care have experienced losses and disruptions in their lives to a greater or lesser extent. Some children may have been traumatised, neglected or abused.

Unlike adoption, fostering is typically for a set period of time and involves shared caring… and the child remains the legal responsibility of the local authority and/or their birth parents. Most children in foster care return to their birth families at some point. Where this is not possible, the local authority will look at alternatives, such as other relatives, or adoption.

Who Can Be An Adoptive Or Foster Parent?

People who can provide a safe, nurturing home, meeting the emotional and physical needs of children can adopt or foster. Myths are that people must be young, a heterosexual couple, and economically well off. That’s no longer the case. Sure, you can be a young wealthy heterosexual couple, but single parents, over-50 parents and gay and lesbian families are also adopting and fostering. Our society is diverse, and so are the adoption and foster agencies that families determine to work with.

Advice For Foster and Adoptive Parents

Being a foster or an adoptive parent is the same as being a parent, but the circumtances which led you to that point differ. The important point, though, is that you are still the parent so the principles that govern good parenting apply to you too. Specific advice for adoptive and foster parents includes talking with your child about how they came into your care. There are, of course, other unique situations that occur within adoptive and foster families. These are the common aread to be aware of:

At Home. The first few days home with your new foster or adopted child are understandably the most hectic. So, try to be prepared ahead of time. While you can’t guess what all of your child’s and family’s needs will be over time, let’s work together to learn what has been done in other homes – successfully or unsuccessfully. I’ve discovered that I can learn from another parent’s failures as well as their successes.

At School. As foster and adoptive parents you should be able to attend parent teacher meetings and conferences. So make sure you are involved with the child’s education and schooling activities. Volunteering within the school can be an excellent way to provide support. Perhaps you could spend some time with the child working on a cover story. A cover story is something that the kids can tell others about why they are now in your home. This may also be needed for kids who are newly adopted. Children adopted internationally may be teased for an ethnic name, different appearance, or an accent. Foster children adopted over a summer may have to deal with a new last name and answering questions about why they could not go back home to birth parents.

In the Community. Parenting at home is one thing, out in the real world is another. How do you handle rude comments or innocent questions regarding your family? How do you handle your child, or yourself? Be prepared to answer difficult questions about the new child has come into your life.

Talking With Your Adopted or Foster Child. One of the toughest questions comes from children who have had to wait until their later years before their adoption (and in some cases fostering) have been disclosed to them. How do you avoid these problems? By talking about it early.

Years ago, the topic of adoption was taboo, even in households that embraced adopted children. Many adopted children grew up believing they were born to their adoptive parents. Fortunately, as the definition of “family” has broadened, the stigma surrounding fostering and adoption has lifted. That being the case, it is now much easier for families in this situation to be open and honest about the circumstances and to embrace adoption and fostering as something to be celebrated.

For more information on adopting or fostering you can go to:

www.fostertalk.org/

www.afteradoption.org.uk/

www.bemyparent.org.uk/

www.adopting.org/adoptions/adoption-resources-in-oceania-australia-and-new-zealand.html

I’ve been asked by a number of people to put something together that is relevant for families splitting up. This is a really difficult topic to write about, mainly because it’s find to hard the positives and I prefer to write about things that leave you feeling uplifted. That said, I recognize that this is an important topic and something the affects many families… so I’ll do my best!

I think it’s important to start with stating the obvious: children thrive on the connection they have with their parents. There is no doubt that a kid’s need for their parents is strong and constant throughout childhood and it is in a secure environment of love and security that children learn. With these foundations in place, their young minds are able to experiment and play. They are able to enjoy themselves without reservation, and this is underpinned by the trust and safety they feel in those that are closest to them (their parents).

So they question is, how easy is it to break that sense of connection and safety? To be honest, I think it’s actually quite difficult AS LONG AS you do the basics right. Making sure that you show unconditional love and support for your kids is one. Being there for them when they need you is another (you have to be present in their lives).

