But wait… the kids have 6 weeks, yep SIX WEEKS, off school! How quickly the anticipation of the fun of summer is lost in the pressured rush of figuring out child care, camps, and whether or not a vacation is financially possible this year. But it’s important to think, for a moment, about what opportunities summer does bring, so let’s focus on the positive for the time being…

There are chances to play more fully.

As one child psychologist, Patty Wipfler, once said “… for children, the chance to play all day, every day is a wonderful thing”. In our household, the need for a protracted period of time with no pressure of school is abundantly clear! Our little one looks like she is in dire need of some free time, where she has nothing to perform for, except by her own choosing.

Personally I’m looking forward to those water fights in the garden, playing hide and seek, building cubbies and staying at the park or the beach until it’s dark (or too cold to stay in the water!). As far as I’m concerned, these are the things I look forward to; the kinds of play that don’t require electricity, or expensive purchases and that just need a bit of imagination and playful attitude to make a success.

There are chances to learn in unusual ways.

When you have a toddler nearly ready to use the toilet, you can allow him or her to roam the back yard naked, learning to master bodily functions in a place where there can be no “accident.” If your child is afraid of the dark, you can set up a tent in the garden and sleep outside, to see what it’s like to spend the night under the light of the moon. And what better time than these Summer holidays to address fears of the water. Summer means that fresh new things can happen, usual boundaries can flex, and parents can relax a bit more around play that one wouldn’t allow when life has to be more structured.

What happens when you run out of ideas?

OK, some summer days can lose their sparkle. There are always going to be occasions when you aren’t feeling as enthused as usual or when your child feels listless, and says they are bored. You’ll notice that there actually are things they could do, and people they could play with, but they are missing that sense of adventure that can turn a simple piece of paper and a scissors into an experiment with hat making, or airplane crafting, or cut out design. The feeling inside of them is actually the problem, not any lack of things to do.

So rather than become irritated that they don’t appreciate all the things they have, or all the time you’ve spent trying to make them happy, move in close. Lie down with them, or next to them. Don’t try to solve the problem of what to do, but instead be happy that you can just stay at home and enjoy each other’s company for a while. If you want, after just being with them for a while, you can begin suggesting things that you could do. Any idea (silly or serious) will do. You’re not trying to solve the problem of what to do. You’re trying to get a bit of laughter going, and then a bit more, and then even more. Your silly ideas, and the release of laughter, will hopefully jump-start your minds and soon you’ll stumble across an idea that sticks. And if you still can’t think of anything, have a look at our fun stuff archives… there’s lot of neat ideas in there!

Staying on good terms.

If you (like me) are a parent that also holds down a job, then you have to remember that these few weeks off work are cramming in a lot of home and family time. Such intensity is unusual and takes getting used to. It’s therefore quite normal for you and the kids to become irate with each other at times. Don’t let that concern you. Your aim is to not let the pressure of the situation be reflected in your actions. Even if you are feeling hot and bothered, smile nicely and put your frustrations to the side. Remember that you can take a “time out” if you have to.

If it’s your child that’s acting up, let them. A good cry is the way many children clear their minds of emotional sludge, and regain their enthusiasm for life. Stay with them, listen to what a dumb day they are having, and don’t get offended if they tell you how stupid you are for whatever reason! To really get the awful feelings out, they need a safe person to serve as their target… and hopefully that’s you! Don’t worry, I promise that this is not their full and final evaluation of your parenting! It’s not. It’s just what they need to do to get the tears going strong, so they can come back to you and feel their love for you again when they have finished.

Vacations provide the chance to get connected.

The Summer holiday for us means vacation time. Whilst we can’t take annual leave for the full 6 weeks holiday period, we religiously try and get several weeks off when we can have prolonged contact with our daughter. Be aware though that this prolonged contact can sometimes result in a few insecurities coming to the fore. For example, when the family comes together and spends extended time with each other, a child’s limbic system, the seat of his or her emotions, gets the signal that life is better than usual. Feelings that don’t correspond to the closeness, the ease, or the sense of relaxation pop up, ready to be released. Those feelings, which can be held in storage for days or months or years, don’t necessarily match the present circumstances, so don’t be put out. If you’re not ready for your children’s emotional cleansing sessions, you’ll be irritated for sure. But just remember that your child’s upsets are the beginning of a summer growth spurt, and are a healthy sign that they love you and trust you to care.

