If you have come this far, then you are obviously, strangely, keenly, interested in (and that’s nothing to be ashamed about) who Daoud is. Given the pains you must have gone to in order to seek out this knowledge, it is only appropriate that you are rewarded with the unabridged and undiluted bio of a life (still) in the making.
Unfortunately, some of Daoud’s true origins are still unknown. One rumour has it that he came from the ocean or just a muddy puddle, another that he was borne by a union of stellar gasses in a distant galaxy, but the one most people accept as accurate is that he was born at the age of two to his mum and dad in England.
Already ahead of his time, Daoud – known to some of his friends as Dodi – was clearly a talented young boy. Before he could even speak, Dodi’s mum was amazed at the dead-ringer impersonation he did of their pet dog, Boozer.
This kid had something special and it was plain to see. There was perhaps, a likely possibility that he may, perchance, someday, possibly and maybe definitely, become arguably at least a questionable success.
Having an unusual ability to shape-shift, for many years Dodi experimented with various forms. Dog, buffalo, orcas, humming-bird, hamster, otter, and even the bald eagle. But of them all his favourite was that of the small garden weasel. Dodi spent several years with the beasts of the world, playing chess, and telling stories. He got to know many other creatures, including Wile E. Coyote, Road Runner, Ra, Horus, Yogi Bear and even Skippy the bush kangaroo. Most of them were fun at parties but couldn’t hold their drink so Daoud didn’t invite them back home too often.
As is the way of the shape-shifter, when Dodi hit 10 years old his shape-shifting abilities died a cruel and sudden death. He decided then to make his own way in the world and, England being an island with no way in or out, he had no choice but to build a small boat-like boat and set off for sunnier climes. Unfortunately the gods were not with him and following a boat-like boating accident, he was raised for several years by penguins on a small piece of real estate on an iceberg just left of the Antarctic, which didn’t have a MacDonald’s or Burger King, or even a KFC.
He graduated from University, where he learned that not all issues can be reduced to black or white. He received his MBA, which he attended on a full scholarship through an administrative error. And he now lectures frequently to his family (and anyone else that will listen) on a variety of subjects.
Dodi has received many bemused queries, often pertaining to the state of his mental health. To limit future inquiry, here are answers to some of the more frequently asked questions:
1) He has no idea who Justine McManamus is. He has never met or spoken to a person by that name.
2) He is not gay. Just because you might hear him agreeing with Kevin on a regular basis and laughing jovially with him (sometimes even clapping each other on the shoulder), they are just friends who value each others’ opinions.
3) Yes, it was very cold. Thankfully he had a jumper AND a coat.
4) The last purchase he really regretted was a litre of rocky-road Moven Pick ice-cream, which he decided he “needed” as a follow-up to several bottles of wine, multiple beers, Jager bombs, cider and a flaming sambuka (a painful memory). The loss was more one of self-esteem than monetary.
If, and heaven only knows why, you are interested in learning even more about Dodi and the many talents he may or may not have, you can follow him directly on twitter or befriend him on facebook or link up with him on LinkedIn.
May the farce be with you.
