OK, first I have to say that I’m not a woman so I’m obviously approaching this topic from a very different viewpoint of a breast feeder. That said, I can approach the topic from the point of view of a parent whose child may be breastfed by a wet-nurse. And my thoughts are; what’s the big deal?

If we get right back to basics, then we have to accept that wet-nursing has been around for as long as breast feeding has. Throughout history and across the world, wet-nursing and “cross nursing” (the occasional nursing of another’s infant while the mother continues to nurse her own child) has been in practice. Even as far back as 2000 BC, when the oldest written laws – the Code of Hammurabi – were put into practice, there were rules for wet nursing.

So why do so many people get in such a hullabaloo over it? Maybe it has something to do with the intense bond that develops between mother and child, when breastfeeding. In that case, I can understand why some mothers would not want to share that experience with anyone else.

Rhonda Shaw, a sociologist who studies shared nursing in New Zealand, thinks that for some people the idea of physically breast-feeding a child not your own evokes even deeper taboos. She says that many confuse “adult meanings of eroticism with breast feeding … Sometimes people associate a woman breast-feeding another woman’s baby with pedophilia.” Though I’m not sure I would agree with her, I do think she makes an interesting point.

But women who share milk say it’s good for babies and mums. One advocate of cross-nursing, who stayed home after the birth of her child, also nursed the infant of her working sister for a year. She said it created a unique bond with her niece, and brought the family even closer. Another cross-nurser (who also wishes to stay anonymous) says that cross-nursing brought her closer to her friend. “It takes female friendship to another level. You’re trusting another person to nurture your child,” she says. However, the overwhelming feeling from those I spoke to was distinctly negative. I must confess; that surprised me!

One of the ladies had actually cut off relations with a friend of many years because that friend had breast fed her child without her permission. I’m certainly sympathetic, because breast feeding someone else’s child without the parent’s permission does seem a little out of order, but I still couldn’t help thinking that she was blowing things out of proportion. When I asked her why she was so incensed she cited the risks of transmitting viruses through breast milk. That seemed fair enough, but on closer examination, research shows that breast milk contains many factors to protect the infant from such occurrences (although I accept that these may not offer complete protection).

So what about all the milk banks that are popping up around us? I mean, here are organizations that are going to make a considerable profit out of wet-nursing. What do they have to say about it? Well, not surprisingly, their first concern is around the safety of delivering milk to infants. To that end most milk banks will screen donors in a very similar fashion to blood banks.

Dr Ben Hartmann, manager of the PREM Bank, Australia’s first human milk bank says “I would suggest that although breast milk is an amazing and complex fluid that provides so many benefits – beyond just nutrition – to babies, the consequences of some of these risks are severe. One could only counsel parents considering the sharing of breast milk in the knowledge that they fully understood and accepted these risks. For this reason our current policy (and that of most other countries and organizations such as WHO) is that ‘donor’ breast milk should only be sourced from an appropriately managed human milk bank.”

I appreciate the service that many milk banks provide; giving breast milk to the most needy (which is always better than formula milk), but he’s bound to say that though! He wants to ensure his business doesn’t go out of business because people are sharing breast milk openly! I don’t know, personally I can’t see a problem with wet nursing or cross nursing. Sure, there may be slight risk of transmitting a virus (but any type of basic screening can rule out that risk). There is also the sharing of a unique bond that is created between mother and child when breast feeding, which since I’ll never be able to breast feed doesn’t mean much to me either. What I can say is that in communities in which I have witnessed cross nursing and wet nursing as a regularity, the sense of community and the bonds between friends, families, and children have been noticeably greater than in those where it doesn’t occur.

What do you think?

Fostering, on the other hand, is a way of providing family life for someone else’s child in your own home, when they are unable to live in their birth family for a variety of reasons. Many of the children in care have experienced losses and disruptions in their lives to a greater or lesser extent. Some children may have been traumatised, neglected or abused.