At a young age you can see that a child’s sense of connection and safety is a fragile thing, and at some point, because of this fragility, every child will experience some sadness about separation. Even things like going to bed, or turning away to do the dishes can cause that feeling. That is fine and only natural. Over time, a child becomes more independent and won’t need as much of their parent’s attention and then these insignificant moments of separation mean nothing. Why? Because the child has become confident in the love and security of the parents.

This holds true about a family break-up. If the parents have been consistent in the love and support they have shown to their children, then – although a divorce or split is always a difficult – the separation will have a minimal affect on the children involved.

How to minimize the effect of divorce and separation

Many families face the challenge of divorce or separation; it’s a part of today’s reality. Whatever the causes of the separation, and whatever the circumstances, it’s hard on everyone involved. Parents want the best for their children and they want their children to thrive, but sometimes – in order for that to happen – big changes must be made.

Your role as the parent is to help your child heal from the feelings he or she has about the separation. As you take these steps, he or she will develop confidence and learn to assimilate and process those feelings and in doing so will gain extra abilities to explore the world and take advantage of friendships that they will encounter throughout their lives.

Children need to be able to discuss their fears about separation and should feel able to cry about the sadness they feel. It is quite understandable that they should feel this way and while they cry, they need the love and care of someone who offers them warmth and safety. Children whose feelings are listened to become more confident, feel closer to their parents, and feel closer to the people who listened while they cried.

Understanding the source of the child’s hurt

There are three basic sources of hurt for children when their parents separate:

1. One is the loss of the family configuration that has anchored them.
2. The second is that children will feel and manifest the emotions that the parents are going through (which are often raw and unhappy).
3. The third is that the end of a living arrangement a child trusts and feels safe in forces the loss of innocence and they can subsequently feel that the world they felt secure and welcome in is coming to an end.

Understanding these sources will help you manage the way you act through the separation and ensure you keep your child’s best interests at heart.

How to ease the hurt

As parents who have decided to separate, it’s important that you listen to your child’s feelings about the custody arrangements, and take those feelings into consideration. However, to leave children in charge of custody arrangements is too much like forcing them to choose sides. It is your priority to the make the decisions about how and when custody is shared.

If your child is longing for the other parent while he or she is with you, listen to their feelings and show understanding and provide comfort. This will strengthen your child’s relationship with you, and will help him/her overcome the stored feelings about separation that have been triggered by the current situation.

At transition times, make time for children’s feelings to be heard. It’s healthy for children to have upsets when going from one parent to another. These are the times when the reminder that things aren’t the same is strongest. Far better to have a child who can powerfully cry that he doesn’t want to leave, or doesn’t want to stay with the parent he’s going to, than to have a child who swallows his feelings and winds up either subdued and separate or aggressive because he or she has too many feelings to manage.

Often, children can fully feel their love for a parent directly after a huge cry about how they don’t want to be with him or her! Don’t worry; those experiences will help build a bond between you. Although it’s not pleasant to hear that your beloved child doesn’t want you, if those are the feelings stuck inside, then your fastest way to a closer relationship is to assist your child to cry or rage until s/he’s done. Stay calm, listen, and reassure them that no matter what they say, you will always love them and always be there for them.

 
Always make sure that your child knows that BOTH parents love him/her. Unfortunately, some family splits mean that a child can lose all contact with a parent. If this can be avoided then it should. It’s hard to explain human frailty to children, because it breaks our hearts to see them hurt by it. But we need to let them know that it’s not their fault that their parents aren’t able to be together. By keeping the contact with both Mother and Father, the affects of the break-up are minimised.

To ensure you are helping the child with the separation you must add more warmth and connection around the time when “good-bye” must be said. That includes warmth, eye contact, and laughter, which will all help strengthen the child’s sense of connection. If there is a tearful good-bye, offer your warmth and support as the child cries, trembles, and struggles. This process of showing feelings fully with someone who will listen is natural, healthy, and deeply beneficial to the child. The longer the parent stays, the safer it will be for the child to show the feelings of desperation he or she has.

