Kids & Cursing

It sounds like they come as a package doesn’t it? “Kids and Cursing”! And for many, that’s the reality. Especially, it seems, when they hit the tween and teen years. I don’t know, maybe it’s that time of their lives; when they are trying to fit in and look “cool” and grown up.

Part of the problem, of course, is that swearing and cursing is everywhere. It has permeated the very fabric of our society. It’s in the schools, it’s on TV, and – be honest – it may even be heard in your household too (perhaps even occasionally from you?). So it’s no surprise that children cursing is such a problem these days.

Personally, I don’t like it when I hear children swearing. Oddly enough, I don’t feel anything the same when it’s an adult swearing. Why is that? I was thinking about this seemingly hypocritical position, but I do see some reason in the logic. First and foremost, I thinking swearing (along with many other vices such as drinking, smoking etc) is perceived as “sinful” in a broad sense and children are innocent. So there’s a natural disconnect when it comes to kids swearing (or drinking or smoking). It’s just wrong. Also, there is the context of social acceptance. What I mean here is that it’s generally not considered acceptable for kids to swear and curse so when they do it reflects poorly on the parents.

So what can we do to delay (if we know we can’t stop forever) the cursing? Here are a few pointers on helping your kids keep their language clean.

You Are The First Role Model

Yes, you know this is true so you can’t shirk your responsibilities on this one! Although there is bound to be peer pressure on your kids, you are still the most important influence on his or her life. If you don’t want your kids to curse, it therefore follows that you’ll have to watch your own language. If you are not someone that curses, then great. If, however, you do let the odd expletive slip here or there, don’t beat yourself up about it. If the child heard, acknowledge the slip and apologize for the bad language.

It’s Better To Explain Than To Ignore

OK, it pretty obvious that a child is going to hear swear words and cursing at some stage. You can’t hide them from the world and you can’t prevent them hearing bad language. So one of my first rules is to acknowledge what they are hearing and ask if they have any questions about what it means. If you can explain why the words are offensive and how it affects people (ie it’s rude, threatening and makes people feel uneasy) then at least your child will understand why it’s bad for them to swear.

Set The Rules

If you don’t want your child to curse, say so! Be clear about what you expect from them and help them stay on the right path. For example, you could suggest more appropriate words that they should use if they are trying to make an impact. You can also introduce a “rewards & penalties” system. For example, by docking a % of his/her pocket money for every time they use a swear word and/or giving them more time before Saturday night curfew if they use good language.

Understand Your Child

Sometimes tweens and teens curse because they are seeking attention or they are wanting to distract adults from something else (poor school marks, for example). If your child swears because you are upset with their grades, don’t let the swearing take your focus off the real issue. Take time to sit down and talk with your kid about their behaviour and try and understand what is going on in their lives. It’s important that they understand you are always there for them, no matter what. If you think you need to enlist the help of a counselor to get to the bottom of the issue, contact your child’s school counselor. Or, contact your child’s pediatrician for additional assistance and recommendations.

These days, few kids get through childhood without saying a single curse word. If your child swears, don’t take it too hard. As long as you make it clear that such words are unacceptable, the chances of your child developing an incurable foul mouth are very slim. Your job is to help them use impressive and appropriate language as much as possible.

Here are a list of Do’s and Don’ts to help you along the way:

Don’t overreact. If you make a big scene when your child utters a dirty word, there’s a good chance that it will reinforce the behavior. They could use the word again when they crave attention, or when they want to evoke a response.
Do your best not to laugh. Whether you truly find it amusing or just giggle nervously, this could also cause a repeat occurrence. Your child will see that he made you laugh, and s/he might use the same word again when s/he wants to be funny.
Don’t confront your child about swearing when they are angry or upset. This will only add fuel to the fire in most cases. Work through the problem at hand, and discuss the bad language at a calmer time.
Do watch your own language a little more closely. Kids often pick up curse words at home, and if you use them frequently, they are more likely to think it’s acceptable to do so themselves.
Don’t let them get away with it. Depending on their age and the circumstances an effective reward Vs penalty system can be enforced (time out, suspension of certain privileges or grounding may be appropriate).
Do consider the context of the swear-word. Calling someone a bad name is much more hurtful than swearing because you tripped and fell. Both should be discouraged, but make sure the punishment fits the crime.
Don’t be afraid of suggesting alternative words. There are plenty of words in the English language that are not so offensive, but still get the point across. You could even encourage your child to make up his own silly expressions to use instead of curse words.
Do acknowledge whey you slip up and say a curse word. By apologizing you will set a good example for your child.