Unlike adoption, fostering is typically for a set period of time and involves shared caring… and the child remains the legal responsibility of the local authority and/or their birth parents. Most children in foster care return to their birth families at some point. Where this is not possible, the local authority will look at alternatives, such as other relatives, or adoption.

Who Can Be An Adoptive Or Foster Parent?

People who can provide a safe, nurturing home, meeting the emotional and physical needs of children can adopt or foster. Myths are that people must be young, a heterosexual couple, and economically well off. That’s no longer the case. Sure, you can be a young wealthy heterosexual couple, but single parents, over-50 parents and gay and lesbian families are also adopting and fostering. Our society is diverse, and so are the adoption and foster agencies that families determine to work with.

Advice For Foster and Adoptive Parents

Being a foster or an adoptive parent is the same as being a parent, but the circumtances which led you to that point differ. The important point, though, is that you are still the parent so the principles that govern good parenting apply to you too. Specific advice for adoptive and foster parents includes talking with your child about how they came into your care. There are, of course, other unique situations that occur within adoptive and foster families. These are the common aread to be aware of:

At Home. The first few days home with your new foster or adopted child are understandably the most hectic. So, try to be prepared ahead of time. While you can’t guess what all of your child’s and family’s needs will be over time, let’s work together to learn what has been done in other homes – successfully or unsuccessfully. I’ve discovered that I can learn from another parent’s failures as well as their successes.

At School. As foster and adoptive parents you should be able to attend parent teacher meetings and conferences. So make sure you are involved with the child’s education and schooling activities. Volunteering within the school can be an excellent way to provide support. Perhaps you could spend some time with the child working on a cover story. A cover story is something that the kids can tell others about why they are now in your home. This may also be needed for kids who are newly adopted. Children adopted internationally may be teased for an ethnic name, different appearance, or an accent. Foster children adopted over a summer may have to deal with a new last name and answering questions about why they could not go back home to birth parents.

In the Community. Parenting at home is one thing, out in the real world is another. How do you handle rude comments or innocent questions regarding your family? How do you handle your child, or yourself? Be prepared to answer difficult questions about the new child has come into your life.

Talking With Your Adopted or Foster Child. One of the toughest questions comes from children who have had to wait until their later years before their adoption (and in some cases fostering) have been disclosed to them. How do you avoid these problems? By talking about it early.

Years ago, the topic of adoption was taboo, even in households that embraced adopted children. Many adopted children grew up believing they were born to their adoptive parents. Fortunately, as the definition of “family” has broadened, the stigma surrounding fostering and adoption has lifted. That being the case, it is now much easier for families in this situation to be open and honest about the circumstances and to embrace adoption and fostering as something to be celebrated.

For more information on adopting or fostering you can go to:

www.fostertalk.org/

www.afteradoption.org.uk/

www.bemyparent.org.uk/

www.adopting.org/adoptions/adoption-resources-in-oceania-australia-and-new-zealand.html

Fears about the capacity of the health system to cope with a surge in cases of children struck down with swine flu have been raised time and time again as figures show that the pandemic doesn’t appear to be losing pace.

Given that it’s been all over the news, Practicing Parents felt a duty of care to gather the facts and present them in a “no nonsense” and easy to understand format. We hope you find this helpful.

What’s the difference between swine flu and “normal” flu?

Practically speaking, swine flu is not all that different from seasonal flu in symptoms and treatment. In reality, there are many different strains of influenza (the flu). The problem is that the hype surrounding swine flu has caused a lot of panic, although it’s still the flu – a term that doesn’t cause much alarm on its own, even though each year seasonal influenza kills and hospitalizes many victims.

“Swine flu” refers to any flu virus endemic in pigs, but the strain behind this year’s international outbreak is a mutation which allows animal to human, and human to human, transmission – and that is the most worrying point. If the virus is able to mutate faster than doctors and scientists can keep up with, then there is serious cause for concern. We are not at that stage yet.

What are the symptoms of swine flu?

