Adoption differs from fostering in a number of ways. Adoption is a legal process by which all parental rights and responsibilities are permanently transferred to the adoptive parents by a court. The child legally becomes part of the adoptive family, as if they had been born into it, and subsequently (usually) take the family’s surname. Adoption has significant legal, emotional, psychological, and social consequences for the child, the adoptive parents, the birth parents and others.
Fostering, on the other hand, is a way of providing family life for someone else’s child in your own home, when they are unable to live in their birth family for a variety of reasons. Many of the children in care have experienced losses and disruptions in their lives to a greater or lesser extent. Some children may have been traumatised, neglected or abused.
Unlike adoption, fostering is typically for a set period of time and involves shared caring… and the child remains the legal responsibility of the local authority and/or their birth parents. Most children in foster care return to their birth families at some point. Where this is not possible, the local authority will look at alternatives, such as other relatives, or adoption.
Who Can Be An Adoptive Or Foster Parent?
People who can provide a safe, nurturing home, meeting the emotional and physical needs of children can adopt or foster. Myths are that people must be young, a heterosexual couple, and economically well off. That’s no longer the case. Sure, you can be a young wealthy heterosexual couple, but single parents, over-50 parents and gay and lesbian families are also adopting and fostering. Our society is diverse, and so are the adoption and foster agencies that families determine to work with.
Advice For Foster and Adoptive Parents
Being a foster or an adoptive parent is the same as being a parent, but the circumtances which led you to that point differ. The important point, though, is that you are still the parent so the principles that govern good parenting apply to you too. Specific advice for adoptive and foster parents includes talking with your child about how they came into your care. There are, of course, other unique situations that occur within adoptive and foster families. These are the common aread to be aware of:
At Home. The first few days home with your new foster or adopted child are understandably the most hectic. So, try to be prepared ahead of time. While you can’t guess what all of your child’s and family’s needs will be over time, let’s work together to learn what has been done in other homes – successfully or unsuccessfully. I’ve discovered that I can learn from another parent’s failures as well as their successes.
At School. As foster and adoptive parents you should be able to attend parent teacher meetings and conferences. So make sure you are involved with the child’s education and schooling activities. Volunteering within the school can be an excellent way to provide support. Perhaps you could spend some time with the child working on a cover story. A cover story is something that the kids can tell others about why they are now in your home. This may also be needed for kids who are newly adopted. Children adopted internationally may be teased for an ethnic name, different appearance, or an accent. Foster children adopted over a summer may have to deal with a new last name and answering questions about why they could not go back home to birth parents.
In the Community. Parenting at home is one thing, out in the real world is another. How do you handle rude comments or innocent questions regarding your family? How do you handle your child, or yourself? Be prepared to answer difficult questions about the new child has come into your life.
Talking With Your Adopted or Foster Child. One of the toughest questions comes from children who have had to wait until their later years before their adoption (and in some cases fostering) have been disclosed to them. How do you avoid these problems? By talking about it early.
Years ago, the topic of adoption was taboo, even in households that embraced adopted children. Many adopted children grew up believing they were born to their adoptive parents. Fortunately, as the definition of “family” has broadened, the stigma surrounding fostering and adoption has lifted. That being the case, it is now much easier for families in this situation to be open and honest about the circumstances and to embrace adoption and fostering as something to be celebrated.
For more information on adopting or fostering you can go to:
www.adopting.org/adoptions/adoption-resources-in-oceania-australia-and-new-zealand.html
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