When we meet someone new, one of the first questions we ask is what they do for a living. What this tells us is that a) most of us define ourselves to some degree or another based upon the work that we do, and b) that we do make certain judgments based upon a person’s profession.
Not that I’m condoning this kind of stereotyping, I’m just highlighting a reality that exists and that is a real issue for many “stay at home dads”. The problem is that gender roles have long been set in stone and being the breadwinner has predominantly been the role of the male. Why should this be the case? In an age where women can be astronauts and brain surgeons, why can’t men be stay at home dads? No matter what people say, the trend is becoming more and more popular as the marketplace opens up for women to earn and do as much as their male counterparts in predominately male occupations.
While stay-at-home dads are in the minority, it is an emerging trend that in today’s families many couples are choosing the man stay at home and raise the children for many reasons. Sometimes the woman has a higher income or is on a fast paced career track that is economically more beneficial for the family. Sometimes the man decides to stay home to be more accessible to his children. Sometimes the couple decides even before they have children who will stay at home. Whatever the reason, these dads are just as vital to the raising of their children and management of their households than stay at home mums are and Stereotyping or criticizing men for choosing to stay at home to raise their children is inappropriate and unproductive.
Stay At Home Dads – Dispelling The Myths
So, if you’re thinking of being a stay-at-home dad you may be pleased to know that you are part of a growing number of men taking on full-time responsibility for childcare. However, although the trend is on the rise, there are a number of negative myths associated with the stay at home dad due to the stereotyping of gender roles which we find present in every level of society. Here are the three most common myths, as well as some information to help dispel the myths:
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Stay-at-home dads are lazy or stupid: Any parent, male or female, who has experienced staying at home to raise children, knows that to do this job effectively, being lazy or stupid is not an option. It is one of the few jobs that is 24/7, with no breaks, no vacation time, and no holidays. These parents supervise, teach, counsel, and keep their children safe, clean, and fed. They also often manage household finances, do all the shopping, clean, keep up with yard work, and ensure that the home and vehicles are maintained. This job requires skills such as multi-tasking, management, communication, problem solving, attention to detail, and leadership. Not everyone is cut out for this unrelenting, stressful, yet rewarding job. Stupid? I don’t think so… lazy? You have to be kidding!
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Stay-at-home dads are either not manly or not as nurturing as a woman: First and foremost, why do these two points have to be mutually exclusive. Can’t a man be “manly” AND “nurturing”? The response to anyone who has this kind of sexist attitude is to educate them away from their very ignorant point of view. Many fathers, whether they work full-time or stay at home, are extremely nurturing. And according to the dictionary, manliness is “the trait of being manly; having the characteristics of an adult male”, which I think covers most things with a penis!
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The wives of stay-at-home dads “wear the pants”: The concept of “wearing the pants” is not only sexist, but antiquated. Having one parent stay home to raise children is a family decision. It is doubtful that most stay-at-home dads would report that their wives forced them to stay home or that they did not have a voice in the decision.
Things To Know About Staying At Home
Whether you’re a stay-at-home mum or dad, the decision to move from work to home can be a journey fraught with difficulties. Here are some issues specific to stay-at-home dads that we’ve come across and our advice to help you through.
Don’t be home alone – seek out a support network
Despite being part of a growing trend, you ought to be aware that, as a man, you’ll be in the minority group as far as stay-at-home parenting is concerned. Be prepared to be the only man in the playground, baby massage class or coffee morning. This, in turn, may make forming a network of friendly parents (a lifeline for any stay-at-home parent or Dad) that bit more difficult. It’s a fact that you’ll probably have to work twice as hard as a woman to get accepted into groups – but it’s well worth making the effort. Other parents will be the support network that makes or breaks you as a parent.
You are sharing an experience – remember that
To make it easy on yourself, it’s a good thing to remember that everyone’s in the same boat as far as the parenting game is concerned. If you’re attending a baby group everyone there is probably new to parenting and desperate to find a friend to share the experience with. Knowing that you’re all in the same boat may make you feel less self-conscious about going up to a group of mums and introducing yourself.
Man-2-Man
Although other mums are a key ally, it’s equally important for you to be able to share your parenting concerns and issues with other men. Seek out other stay at home dads. You can find them on our forums and through this website. You can also ask around to see if there are father groups in your area and, if there aren’t, be brave and start one up!
House husband, stay at home dad, or work from home – know what you do
You may be quite unconcerned with how others view your decision to stay at home, but it’s certainly worth quizzing yourself over how you’ll feel when you give up work to be a stay-at-home parent. If you currently earn the same or more as your partner, how will you feel to become reliant on their income? Make sure you and your partner have discussed – and agreed – how decisions relating to finance and childcare will be made in the future. Also, have your answer ready for when somebody next asks “what do you do”. You may be more comfortable saying you work from home… that’s OK.
When all is said and done, staying at home to raise children is a noble endeavor, as is being the sole financial provider in order to allow the other parent to stay at home. Whatever you do, do it with pride and to the best of your ability. Either way, your kids will love you for it.