So now that you know what to expect in terms of Summer behaviour, your task is to have a stash of fun activities that you and your kids can engage in over the vacation. If you are short of ideas, check out our suggestions of free fun things to do or our ideas of 15 activities for under a dollar.

Have fun!

Part of the problem, of course, is that swearing and cursing is everywhere. It has permeated the very fabric of our society. It’s in the schools, it’s on TV, and – be honest – it may even be heard in your household too (perhaps even occasionally from you?). So it’s no surprise that children cursing is such a problem these days.

Personally, I don’t like it when I hear children swearing. Oddly enough, I don’t feel anything the same when it’s an adult swearing. Why is that? I was thinking about this seemingly hypocritical position, but I do see some reason in the logic. First and foremost, I thinking swearing (along with many other vices such as drinking, smoking etc) is perceived as “sinful” in a broad sense and children are innocent. So there’s a natural disconnect when it comes to kids swearing (or drinking or smoking). It’s just wrong. Also, there is the context of social acceptance. What I mean here is that it’s generally not considered acceptable for kids to swear and curse so when they do it reflects poorly on the parents.

So what can we do to delay (if we know we can’t stop forever) the cursing? Here are a few pointers on helping your kids keep their language clean.

You Are The First Role Model

Yes, you know this is true so you can’t shirk your responsibilities on this one! Although there is bound to be peer pressure on your kids, you are still the most important influence on his or her life. If you don’t want your kids to curse, it therefore follows that you’ll have to watch your own language. If you are not someone that curses, then great. If, however, you do let the odd expletive slip here or there, don’t beat yourself up about it. If the child heard, acknowledge the slip and apologize for the bad language.

It’s Better To Explain Than To Ignore

OK, it pretty obvious that a child is going to hear swear words and cursing at some stage. You can’t hide them from the world and you can’t prevent them hearing bad language. So one of my first rules is to acknowledge what they are hearing and ask if they have any questions about what it means. If you can explain why the words are offensive and how it affects people (ie it’s rude, threatening and makes people feel uneasy) then at least your child will understand why it’s bad for them to swear.

Set The Rules

If you don’t want your child to curse, say so! Be clear about what you expect from them and help them stay on the right path. For example, you could suggest more appropriate words that they should use if they are trying to make an impact. You can also introduce a “rewards & penalties” system. For example, by docking a % of his/her pocket money for every time they use a swear word and/or giving them more time before Saturday night curfew if they use good language.

Understand Your Child

Sometimes tweens and teens curse because they are seeking attention or they are wanting to distract adults from something else (poor school marks, for example). If your child swears because you are upset with their grades, don’t let the swearing take your focus off the real issue. Take time to sit down and talk with your kid about their behaviour and try and understand what is going on in their lives. It’s important that they understand you are always there for them, no matter what. If you think you need to enlist the help of a counselor to get to the bottom of the issue, contact your child’s school counselor. Or, contact your child’s pediatrician for additional assistance and recommendations.

These days, few kids get through childhood without saying a single curse word. If your child swears, don’t take it too hard. As long as you make it clear that such words are unacceptable, the chances of your child developing an incurable foul mouth are very slim. Your job is to help them use impressive and appropriate language as much as possible.