These are the steps to follow when saying goodbye:

• Stay close, but not too close. You want the child to feel your support, but also to feel the separation he is afraid of.
• Offer him eye contact and affection. If he or she burrows into you and stops crying, move them gently so that they can see you.
• Listen to their tears and fears until they have finished, if you can. This is the fastest way for children to regain their confidence that all is well. For children who have big anxieties, crying with a safe person for thirty to sixty minutes at first is common. Repeated cries over several days or weeks may be necessary to relieve all of the child’s fears.
• Show confidence. Tell him/her that the other parent will take good care of them and that you’ll be back soon.
• If possible, allow repeated good-byes. Let the two parents linger, saying, “it’s time for me/us to go now.” This allows the child to keep showing you how sad or desperate he or she feels in the safest context possible — with the parent nearby.

Helping the child come to terms with separation and divorce

There are a few commitments that separating parents can make that will shield their children from some of this hurt. These are commonsense commitments, but in a heated situation, they take work to remember. A parent needs to consciously add support and resource to his or her life to keep steering him or herself in a direction that benefits the children. Keep these mantras for yourself at front of mind:

When children are present, I will speak and act respectfully toward my child’s other parent, his or her family, and friends. Children are not at all equipped to listen to parents’ negative feelings about each other. No matter what the other parent has or has not done, children are far better off when parents act respectfully toward one another in their presence.

When children are present, I will not display my upsets about their other parent. We humans have a million ways to convey what we’re feeling. When we’re upset, we roll our eyes, heave loud sighs, grunt, stomp, slam, throw up our hands, clench our fists: the litany of expressions of upset is long. None of this is verbal, but all of it is hard on children. They are built to see the expression of love, confidence and relaxed cooperation. Separating parents don’t need to put up a false front, but they do need to model simple decency toward one another.

When children are present, I will not conduct extended arguments with my child’s other parent. Parents can’t help but have differences of opinion and arguments. And some arguments, conducted with ground rules that ban attacks on character and categorical statements, can actually help to rebuild a sense of caring. But in a family that is thoughtful of its children, the meaty part of a fight will be conducted out of earshot of the children.

I will not recruit my child to agree with my grievances about their other parent. A separation is painful enough for children, without the additional pressure to side with one parent or another. Children love both their parents, and want the best for both their parents. It is heartbreaking to a child to have to choose between them. Don’t make your child do that, it will only backfire!

To the best of my ability, I will not assume the role of a victim. Each parent in a separation feels like a victim, and some are quick to cast blame for the breakup on the other party. It is better to forget about blaming someone and moving on as quickly and as positively as possible. Thinking of ourselves as victims tends to keep us from pulling up our socks and building good into our lives in every way that we can.

Working hard at keeping these commitments gives children maximum exposure to their parents’ good will and caring, and minimum exposure to adults in emotional upheaval, and therefore unable to put the children’s interests first.

At the end of the day, it is important that you (as the parents) are happy in your life and if separation or divorce is something that you need to go through, just make sure that you move on with a positive outlook. At least that way, you can show your child the care and love they deserve in the right way. They will love you more for it in the long term, trust me. Sure, it can be hard, but if you stay true to these guidelines I’m sure that you will grow closer to your child and together you can get on with enjoying the rest of the future together.

This is an interesting one. My partner (who, incidentally, had a caesarean) remembers the first 24 hours as being amongst the worst. After receiving bucket loads of attention for the 9 months of her pregnancy – and then even more throughout a 70 hour labour! – it came as a huge shock when her daughter was pulled out, whisked off and poor mum was left all alone for the next several hours wondering “what next”.