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) Influenza Division, says that the symptoms of swine flu in people are similar to the symptoms of regular human flu and include:

• fever
• cough
• sore throat
• body aches
• headache
• chills
• fatigue

Like seasonal flu, swine flu infection can be fatal and it’s best to be on the lookout for these and other symptoms in young children. According to the CDC, warning signs that young children in particular need urgent medical attention include:

• Fast breathing or trouble breathing
• Bluish skin color
• Not waking up or not interacting

• Flu-like symptoms improve but then return with fever and worse cough

• Fever with a rash

Who is at risk from swine flu?

What is known is that children between the ages of 5 and 14 are so far proving particularly susceptible to contracting swine flu. Nobody knows why this is specifically the case and the effects are the same no matter what the age of the patient. However, in babies and children parents should keep a careful look out for symptoms such as lethargy, tiredness or difficulty waking up. If these occur then you should consult your doctor immediately.

How can parents protect children from swine flu?

Similar to seasonal flu, swine flu is thought to be spread mainly person-to-person through coughing or sneezing of infected people. That means that exercising common sense and practicing good hygiene are the best ways to help keep your child safe. Here are three common sense guidelines:

• Minimize exposure. If your child is sick, take him or her out of school and keep them home. If in doubt, consult with your pediatrician before sending your child off to school.
• Wash up. Families with children should be extra fastidious with hand-washing. By keeping clean and promoting a sterile environment, you are doing the best you can to keep the bug at bay. Make sure you wash with a sterilizing fluid or a good soap.
• Cover mouths when coughing or sneezing. Using your hands is common practice, but you are better off with a tissue or handkerchief. If you (or your kids) do use your hands, make sure to wash them thoroughly as quickly as possible.

In summary

Although new mutations of the influenza virus are alarming, there isn’t a lot of evidence that shows children are currently at high risk. Parents shouldn’t be particularly worried, but should focus on hygiene and keep an eye out for some of the tell-tale symptoms. If you do see flu symptoms such as sore throat, headache, fever, or body aches and pains, go and see your doctor.

More Information about swine flu

• World Health Organisation
• Video on Understanding Swine Flu from Georgetown University
• Centre for Disease Control & Prevention
• Swine Flu in Australia

So, when your thinking of names for your child, take heed of some of these useful points for consideration – they might just save your child (and you) from a very embarrassing situation.

How does it sound?

Consider how the name works with your surname. When the full name is read out loud, it should have a nice ring. Avoid names that rhyme with your surname, or produce a tongue twister (or an embarrassing sub-meaning). You may decide that, if you have a long surname, that a short first name is most appropriate, or vice versa.You should also consider the transition between the end of one name and the start of a next. First names that end in a vowel sound (such as ‘ee’) may not be suited to surnames that begin with the same sound, for example, “Ellie Edens” or “Carlo Overmars”.

Strike a balance between popularity and obscurity

It’s a tough one. It would be easy to name your child James or Jessica, but they will likely be able to start an exclusive group at school of people with the same name. They may also be referred to as ‘Jessie C’ or something along those lines. On the other hand, you don’t want to set your child up for years of abuse at the hands of cruel school kids. A name like “xerxes” may be unique, but your child will be cursed with explaining the pronunciation and spelling of his name for his entire life.

Consider your child’s initials

If you are a Mr and Mrs Kingsgrove, you probably don’t want to call your child David Ingersoll. Although those names aren’t inoffensive in their own right, the initials D.I.K is going to set your child up for unnecessary teasing.

Don’t forget your heritage

Many parents decide to honour their ethnicity or cultural links by naming their child accordingly. Have roots in North Africa? You may wish to consider ‘Hakim’ for a boy. Did you meet your spouse overseas? Maybe your new child will be named something that comes from that country.

Think about using a family name

It is common practise to perpetuate the memory of a loved one by using their name for your child. Be careful though – don’t let family ties dominate your choice of name. Also consider who you may “put out” if you don’t choose their name. I, for example, have lots of brothers and sisters and I love some of their names. I can’t, however, name my children after just one or two of my siblings because it would alienate the others. If you are unsure whether a family name would suit your new youngster, you could use it for a middle name.