Here are a list of Do’s and Don’ts to help you along the way:

• Don’t overreact. If you make a big scene when your child utters a dirty word, there’s a good chance that it will reinforce the behavior. They could use the word again when they crave attention, or when they want to evoke a response.
• Do your best not to laugh. Whether you truly find it amusing or just giggle nervously, this could also cause a repeat occurrence. Your child will see that he made you laugh, and s/he might use the same word again when s/he wants to be funny.
• Don’t confront your child about swearing when they are angry or upset. This will only add fuel to the fire in most cases. Work through the problem at hand, and discuss the bad language at a calmer time.
• Do watch your own language a little more closely. Kids often pick up curse words at home, and if you use them frequently, they are more likely to think it’s acceptable to do so themselves.
• Don’t let them get away with it. Depending on their age and the circumstances an effective reward Vs penalty system can be enforced (time out, suspension of certain privileges or grounding may be appropriate).
• Do consider the context of the swear-word. Calling someone a bad name is much more hurtful than swearing because you tripped and fell. Both should be discouraged, but make sure the punishment fits the crime.
• Don’t be afraid of suggesting alternative words. There are plenty of words in the English language that are not so offensive, but still get the point across. You could even encourage your child to make up his own silly expressions to use instead of curse words.
• Do acknowledge whey you slip up and say a curse word. By apologizing you will set a good example for your child.

This led me to thinking about a book, “The Slap”, by Christos Tsiolkas that I also read, which is a story about how an event – a man slapping a child who wasn’t his own at a suburban BBQ – affects a group of people, friends, relatives, who are all directly or indirectly influenced by the slap.

It opened the door to plenty of debate between me and my friends, because is raises the question: should someone else discipline another person’s child? And if so, what are the “rules of engagement” and, subsequently, what is considered an appropriate level of discipline?

As parents, we are usually around children a lot of the time. So it’s inevitable that at some point you’re going to experience another child demonstrating bad behaviour. That’s to be expected and most of us don’t pay it much (if any) attention and get on with our lives as usual. What happens, however, if another child hurts your child? What if they bite them or hit them or push them over causing considerable pain? And what if the aggressor’s parents don’t do anything (or aren’t there to see the incident)?

Interesting questions, aren’t they?

I have to say that in canvassing opinion on these points, I’ve been surprised at the way society seems to be leaning on this. According to a Parenting Survey conducted by AOL, 33% of respondents felt that you should never discipline another person’s child unless you have been given expressed permission by their parent to do so. Over 60% said they wouldn’t discipline another child if their parents were around even if the parents hadn’t taken any action.

I totally accept that seeing someone else reprimand your child makes you instantly protective of them, but are you really at liberty to be upset that your child has been scolded for doing something wrong. Wrong is wrong and right is right and however much you want to defend your children, they have to understand the difference between good and bad behaviour and that will only happen if they are “told off” when they do something unacceptable.

In an ideal world I would say that in the first instance, the parent of the child responsible for the misdemeanour should, of course, be the one who decides on and carries out the disciplining. But if that parent isn’t around (or doesn’t do anything) then surely the parent of the victim has a legitimate right to let the aggressor know that his or her behaviour isn’t appropriate.

I’m not saying that I agree with slapping another person’s child, by the way! I think that discipline should rarely (if ever) involve physical contact and (unless you have a special agreement with the other parents) certainly not when it’s another person’s child. But the idea that we simply aren’t allowed to tell off someone else’s kids (even when they are doing wrong) is a bit too “new age” for me.

On thinking through this conundrum, I came across some sage advice when it comes to disciplining someone else’s kids:

• First, stick to house rules. So, instead of saying “you are not allowed to play ball” you would say “we don’t play ball inside our house”. The problem with this is that it only works if you’re on your own turf!
• If another child or an animal might get hurt, then you have a right to step in before something happens.
• But, when you do step in, don’t “punish” (and certainly not physically). Just take away possessions or give time-outs.
• Finally, never hit or spank someone else’s child, even if you spank your own kids. If for no other reason, you can get into trouble with the law and you also run the risk of serious repercussions.

According to parenting blogger, Myra Turner, when disciplining children you should remember the 4 R’s: Respond, Review, Reflect and Right the Wrong. For example, if someone shoves your child you would first respond to the situation. In a calm voice, ask the aggressor to think about his actions asking a question such as, “Why did you shove little Johnny?” Next, you want to review why the behaviour is wrong. For example, talk about how shoving can be dangerous and why playing nicely is a good thing. Then reflect on the behaviour’s effect, in this case how it makes the other child feel. You can also ask how the other child would feel if you shoved him and pushed him over. And finally, move on to right the wrong. Ask the child how he can remedy the situation. In this case, he could apologize and/or give your child a hug.