So, realistically, what should you expect for you and your baby just after the birth? You’ve attended the pre-natal yoga classes and antenatal classes, had your massages, learnt breathing techniques in preparation for the birth of your child, but what happens after that? To help you understand what happens in this critical point of time, we have gathered thoughts from some of the leading obstetricians to hear what they think mum (and baby) should be prepared for.

What happens immediately after the baby is born?

Upon delivery, attendant staff will wrap the newborn in warm towels after the umbilical cord is cut. They then assess the newborn for breathing and colour, and clear the baby’s airway and provide stimulation or assistance for breathing if needed. Once babies are determined to be warm, pink and breathing comfortably, they are usually presented to their mothers for cuddling and even initiation of breast-feeding. The mother will quickly monitored for any excessive bleeding and her blood pressure should be taken.

What happens when the pain relief wears off?

Many mothers will be administered some form of pain relief when going through labour and subsequently, they should be prepared for the time when that wears off and they start feeling the pain (yes, sorry, you can’t get away from the pain). After a caesarean section delivery, mothers will feel pain at the area of the wound immediately after surgery. Those under epidural anaesthesia will feel the pain gradually increase, but this pain can be anticipated and adequate pain killers can be given. The location of the pain is also different; one is in front of the tummy and the other, on the bum. If you have had a C-section delivery, your movements are rather restricted. With a normal delivery, sitting can pose a challenge.

When should you start breastfeeding?

You may or may not be aware that breast milk production in new mums can actually take over two days before it is available to the child. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t breast feed immediately, you just need to be aware that some babies may need supplemental milk in the first 24 to 48 hours. Generally speaking, most babies born at full term do quite well without any supplemental milk while waiting for mother’s milk to be produced. Whatever the case, doctors believe it is good to let babies breast feed soon after delivery to a) stimulate production of the milk, as well as to b) allow early bonding.

What health checks will be done in the first 24 hours?

When your baby is born the paediatrician will perform the first examination him/her in hospital. This will involve a head-to-toe physical assessment of your baby’s health. A hearing screen will typically be included as will an injection of vitamin K, to prevent deficiency and easy bruising. Vaccinations against Hepatitis B and Tuberculosis are given before your baby goes home. Another test you can expect is the newborn metabolic screen, which uses a few drops of baby’s blood to screen for a panel of severe, genetic metabolic diseases. That’s why you may see the paediatrician taking some early blood samples.

What should mum eat and drink after the birth?

Don’t worry, I not going to say the placenta! We’ll leave that stuff to folk lore and cult behaviour, thank you very much! For mothers who have had a natural birth, try light but wholesome foods. You will need to replenish your natural energy supplies so lots fruit and vegetables with plenty of fluids and vitamins. For mums who have gone under general anaesthesia, they are always advised to go slow on the food and take fluids for the first 12 hours (for fear of vomiting). Those that have had a caesarean under epidural do much better in this aspect and they are able to eat around 12 hours after surgery. But they still should not eat too much too quickly as the intestines will complain and cause the tummy to become bloated.

When does post-natal depression take hold?

The first thing that may upset the mother is their lack of milk supply. As we’ve already pointed out above, it can take a few days for the milk to arrive so straight away this can make mum feel depressed and unable to properly care for their child. Often, relatives make it worse by contributing more ridiculous solutions to confuse the new mothers rather than recognising that this is quite natural and will rectify itself in due course.

My baby looks discoloured! Why?

Jaundice is a common occurrence in newborn babies, especially those of Asian descent. It manifests as a yellow tinge in the skin or whites of the eyes, and typically reaches its peak on the third to fifth day. It is generally monitored and is not harmful to babies unless very high levels are reached. Treatment usually leads to improvement within 24 to 48 hours. If the baby is red, with bruising discolouration, that’s perfectly normal… you’d look battered if you’d just gone through the same exercise! In any case, the paediatrician will be closely monitoring baby’s health so unless he sees anything abnormal, don’t worry.

How do I handle visitors?