Investigate the meaning

Some parents have a particular desire to give their baby a name, the meaning of which strikes a chord with them. This is particularly true with religious families for example, with ‘John’ meaning ‘God has given’. On the other hand, you may just wish to avoid a meaning which you particularly dislike. ‘Leah’ means ‘spiritless’ – perhaps not such an appealing name if you’re concerned about that meaning?

The Top 10 Names

According to the futuroligist and social researcher Mark McCrindle, the fashion of names has changed. He says that generation X are starting to show their conservative side now that they are becoming parents. “Today’s parents are avoiding gender neutral names, yet there is a creativity in their conservatism with the traditional names sharing the top 10”.

Top 10 For Boys: Jack, William, Lachlan, Joshua, Riley, Thomas, Cooper, Oliver, James and Ethan.

Top 10 For Girls: Mia, Chloe, Isabella, Charlotte, Emily, Ella, Olivia, Sienna, Ava and Sophie.

These things are quite normal and – when you think about it – it’s not surprising that bonding for a dad can be hard at first. Watching your partner give birth – with all the emotion and drama of the experience – can leave you stunned or feeling like a spare part. I mean, honestly, at the end of the day how much are dads actually even necessary in the whole pregnancy? Physiologically, after we’ve donated our sperm, not at all… emotionally, maybe… and to give foot rubs, definitely! So that’s it then; the sum of our necessity is to give foot rubs. And then when you wait for the baby to finally arrive (because you’re sure things will get back to normal then), you find that your partner is constantly exhausted, often grumpy and only has eyes for your baby. It’s not really “happy families”, is it?

Why Is It So Different For Dads?

The experience of becoming a parent is often very different for the father. “I hadn’t realised how all-consuming it would be for my wife,” says my friend James, dad to Thomas, three months. “She was totally focused on Tom, nervous about everything, sleep-deprived… I knew she needed my support but – and I know this sounds terrible – I felt very left out.”

Similarly, many men feel excluded from the strong bonding experience that inevitably occurs between mother and baby throughout the pregnancy, through the labour and finally with breastfeeding. The feeling of traditional roles kicking in can also make many new dads panic. Dads are seen as providers, and suddenly becoming responsible for a vulnerable human being can make them anxious. “Suddenly I thought of all the dangers in the world and was afraid I wouldn’t be strong enough to keep Tom safe,” says James.

Kids Need Their Dads

Here is the good news for us fathers: children absolutely need their dads. All research into this matter shows unequivocal results; that children are more likely to do better at school, to enjoy their childhood, and to feel happy and fulfilled when they have an active father, who gets involved in their life.

Research from the US Department of Education also shows that children whose fathers are not very involved in their daily lives are more likely to drop out of school and to have problems developing relationships of their own.  Child development experts will go so far to say that the alliance between father and son is especially important in the life of a child who has learning and emotional issues.

So, I know that us men aren’t meant to feel vulnerable, but let me tell you now. When you do feel vulnerable and when you do feel left out, remember that your kid needs you. No question, he or she needs their dad and you should know that the efforts you make to get involved in their lives will make the world of difference to them.

As A Dad, Where Do I Start?

First and foremost, start early. Bonding with a baby is far easier than waiting for your child to grow up and then trying to bond. And bonding doesn’t always happen in the blink of an eye so remember that your child is a person in his or her own right and you have to get to know each other.

Top 10 Tips To Help Dads Bond With Baby

Here are some practical tips to specifically help dads bond with their babies.