One parent I know operates by a hierarchy of who can discipline whom. She says that if your kid hurts another child you have first dibs at telling them off. If you weren’t there the parent of the “victim” gets second rights, but if you are nearby they should let you know what has happened and let you deal with it. In situations where neither parents are around then a parent who did see it should let you both know so you can choose how to deal with it.

Personally, I find that a little too “softly softly” for my liking, but maybe a little bit of preparation ahead of time, where you talk to other parents and make a list of rules and similar “hierarchies” can help prevent awkward situations from arising later on. What do you think?

What it tells us is that, yes, parents can take much of the credit (or blame) for their children’s accomplishments (or not), but not for the reasons that most parents think! At the core of this chapter are the results of the US Department of Education’s ground-breaking study called the Early Childhood Longitudinal Study (ECLS), which tracked the progress of more than 20,000 American schoolchildren from kindergarten through to fifth grade (10 and 11 year olds).

What was particularly revealing were the correlations of the child’s test scores and the results of a questionnaire about the families’ habits, social-demographic and activities. Under Stephen and Steven’s rigourous analysis, they are able to make some very interesting observations about parenting technique and the effect it “really” has on the child.

For example, they claim that many of the foundational beliefs of modern parenting, don’t – according to the data – improve childhood test scores. Here are some of the parental factors that are referred to in the book and that the authors say are statistically proven to matter to the child’s test results or not:

•Matters: The child has highly educated parents.

•Doesn’t: The child regularly watches TV at home.

•Matters: The child’s parents have high income.

•Doesn’t: The child’s mother didn’t work between birth and kindergarten.

•Matters: The child’s parents speak English in the home.

•Doesn’t: The child’s parents regularly take him to museums.

•Matters: The child’s mother was 30 or older at time of the child’s birth.

•Doesn’t: The child parents are still together.

•Matters: The child’s parents are involved in the PTA.

•Doesn’t: The child is regularly spanked at home.

So, museum visits are no better than regular trips to the cinema, and whilst we are on the subject of film, watching TV doesn’t do any damage either! The most interesting conclusion is one that I find a bit disturbing; that parenting technique is actually overrated. Because what Levitt and Dubner prove is that the results your child will achieve are linked to who you as the parents are and not what you do.

OK, let me make an obvious observation here. The results are actually showing us that the children who achieve the best results come from “privileged homes”. For example, it wasn’t that they went to museums or weren’t allowed to watch TV, or that the family homestead was still intact, or even that the parents read to their child. Rather, it was that the parents took an active role in the child’s school life, that they had a higher income (it didn’t matter where they lived by the way) and that they were well educated themselves that made all the difference.

So actually, it’s not that parents don’t matter. Of course they do! The problem is that by the time most parents are thinking of having a child and start to read up on parenting techniques, it’s too late. The things that matter the most were decided long ago. What do you think?

For a start, remember that it’s always worth avoiding tantrums if you can do so without compromising your own limits. There will be times when you must force your child to do something they don’t want to or forbid something they enjoy. That being the case, do it as tactfully as you can. When you can see that he or she is getting angry or upset about something, try to make it easier for them to accept.

Put yourself in their shoes’ it can’t be easy being a toddler, rocking wildly between those anxious and angry feelings. And it sure isn’t easy being a toddler’s parent, either, striving to stay on the centre of that emotional see-saw and to hold it in equilibrium. But there is help.

The best method I’ve come across for dealing with “toddler problems” is that by the linguist, Chris Thompson, which retails at a very reasonable $29 (considerably less than many inferior products on the market). Chris’ “Talking To Toddlers” uses a technique called “neuro-lingustic programming” (NLP) and he has used his training in languages to create a toolkit of “word usage” to help parents with toddler behaviour.