OK, you know there will be plenty of visitors. For you and baby, it is best to try and limit these to smaller parties and for short periods. Here’s a good tip that my mum shared with me; if there are chores that need doing, get your visitors doing them; it will help you and will also make them feel important and needed. It’s a good way to keep everyone engaged and happy. It probably goes without saying, but adults and children with colds and illnesses should not be visiting.

Ovulation; the ins and outs:

When ovulation takes place, a female’s ovaries release an egg for fertilization. This is the most important part of a woman’s menstrual cycle and takes place once a month and two weeks before the woman’s period. For most women ovulation occurs on the 14th day of their 28 day cycle. Of course, the cycles may vary from 20 to 32 days.

Hormones:

A female body has certain hormones which are released by various parts of the body. These hormones influence the ovulation. The brain releases hormones which stimulate the development of eggs in the ovaries. Estrogen and progesterone are two hormones which can be found in the ovaries. These hormones help release eggs during ovulation. The interaction of these hormones causes ovulation and menstruation.

Ovaries (Eggs):

The ovaries of a woman store eggs. These eggs are present at birth and can range from 900.000 to 1 million eggs. However, the number of these eggs declines to about 400.000 eggs by the time a woman starts menstruating. When women hit menopause in their mid to late fifties, they will stop ovulating and menstruating, thus being unable to conceive children.

The process of ovulating:

The ovulation cycle of a woman is determined by her hormone levels. These hormone levels send messages to the body. The hypothalamus, the pituitary gland and the ovaries are responsible for triggering ovulation. Ovulation, however, can skip a month if the messages sent from and to your body are intercepted.

How to know if you’re ovulating:

If you are trying to conceive knowing when you are ovulating may come in handy. By recognizing the symptoms of ovulation you will be able to predict the best time for you and your partner to have intercourse. The list of symptoms are as follows:

• Cramps in the abdominal region
• Rise in body temperature between 0.4 and 0.6 degrees
• Sensitive breasts
• change in firmness of cervix

How to control your ovulation:

Women wishing to conceive who have an irregular ovulation may find it difficult to conceive. To help regulate your ovulation you could consider changing a few things in your life.

• Avoid stress
• Eat proper meals
• Try to regulate your weight
• Exercise, but not too much

Ovulation and menstruation are beautiful processes of nature. If you are having a hard time conceiving try watching your ovulation to recognize the right time to have intercourse. If need be, consult a doctor.

The Menstrual Cycle
The menstrual cycle is approximately a 28-day cycle, which is divided into four overlapping phases; follicular phase, ovulation, luteal phase and menstruation. Of these four phases, ovulation is the most important with regard to fertility.

Ovulation
It is during this short phase, an ova (egg) is recruited and released into the fallopian tubes. The “window of opportunity” after ovulation is only 12-24 hrs. Now this doesn’t mean that one has to have intercourse only after ovulation to conceive. The sperm can remain viable within the female reproductive tract for 24-72 hrs. Intercourse, even three days before ovulation, can result in fertilisation. By having intercourse around the time of ovulation, the chance of becoming pregnant is greatly increased.

A woman’s ovulatory period can be predicted by measuring the basal body temperature. The basal body temperature increases by 1 degree, around the time of ovulation. Alternatively the ovulation date can be estimated by subtracting 14 days from the start of the last menstrual period (LMP). For example if the LMP started on February 14 then ovulation for that cycle took place on February 1st.

The most accurate method, however, is the ovulation prediction kit. This kit is urine based and requires no painful needle sticks. The ovulation kit works by detecting the luteinizing hormone (LH) surge, which occurs just before ovulation. This is the earliest and most accurate method available for predicting ovulation. Ovulation is governed by elevations in luteinizing hormone, which trigger elevations in Oestrogen, thus causing ovulation. By monitoring elevations in luteinizing hormone, a person can anticipate ovulation even before it occurs.