1. Remember that you play a unique and essential role in your baby’s life. Maternity services are geared up to mums’ needs, which can make dads feel less important.
2. Expect a roller coaster of emotions – feeling worried, confused or overwhelmed is common. Talking to your partner, friends, or a local dads’ group will help.
3. Get involved in your baby’s routine. Babies soon recognise their main carers, so feed and bathe them, clean his or her nappy, and put him to bed as often as possible.
4. Make time for play – your baby will get your full attention and you’ll have fun too. Look for activities you can do together, such as going swimming or to a parent and baby music session.
5. Sing, talk and read to your child. You don’t need to stick to nursery rhymes and children’s books – sing along to your favourite CDs, talk about things you like or make up your own stories.
6. Use physical contact – touch, tickles and cuddles really help build bonds. Take your child into the bath with you.
7. Reflect on what you liked about your own upbringing – the clearer you are about the type of dad you want to be, the easier it’ll be to put into practice.
8. Give your partner a break – spending time looking after the baby on your own will build up your confidence in being a dad.
9. Reflect on what a great dad you are (if you are doing 1-8). The more confident, calm and happy you are, the more secure the bond will be.
10. Don’t be afraid to seek advice – after all, no one teaches you how to be a dad.

At the end of the day, fatherhood is a complex, personal experience that takes time and there’s no magic formula and it can’t be forced. Bonding is the first step and as you become more comfortable with your baby and your new routine becomes more predictable, you, your partner and your child will feel better about the future and the adventure of family life to come.

By thinking about the father you want to be and working at it, you will start to feel confident of the part you play in your child’s life. Enjoy it, show “who is the daddy” and remember that part of the beauty of having two parents is that each parent can have their own style, which helps forge a unique bond with the baby and grows a stronger family unit.

This is an interesting one. My partner (who, incidentally, had a caesarean) remembers the first 24 hours as being amongst the worst. After receiving bucket loads of attention for the 9 months of her pregnancy – and then even more throughout a 70 hour labour! – it came as a huge shock when her daughter was pulled out, whisked off and poor mum was left all alone for the next several hours wondering “what next”.

So, realistically, what should you expect for you and your baby just after the birth? You’ve attended the pre-natal yoga classes and antenatal classes, had your massages, learnt breathing techniques in preparation for the birth of your child, but what happens after that? To help you understand what happens in this critical point of time, we have gathered thoughts from some of the leading obstetricians to hear what they think mum (and baby) should be prepared for.

What happens immediately after the baby is born?

Upon delivery, attendant staff will wrap the newborn in warm towels after the umbilical cord is cut. They then assess the newborn for breathing and colour, and clear the baby’s airway and provide stimulation or assistance for breathing if needed. Once babies are determined to be warm, pink and breathing comfortably, they are usually presented to their mothers for cuddling and even initiation of breast-feeding. The mother will quickly monitored for any excessive bleeding and her blood pressure should be taken.

What happens when the pain relief wears off?

Many mothers will be administered some form of pain relief when going through labour and subsequently, they should be prepared for the time when that wears off and they start feeling the pain (yes, sorry, you can’t get away from the pain). After a caesarean section delivery, mothers will feel pain at the area of the wound immediately after surgery. Those under epidural anaesthesia will feel the pain gradually increase, but this pain can be anticipated and adequate pain killers can be given. The location of the pain is also different; one is in front of the tummy and the other, on the bum. If you have had a C-section delivery, your movements are rather restricted. With a normal delivery, sitting can pose a challenge.

When should you start breastfeeding?

You may or may not be aware that breast milk production in new mums can actually take over two days before it is available to the child. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t breast feed immediately, you just need to be aware that some babies may need supplemental milk in the first 24 to 48 hours. Generally speaking, most babies born at full term do quite well without any supplemental milk while waiting for mother’s milk to be produced. Whatever the case, doctors believe it is good to let babies breast feed soon after delivery to a) stimulate production of the milk, as well as to b) allow early bonding.

What health checks will be done in the first 24 hours?