“Talking To Toddlers” is a 12 lesson audio course that comes on CD or downloadable MP3 format. It also comes with an accompanying printed manual and a bunch of bonus materials. He shows how you can make people feel differently about things, or to persuade them to do or not do something, by using the right language. Bringing his 15 years of experience and understanding in this field to realm of toddler behaviour, he shows you how to apply these tools directly to parenting problems in a way that works extremely effectively on toddlers. In it he covers things like:

• The absolute Dos and Don’ts when it comes to toddler tantrums

• How to handle toddler behaviour

• The common toddler problems and how to respond appropriately

• What to do when your toddler does have a tantrum

For example, Chris tells us why there is no virtue in challenging children with absolute “dos” and “don’ts” or in backing them into corners from which they can only explode in rage. He provides excellent advice and tips that really help parents and toddlers avoid the difficult moments and bond much more easily.

Chris is a true professional in his field; he’s not only a trained linguist who specialises in NLP technique, but he is also a family man and father who speaks from personal experience. His programme brings his 15 years of expertise on the matter to you in an easily understandable format and the techniques he teaches are simple to implement. If you are interested in what Chris has to say, you can even sign up to receive a FREE audio lesson.

The good news is that your toddler will – over time – learn how to manage things better and his or her frustrations will become less extreme as they learn how to deal with life’s challenges. In time, children get past the toddler stage and turn into young kids. So whatever happens, you know that this is just a phase and there is always light at the end of the tunnel. In the meantime, however, Chris Thompson’s “Talking To Toddlers” is a great manual full of practical and easy to implement strategies that genuinely work.

At the end of the day, there is a lot of information around on how to cope with toddlers… and with so much advice out there, it’s hard to really find the “nuggets”. There are many sources of information so have a look around and I’m sure you’ll find something that suits you and hopefully helps with those challenging years.

Happy Parenting!

While punishment is simply imposing something unpleasant on someone who has done something wrong, discipline involves instruction. When parents discipline a child, they are sending the signal that the child’s actions were wrong, but they also instruct the child in why their actions were wrong.

Discipline Teaches Children Right from Wrong:

The main goal of disciplining children is to teach them right from wrong. More specifically, when disciplining a child it should always be made clear:

·         What action in particular is causing the child to be disciplined.

·         Why the action was wrong or inappropriate.

·         What more appropriate options could be selected next time.

·         Why it is important to respect others and their property.

·         Why it is important to behave appropriately and responsibly.

Discipline Should Be Consistent:

One of the biggest mistakes parents make when disciplining their children is that they become inconsistent. Instead, be sure to discipline children to an extent that is in proportion to their actions. It is also important to avoid “giving in” to crying and temper tantrums. Remain calm while disciplining children and remind them that you are disappointed in their actions, not in them. Similarly, ensure that you discipline each time the action occurs. Conversely, make sure you praise children when their actions are appropriate.

It is equally important to recognize the good behaviour as well as disciplining the bad.

When children misbehave, it is important that adults know how to handle the situation. Knowing how you will react when a rule is broken is almost as important as establishing the rule itself. The next time your children misbehave, try one of these popular methods of discipline:

Time Out – A modern favourite, “time out” occurs when a child is acting inappropriately and needs to be separated from the situation. Being put in a “time out” chair, step or rug takes the child away from the actions and gives parents a chance to speak to him/her quietly and calmly.

Cause and Effect – Also known as “natural causes,” this method helps children understand the consequences of their actions. If they insist on dumping their paint in the back garden, they will be told how the paint can harm the natural environment and shown why what they are doing is wrong.

Parents’ Rules – Sometimes called “logical consequences,” this method shows children that parents will become actively involved if they misbehave. While not taking a bath may not provoke immediate consequences of any kind for children, it will mean that their parents decree that they can not attend the birthday party tomorrow due to their dirty state.

No more paint to play with (Revoke Privileges) – Sometimes in order to gain children’s attention it becomes necessary to change their lifestyle. Revoking a particular item, such as a toy or video, or a privilege, such as staying up to watch a favourite show, will often seem so severe to a child that they will understand how inappropriate their behaviour has been.