The Role of the Male
The male partner also plays an important role in fertilisation. In fact, the male factor is the most common cause of infertility, accounting for over 25% of the cases. A semen analysis can assess the sperm for quality and quantity. It is a simple, non-invasive procedure, which analyses the semen for sperm concentration, sperm motility, sperm morphology and various other parameters listed below.

Normal parameters:
Volume – 2-5 ml
Ph- 7.2 –7.8
Sperm Concentration – 20M/ml
Sperm Motility- >50%
Sperm Morphology- >50%
WBC- <1 Million wbc/ul
(Adopted from the World Health Organisation)

Sperm health can be compromised by medical conditions, substance abuse, and environmental factors. Medical conditions such as Kartagener’s syndrome, a relatively rare disease, which affects the heart, can lead to azopermia. Azopermia means the inability to produce sperm.

As far as environmental conditions are concerned, sperm are extremely heat sensitive. They require a basal temperature that is a few degrees cooler the normal body temperature. In extremely hot conditions, such as hot spas and wearing tight undergarments, the sperm can denature and affect ones’ ability to conceive.

At the end of the day, fertility is a process that is affected by both sexes. By maintaining a healthy lifestyle and being in tune with the body’s subtle changes, one can greatly increase the probability of conceiving.

If you’re extremely tuned in to your body’s rhythms, you may begin to suspect you’re pregnant soon after conception. But most women won’t experience any early pregnancy symptoms until the fertilised egg attaches itself to the uterine wall, several days after conception. Others may notice no signs of pregnancy for weeks and begin to wonder “Am I pregnant?” only when they miss a period. Below is a list of some of the first signs of impending motherhood. You may experience all, some, or none of these symptoms of pregnancy:

1. Altered sense of taste. You may notice that your sense of taste changes. Some women say they have a metallic taste in their mouth, others that they cannot stand the taste of coffee, tea, or a food they usually like.

2. Food cravings. Yes, it’s a cliché, but food cravings sometimes can be a sign of pregnancy. Don’t rely on them as a sure symptom (it may be all in your head, or even a sign that your body is low on a particular nutrient), but if cravings are accompanied by some of the other symptoms on this list, start counting the days from your last period.

3. Frequent urination. Once the embryo implants and begins producing the hormone human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG), you may find yourself going to the bathroom more often.

4. Implantation bleeding or cramping. About eight days after ovulation, you may experience implantation spotting, a slight staining of a pink or brown colour, as well as some cramping. This is caused by the egg burrowing into the endometrial lining. You might also see some spotting around the time you expect your period.

5. Darkening of your areolas. If the skin around your nipples gets darker, you may have successfully conceived, though this may also signal a hormonal imbalance unrelated to pregnancy or be a leftover effect from a previous pregnancy.

6. Tender, swollen breasts. If you’re pregnant, your breasts will probably become increasingly tender to the touch, similar to the way they feel before your period, only more so. Once your body grows accustomed to the hormone surge, the pain will subside.

7. Fatigue. Feeling tired or even exhausted? High levels of the hormone progesterone can make you feel as if you’ve run a marathon when all you’ve done is put in a day at the office. Fatigue is a hallmark of early pregnancy, though probably not a surefire symptom on its own!

8. Morning sickness. If you’re lucky, morning sickness won’t hit you until a few weeks after conception. (A lucky few escape it altogether.) But as early as a couple of days following conception, you may begin feeling nauseated and queasy. And not just in the morning, either — pregnancy-related nausea can be a problem morning, noon, or night.

9. A missed period. If you’re usually pretty regular and your period is late, it’s worth trying a pregnancy test. A missed period is the surest sign of pregnancy in a woman of childbearing age who usually has regular periods.

And finally…

10. A positive home pregnancy test. If you’ve waited to test until at least the first day of a missed period and a blue line appears in the test window, you’re most likely to be, well, pregnant! Make an appointment with your doctor to confirm the good news, and head over to our pregnancy area. Congratulations!