When your baby is born the paediatrician will perform the first examination him/her in hospital. This will involve a head-to-toe physical assessment of your baby’s health. A hearing screen will typically be included as will an injection of vitamin K, to prevent deficiency and easy bruising. Vaccinations against Hepatitis B and Tuberculosis are given before your baby goes home. Another test you can expect is the newborn metabolic screen, which uses a few drops of baby’s blood to screen for a panel of severe, genetic metabolic diseases. That’s why you may see the paediatrician taking some early blood samples.

What should mum eat and drink after the birth?

Don’t worry, I not going to say the placenta! We’ll leave that stuff to folk lore and cult behaviour, thank you very much! For mothers who have had a natural birth, try light but wholesome foods. You will need to replenish your natural energy supplies so lots fruit and vegetables with plenty of fluids and vitamins. For mums who have gone under general anaesthesia, they are always advised to go slow on the food and take fluids for the first 12 hours (for fear of vomiting). Those that have had a caesarean under epidural do much better in this aspect and they are able to eat around 12 hours after surgery. But they still should not eat too much too quickly as the intestines will complain and cause the tummy to become bloated.

When does post-natal depression take hold?

The first thing that may upset the mother is their lack of milk supply. As we’ve already pointed out above, it can take a few days for the milk to arrive so straight away this can make mum feel depressed and unable to properly care for their child. Often, relatives make it worse by contributing more ridiculous solutions to confuse the new mothers rather than recognising that this is quite natural and will rectify itself in due course.

My baby looks discoloured! Why?

Jaundice is a common occurrence in newborn babies, especially those of Asian descent. It manifests as a yellow tinge in the skin or whites of the eyes, and typically reaches its peak on the third to fifth day. It is generally monitored and is not harmful to babies unless very high levels are reached. Treatment usually leads to improvement within 24 to 48 hours. If the baby is red, with bruising discolouration, that’s perfectly normal… you’d look battered if you’d just gone through the same exercise! In any case, the paediatrician will be closely monitoring baby’s health so unless he sees anything abnormal, don’t worry.

How do I handle visitors?

OK, you know there will be plenty of visitors. For you and baby, it is best to try and limit these to smaller parties and for short periods. Here’s a good tip that my mum shared with me; if there are chores that need doing, get your visitors doing them; it will help you and will also make them feel important and needed. It’s a good way to keep everyone engaged and happy. It probably goes without saying, but adults and children with colds and illnesses should not be visiting.

Controlled Crying – Good or Bad?

In a nutshell, controlled crying is a sleep training method that teaches your child to sleep independently. It doesn’t mean you abandon your baby to their tears, per say, but you are required to leave them to cry for increasing periods of time. The length of time between visits is gradually amplified until your baby is asleep. “Controlled crying” has become very fashionable in recent years, but experts are still undecided as to its long term effects.

Most people don’t believe it will do any serious harm. Put it into perspective; the average baby cries for about three hours every day anyway. Also, research shows that babies (and toddlers) are more securely attached and happier after sleep training. It does make perfect sense, when you think about it: a child that sleeps better at night will be less tired and irritable during the day… and that’s good for everyone.

However, there are a few child experts who do not condone controlled crying and Dr Miriam Stoppard goes so far to say that controlled crying is “unnatural and even harmful”. Her point is that before the baby is developmentally ready to go to sleep itself, you can’t train him or her. Conversely, once the baby is ready, he or she doesn’t need training. I’m sure her views will resonate with the parents who can’t stand to leave their baby crying for more than a few seconds (I’m one of them).

Dr Stoppard goes on to say that stress in infancy, caused by leaving a young baby to cry, can result in “high levels of stress hormones that dampen the formation of a healthy brain”. She refers to a book by three American psychiatrists, professors Lewis, Amini and Lannon, who suggest that this can change the baby’s brain forever. They believe that letting a baby cry for long periods can lead to timid, clingy children, neurotic, withdrawn teenagers and adults vulnerable to anxiety and depression.

OK, maybe that seems a little too “new age”, but whether or not we spoil our child (double meaning intended) through controlled crying or not, there are other methods that parents can use to teach babies to sleep.

Other Things Parents Can Do To Promote Sleep:

Begin by contemplating these questions:

·         Am I content with the way things are, or am I becoming resentful, angry, or frustrated?

·         Is my baby’s night-time routine negatively affecting my marriage, my job, or my relationships with my other children?

·         Is my baby happy, healthy, and seemingly well rested?

·         Am I happy, healthy, and well rested?

·         What is a reasonable expectation for my baby at his/her age?

·         What naptime and bedtime situation would I consider “acceptable”?

·         What naptime and bedtime situation would I consider “pure bliss”?

·         Why do I want to change my baby’s sleep patterns? Is it truly what’s best for me and my baby, or am I doing this to meet someone else’s expectations?

·         Am I willing to be patient and make a gradual, gentle change for my baby if that means no crying?

Once you answer these questions, you will have a better understanding of not only what is happening with regard to your baby’s sleep, but what approach you will feel most comfortable using to help your baby sleep better.

Alternative Sleep Promotion Methods:

METHOD 1: Pick up, put down

Maintaining regular contact with your baby until (s)he’s reassured enough to fall asleep.

1. Watch for your baby’s sleepy signs” yawning, eye-rubbing and general crankiness.
2. Put her/him in the cot while (s)he’s drowsy but awake.
3. If (s)he cries, pick her/him up and comfort her/him with a ’sshhh’ until (s)he stops crying, then put her/him down.
4. Continue with picking her up if s/he gets upset. Eventually s/he’ll realise that you’ll put her/him down once s/he’s calm, and s/he’ll learn to fall asleep by her/himself. S/he’ll begin to associate the ’sshhh’ sound with sleep so that if s/he wakes the sound alone should work.

Tip: This is much easier and more effective if you wait until your baby’s sleepy.

PROS:                                                  CONS:
- Gentle on the baby.                      - Can take a lot of your time each night.
- Emotionally easy on you.          – Can take weeks, not days, to work.

                                                                 – All the bending over can be hard on your back.

METHOD 2: Controlled comforting

This is a compromised 'controlled crying' technique

1. Put your baby in her/his cot awake, then leave. Wait outside for 2 minutes to see if s/he settles.
2. If s/he doesn’t settle, go back in and lay her/him on her/his side, facing away from you. When s/he starts to cry, place one hand on her/his shoulder and use the other to pat her/his bottom, saying, ‘It’s time to sleep’. If s/he stops crying, stop patting. Give her/him 2 minutes of this attention.
3. If after that your baby hasn’t fallen asleep, wait outside for 4 minutes. If s/he doesn’t settle, go in and repeat the process, this time for 4 minutes.
4. Extend the time spent comforting and leaving her/him alone to settle by 2 minutes each time. When s/he falls asleep, gently roll her/him on to her/him back. If s/he doesn’t settle within an hour, offer her/him a feed and a cuddle, then start again.

PROS:
- It is a good compromise for those who can’t handle controlled crying.

CONS:

- It can take a long time to work on any given evening and be several weeks before your baby learns to settle quickly.

METHOD 3: Pre-sleep routine

This can be used in conjunction with any of the previous techniques but is sometimes enough in itself. 

1. Signpost bedtime by telling your baby it’s time for bed.
2. Give her/him a bath, feed and story. You don’t have to do all three but it helps, and always do them in the same order.
3. Put her/him to bed in her/his cot. S/he needs to associate it with sleep so s/he knows what bedtime means.
4. When s/he wakes for a feed, keep it boring. Dim the lights, don’t play or chat and only change her/his nappy if really necessary.

 PROS:                                                                       CONS:
- It’s emotionally neutral so is less tiring.      – ties you down each evening.
- It doesn’t require any planning.

METHOD 4: The core night routine

The core night method can be used for a baby over six weeks, who weighs more than 4.6kg (l0lb), has fallen into a good daytime routine and is settling well in the evening. You’ll know it’s the right time to start thinking about this method when your baby’s still waking in the night looking for a feed but not feeding well at 7am.

1. The core night works on the principle that once a baby sleeps for one longer spell in the night over several nights, s/he shouldn’t be fed again during the hours slept in the course of the core night.
2. Once you’ve seen that your baby can last a certain length of time without a feed, you can use this opportunity to help her/him to sleep longer. If s/he wakes during these hours, s/he should be left for a few minutes to settle her/himself back to sleep.
3. If s/he doesn’t settle, try patting her/him, offering a dummy or a sip of water, giving the minimum of attention. Babies over six weeks who are putting on a good amount of weight each week but who are still waking at 3am should be offered a dummy or a bottle of cool, boiled water. If your baby still won’t settle, give her/him the smallest feed that gets him through until 7am.

PROS:

- It is less tiring.

- It relies on what the baby has already managed, so it feels more natural.

Cons:

- It does require some will power on your side.
- It can take a long time to work on any given evening.

Finally:

Once you have some perspective about your baby’s current sleep issues, it is important to be realistic in determining your goals and to be honest in assessing the situation’s effect on your life. Some people can handle two night wakings easily, while others find that the effect of even one night waking is just too much to handle. The key is to evaluate whether your baby’s sleep schedule is a problem in your eyes, or just in those of the people around you.

What do you think? Has controlled crying worked for you? Or do you think it’s bad for babies? What methods do you like?

Soothsayers have been claiming they can predict the gender of your baby for as long as anyone can remember. Some predictions are as strange as studying the shape of your nose and some are as ridiculous as relying on the “position of conception”. However, for anyone who has genuinely wanted to know the gender of their baby, the clear cut answers rely on ultrasound scans. And typically you would need to wait until the 20 week scan or later to clearly see the genitals.

So what if I told you that you can find out the sex of your baby at week 12… with a 75% degree of accuracy! You don’t believe me? Well, it’s true and it’s called “the nub theory”. This basically relies on the “angle of the dangle” and it’s a fairly new technique. It basically works like this: between weeks 11 and 14 the foetus has a small bump between the legs.

Until recently, sonographers (the people that read your scan) haven’t been able to conclusively predict the baby’s gender at this stage because the protuberance occurs in both males and females, and the look almost identical. However, recent studies show that there is, actually, a difference that can be spotted even as early as at the 12 week scan. Essentially a boy’s dangle is 30 degrees up (hardly a dangle, in my opinion, and a very boyish trait already!) and the girl’s is below 30 degrees. Both dangles are measured relative to the backbone.

Wow!

OK, so it’s not all that easy. There are “grey areas”, where it’s really not possible to see at this stage which way the bulge is leaning, but in essence the system works. The other challenge is that the scan has to be of the foetus lying as flat as possible as it’s very difficult to predict the gender when he or she is all curled up. Also, it must be side on and apparently it is better if the baby is right side up.

So there you go… need some proof? Look at this.

This is a scan taken at 12 weeks. Can you see the little protrusion near the top right corner of the picture. That is the “nub”, and as you can see it is at an angle of greater than 30 degrees relative to the back bone.

OK, now let’s look at the female equivalent. Once again, this scan is taken at the 12 week milestone (the end of the first trimester). And there you can see it; the nub is less than 30 degrees on this picture… and it really is very clear. Given that these two scans were taken at the same time, there is quite a difference, don’t you think?

Remarkable, but true! If you get your scan at 11 weeks, it can be difficult to tell the difference between the genders. If, on the other hand, you check the 12 week scan, you can predict the gender of your baby with a 75% degree of accuracy (at 13 weeks it’s closer to 95% accurate). When you next go in for your scan and you start talking about “nub theory” and checking the picture, be aware that some sonographers aren’t conscious of this theory so don’t be put off when they look at you like your crazy. Just ask to get a shot exactly like one of the ones above; the foetus right side on, back flat not curled up and a good shot of the ‘nub’ and you can do the rest.

That is, of course, if your keen to find out the gender of your baby. Personally, I’d rather be surprised, but that’s just me.